13/02/2026
You are stupid, you deserve to be hurt…
It was a warm day and we were in our backyard soaking up the sun in our new Clark Rubber swimming pool.
Our neighbor Bruce came over and he and dad were sharing banter and somehow it was suggested they wrestle each other into the pool. It started as a timid jesture, however it gathered momentum and finally Dad started jostling and pushing to get Bruce over the edge. Bruce was a big man, solid and thick. He was not budging, but Dad was stubborn.
The ego was taking over and needed to show ‘who was dominant’ or some version of ‘I am strong’ – it was becoming tense.
Mum stood beautiful. She was wearing a brown & white fleck bikini, silently starting to wish she had not played her part.
And then Dad forced his will and thrust Bruce with all his might, he landed in the pool, breaking the side wall.
The banter & light heartedness stopped.
Rage, anger and blaming arranged themselves in a frenzy, looking for somewhere to land.
I froze in anticipation of ‘who was to blame’…knowing it was stupid mum, knowing it would be hurtful and knowing I needed to keep quiet or I would be next.
‘this is all your stupid fault….’ He picked her up and tossed her into the pool and I gasped.
My little mind whirling with scenarios but I was stuck in stupor.
Mum stood up, shaking & gathering composure as she climbed out of the pool, clearly hurting and afraid. She reached for a towel as Dad picked up a broken brick, throwing it in her direction with more mutterings of ‘stupid, never learn, your fault’…
The brick landed on her foot, instantly piercing the fleshy skin and oozing bright red blood. I held my breath. Bruce spoke in short sentences, get towel, sit, calm down…it was a jumble of madness. Mum stricken as I cuddled her and sobbed.
Dad walked away.
AND my 7 year old mind cemented the truth ‘you are stupid & deserve to be hurt’.
My core belief landed indelibly in my subconscious.
Survival was paramount as the secret schema took hold.
And so began the ‘gift of my life’.
The wound is where the light gets in. I received so many benefits and pay offs by being right when I was confused, for being comforted and loved when I was hurt.
Of course, this all unfolded unconsciously and the actors who come in to play their starring roles were so good at their performance, I stayed stuck in the old script for a long time.
I know there are still parts to re-write, but as I unravel beliefs, find the patterns, and become aware of my part in the creation, LIFE gets better and better.
I know those involved loved me as best they could. They had their own beliefs playing out and forgiveness has opened my heart to love fully, without conditions.
I continue to write from a place of gratitude and acceptance for all that has served me. I appreciate the wisdom and compassion born within me for the experiences I have embodied.
I decided long ago that ‘it ran in my family, until it ran into me’. I stopped running and owned my part.
Leading with powerful grace and letting go of judgement over and over again as I understand perspective and the truth of content and context in shaping identity.
I have so much to remember. And I am ready to play full out as this beautiful, magical life is the gift that keeps on giving.
Thank you, I love you...