06/09/2026
Shame has a way of following us long after the person or moment that created it has disappeared. We learn to see ourselves through other people’s eyes, and eventually we can become so good at policing ourselves that we don’t even realise we’re doing it.
Midlife can be an extraordinary time to start questioning that. What parts of yourself did you learn to hide, shrink, clean up or apologise for in order to be accepted? What if some of the things you were taught were “too much”, “difficult”, “messy” or unacceptable are actually where some of your creativity, joy and aliveness live?
If you don’t know where to start, think about the little girl you once were. What was she shamed for? What did she learn she needed to change about herself to belong? And what would happen if, instead of continuing to correct her, you finally went back and stood beside her?
You might be surprised by how much of yourself is still waiting there for you.