27/07/2026
đ° THE KENNEL TIMES đž
JUNGLE CATS MARCH INTO ANOTHER GRAND FINAL!
âLaidley in lockdown as Cats continue dynasty!â
By Thomas âPistolâ Nicholson â Chief Sports Reporter
The streets of Laidley were once again brought to a standstill on Monday night as the unstoppable Jungle Cats continued their remarkable rise to local sporting royalty.
On another icy evening at the Laidley Recreation Grounds, Jungle Cats 1 watched on from their luxurious heated corporate box (otherwise known as a folding chair under the canteen awning) as Jungle Cats 2 squared off against the Saints in a Preliminary Final for a place in next weekâs E Grade Grand Final against Snags and Sidesteps.
With reinforcements returning just in time, the Cats looked hungrier than a Year 4 class spotting free cupcakes.
The Saints arrived full of confidence, but one glaring omission had commentators scratching their heads.
Saints chief sledger and go-forward queen Bianca Wilson was nowhere to be seen.
Without her trademark verbal pressure, the Saints were reportedly âat least 60% quieter than usual.â
The Jungle Cats wasted no time.
The WestMAC trio of Sunny Litzow, Max Hannah and Bruce Hannah tore through the Saintsâ defence with the subtlety of a runaway shopping trolley. Spectators claimed they were ârunning that hard they nearly ended up in Gatton.â
In the middle of the field, teenage sensation Fahtaya put on another masterclass, weaving through defenders like sheâd stolen the oppositionâs car keys.
Then disaster nearly struck.
Fahtaya went to ground.
The entire Rec Grounds fell silentâŚ
âŚbefore one voice echoed across every field from Laidley to Forest Hill.
âGET HER OFF! BRING HER TO THE SIDELINE!â
Coach Pistol wasnât taking any chances.
âWeâve invested too much in this Grand Final campaign,â he later joked.
âIâm wrapping her in cotton wool until next Monday. If I have to bubble-wrap the whole team, I will.â
Fortunately, the injury scare proved minor, and the Cats kept rolling.
When the dust settled, Jungle Cats 2 had claimed an emphatic 8â3 victory, securing yet another Grand Final appearance.
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đ DYNASTY WATCH
Statisticians have confirmed a frightening trend.
Since entering the Laidley Touch Competition⌠the Jungle Cats have NEVER missed a Grand Final.
Experts have begun referring to the club as:
* The Blue and White Dynasty
* The Feline Empire
* The Greatest Sporting Organisation Since the 1992 Brisbane Broncos (according to one slightly biased supporter.)
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đŁď¸ WHAT THEY SAID
đ Coach Pistol
âThe game plan was simple⌠score more tries than them. Luckily the players listened.â
âI didnât lose my voice yelling. I was simply providing tactical encouragement.â
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đ Sunny Litzow
âWe knew if we ran hard enough eventually someone would forget to grab our shorts.â
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đŞ Bruce Hannah
âI honestly thought we were playing two games because I just kept running.â
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đ Max Hannah
âCoach told me to keep my feet moving⌠I donât think Iâve stopped yet.â
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đď¸ Anonymous Saints Player
âEvery time we thought weâd made a tackle, another Jungle Cat appeared.â
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đ¨ BREAKING NEWS
Preparations are already underway for Grand Final Week.
Rumours continue to circulate that the Lockyer Valley Regional Council is considering shutting down Patrick Street on Sunday afternoon for the official Jungle Cats Grand Final Parade.
Sources close to the council have denied the rumours.
Sources close to the Jungle Cats have confirmed the parade route, victory speeches and playlist have already been organised.
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đ˝ď¸ GRAND FINAL LUNCHEON
Supporters are encouraged to keep an eye on social media for details surrounding the Jungle Cats Grand Final Luncheon, where fans will have the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to meet the clubâs superstars, grab photos and hear stories that become slightly bigger every time theyâre told.
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đž ONE MORE TO GO!
Next week, Jungle Cats 1 will contest the F Grade Grand Final, while Jungle Cats 2 chase E Grade glory against Snags and Sidesteps.
Two teams.
Two Grand Finals.
One club.
One town.
GO JUNGLE CATS!