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GippsNews, Sale (2025)

05/12/2025

Gippsland Fishing Forecast: 6–12 December 2025
“Guaranteed action or your berley money back*”
(*no refunds, berley now legally classified as a cryptocurrency)

Gippsland Lakes (the big salty bathtub)
Black bream have entered their annual “feed like it’s the last supper” phase. They’re smashing peeled prawn so hard the prawns have started a support group. Fish to 48 cm are common; anything under 35 cm is immediately thrown back with a condescending “grow up, champ.” Tailor have turned into floating chainsaws—lose three rigs before breakfast or you’re doing it wrong. Luderick are still pretending to be vegetarians, lurking under the jetties waiting for someone to drop cabbage like it’s 1974.

Mitchell, Avon, Nicholson, Tambo (the rivers that forgot they’re rivers)
EP season is in full swing. Estuary perch are stacked thicker than traffic on the Princes Highway at 4 pm Friday. If your chrome slice or pink grub isn’t getting smashed within five casts, you’re either fishing in someone’s front yard or you’ve accidentally crossed into NSW. Bonus mullet jumping straight into tinnies—free bait and occasional concussion.

Inlet & Surf (Lakes Entrance to Woodside Beach)
Australian salmon have arrived in party-bus numbers. Schools so thick you can walk across their backs without getting your Volleys wet (tried it, got fined for “unlicensed bridge construction”). Gummies after dark are the size of pool noodles with teeth—bring wire trace or prepare to donate lures to the shark charity fund. The Ninety Mile Beach car park now officially smells better than the fish you’re catching.

Lake Tyers
The bream here are so educated they demand you quote Shakespeare before they’ll bite. Locals are whispering about a secret 50 cm plus club that meets at the second sandbar on the incoming tide. Membership fee: one perfectly presented sandworm and a blood oath to never reveal GPS marks.

Shallow Inlet & Tidal River
Whiting are on the chew and bigger than the egos at the Inverloch pub. Cast a p**i past the second gutter and hang on—rod doubles, reel screams, your mate immediately claims it’s “only a flathead.” Spoiler: it’s a 45 cm whiting that fights like it’s got a family to feed and a mortgage on a worm farm.

General Gippsland Advisory
Boat ramps remain a statewide joke. Launching at 6 am now requires a PhD in reverse parking and a sacrificial anode made of pure patience. Petrol is expensive at Paynesville (bring gold bullion or a kidney). The only thing biting harder than the fish is the blowies—evolution’s way of saying “maybe try a different hobby, champ.”Weather: hot, windy, then suddenly apocalyptic, then perfect the moment you pack up and drive home. Classic Gippsland roulette.Tight lines, empty eskies (until the last cast), and remember: in Gippsland the fish are always bigger, the stories are always taller, and the boat ramp queue moves slower than a V/Line replacement bus with a flat battery. See you on the water—or stuck behind a caravan doing 62 km/h on the highway. Same thing, really.

05/12/2025

Coming to a servo counter near you in late December 2025: the hottest stocking-filler since the Yallourn souvenir lump of coal.

Presenting the 2026 "Gippslands Greatest Potholes" wall calendar: twelve months of pure suspension-testing beauty, lovingly photographed at golden hour (or whenever the drone battery was above 3%).

Still $29.95, or trade for a decent spare and whatever dignity you have left. Get in quick before Vicroads fills them all in just to spite us.

04/12/2025

Local legend Karen McBargain has just executed the most audacious trolley heist since the great Coles car-park ram-raids of ’22.

Picture the scene at the checkout, 3:17 pm on a Thursday. One exhausted mortal (me) stands clutching a single $2 fly swatter, dreaming of the sweet release of freedom. Enter stage left: Karen, piloting a Reject Shop trolley so overloaded it needs its own postcode. We’re talking 47 packets of $1.50 Christmas serviettes (it’s December 5th), three economy-size bottles of no-name detergent, a pool noodle, seventeen novelty mugs that say “World’s Okayest Nan,” and what appears to be the entire clearance rack of sequined thongs balanced like a Jenga tower of shame.

Without breaking eye contact with her phone (she’s busy telling Facebook that “prices are outrageous these days”), she performs a flawless 18-point reverse park directly in front of me. The trolley actually squeaks in protest. The cashier’s smile freezes into that special Gippsland expression that means “I earn $26 an hour and this still isn’t enough.”

“Excuse me, I’ve just got the one thing,” I whimper, holding up the fly swatter like a white flag of surrender.Karen doesn’t even look up. “Yeah nah, love, I’m in a rush. Got to get home before the Aldi specials finish at five.”Mate, the trolley has its own gravitational field.

Somewhere in there is a lone cashier scanning at the speed of continental drift while Karen unloads like she’s stocking a bunker for the apocalypse. Every second item needs a price check. Of course it does. The sequined thongs are ringing up at $8 instead of $3. World War III nearly breaks out over a $5 discrepancy.

Ten minutes later I’m still standing there, fly swatter now warm from my clenched fist.

Karen finally pays (naturally with a mix of crumpled notes, coins from 1998, and three different cards that all get declined twice) and sails off into the sunset, trolley wheels screaming like they’ve seen things they can never unsee.

The Reject Shop in Sale, you absolute chaos factory. Never change. And Karen, wherever you are, enjoy those serviettes. I hope every single one has a misprinted Santa that looks like he’s plotting revenge. You’ve earned it, queen. You’ve absolutely earned it.

03/12/2025

In news that has delighted every regional Victorian who’s ever been personally victimised by a V/Line timetable, Premier Jacinta Allan has reportedly been marooned at East Pakenham station after bravely venturing to Traralgon for a photo-op involving a hard hat and a promise written on a napkin.

Eyewitnesses say the Premier boarded the service back to the city, confidently flashing her ministerial Myki like it was a VIP backstage pass. Tragically, no one informed her that the Traralgon line and the Pakenham line are related only in the sense that they both contain trains and deep human regret.

At East Pakenham the train terminated with the cold efficiency of a marriage celebrant who’s seen too many second weddings. Doors opened, commuters evaporated, and Jacinta was left standing on the platform clutching a latte that had gone cold somewhere near Moe, staring at a timetable that might as well have been written in ancient Sumerian.

Sources close to the situation report she was last seen attempting to negotiate with a Metro employee who responded only in shrugs and the universal hand gesture for “mate, this is above my pay grade.” Uber surge pricing reportedly hit levels previously seen only during Taylor Swift concerts, and the only bus for the next 45 minutes was, naturally, replacement.

Somewhere in the distance a lone magpie laughed, then stole her muffin.Moral of the story: if you’re going to spruik public transport improvements, maybe check that the network actually connects to the place you just visited. Otherwise you end up at East Pakenham, which is less a station and more a government-funded metaphor for poor life choices.

Stay strong, Premier. The metro train will get you to Pakenham proper… eventually. Bring snacks. And a torch. And possibly a tent.

03/12/2025

BREAKING: Kilmany Harbour Bridge Underpass, now proudly holding the world record for Fastest Transition from Ribbon-Cutting to Post-Apocalyptic Moonscape. The fancy new bridge still glows like a smug Instagram filter at night, while directly underneath it the road has developed a pothole collection that could double as a modern art installation titled “Taxpayer Tears.”

One crater is so deep the council is quietly checking whether it needs to register as a dive site. Another swallowed a HiLux so neatly the driver’s mates still lower him a stubby on weekends. The granddaddy of them all has been christened Dazza and is already polling well for the next local election on the slogan “Deeper Holes, Lower Rates.”

Motorists are advised to equip their vehicles with off-road suspension and a periscope. The official council statement, delivered from the safety of the footpath, assures us they are "looking into it"

Victorian infrastructure, ladies and gentlemen: where we build bridges to the future and let the present fall straight through the tarmac.Drop your alignment bills in the comments; Dazza’s saving up for Christmas.

02/12/2025

Clear your calendar for Friday the 5th because the 2025 Community Christmas Carols are about to hit Prince St Reserve like a reindeer on Red Bull, and you do NOT want to miss this.

Where else can you score a free BBQ, free drinks, fairy floss that turns your tongue blue, and watch half the town belt out “Jingle Bells” slightly off-key while the kids get their faces painted as tigers who’ve met Santa? It’s basically the Met Gala of Gippsland: everyone’s there, the dress code is thongs and tinsel, and the only paparazzi are proud nanas with iPhones.

Gates open 5:30 pm – bring a picnic rug, a chair, and your finest singing voice (or your finest pretending-to-sing-while-secretly-mouthing-watermelon voice, we don’t judge).

There’ll be raffles (cash only, because tradition), food stalls, and the grand finale: Santa rolling in hotter than a sausage on the free barbie. It’s the one night of the year the whole town agrees on something – that “Sweet Caroline” counts as a Christmas carol if you add sleigh bells.

Come for the carols, stay for the vibes, leave covered in glitter and onion from the free snag. See you there, legends – I’ll be the one hogging the tomato sauce

📸 Rosedale Residents and Surrounds

02/12/2025

Breaking News: Authorities in Victoria are seeking to question a man who has been selling bottles of hand sanitiser from the back of a ute after multiple complaints from the public.

The incident occurred in Nar Nar Goon, a rural town in the Cardinia Shire southeast of Melbourne. Locals reported the roadside sales, prompting an investigation.

The man they wish to speak to is described as being in his 40s or 50s wearing a blue shirt and a north face jacket and was driving a suspiciously clean Hilux with Victorian registration plates. Anyone who purchased products from the truck labelled "100% Danitiser" is urged not to use it as it may be 5 years out of date.

02/12/2025

Behold this noble shopping trolley at Cheap as Chips,Sale—an object that has clearly lived a fuller, more dramatic life than most of us ever will. Once a proud, upright citizen of the retail savanna, it now lies crumpled against the blue brick wall like a drunk uncle after Christmas lunch.

One can only imagine the epic saga that led to this undignified collapse: did it attempt to escape with a boot full of $2 thongs and a slab of off-brand soft drink? Was it caught in the middle of a heated debate between two pensioners over who saw the last fly spray first? Or did it simply look at the prices inside, realise the futility of existence, and fold itself in half out of sheer existential despair?

The frame is twisted into a shape that modern art galleries would call “post-consumer angst” and charge you forty grand to stare at while sipping overpriced wine. The handlebars point skyward in what can only be interpreted as a final, tragic plea for help that nobody came for. Even the little red child-seat flag has surrendered, drooping like a defeated battle standard.

Five stars ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

A powerful commentary on late-stage capitalism, the fleeting nature of structural integrity, and why you should never trust a trolley that’s been anywhere near Sale on a Tuesday afternoon. Truly the Banksy of discounted retail hardware. I laughed, I cried, I bought two packets of Mi Goreng and left quietly.

02/12/2025

TRARALGON CBD IN CHAOS AS PREMIER JACINTA ALLAN CIRCLES BLOCK FOR 45 MINUTES LOOKING FOR A PARK

By Rocco “Reverse-Park” McUte, Senior Traffic Correspondent,
Traralgon CBD.

It was supposed to be a triumphant lap of the Latrobe Valley: quick snap with the local CFA, a vanilla slice at Store Sixty One, maybe a selfie with a cow. Instead, Premier Jacinta Allan was forced to cancel her entire regional charm offensive after spending forty-seven humiliating minutes circling Traralgon’s main drag in an official Caprice like a lost Uber driver on New Year’s Eve.

Locals say the black Commodore first appeared on Seymour Street just before noon, indicator blinking hopefully, only to be met with a solid wall of dual-cab utes parked at angles that would make a geometry teacher weep. From there it was a slow-motion demolition derby of hope: Franklin Street, Kay Street, Church Street, even the dodgy little laneway behind the bottle-o, every single bay taken by blokes who are apparently still “just grabbing a coffee” from 9 am in 2022.

One eyewitness, who asked to be identified only as “Shazza, yeah the one with the Southern Cross tatts,” claims she watched the Premier herself wind down the window and yell, “Is this a bloody joke?” at a Hilux that had been sitting in a 15-minute zone since the Gillard government.

By lap eleven the media adviser in the passenger seat was openly crying into a Four’N Twenty, while the driver had started muttering about defecting to Canberra, and someone in the back seat (allegedly the Minister for Regional Development) was heard begging to be let out so she could “just walk, for God’s sake, I’ll catch a V/Line home.”In a last-ditch act of desperation the motorcade attempted to mount the footpath outside Traralgon Plaza, only to be stared down by Parking Inspector Karen, a woman whose heart is colder than a Morwell milkshake in June.

Karen reportedly tapped her watch, mouthed “P-plates don’t scare me, love,” and began writing a ticket with the calm menace of a Terminator. At 12:34 pm the convoy admitted defeat and limped out towards the railway reserve, eventually parking half in a ditch and half in a patch of cape w**d while the Premier conducted the entire visit via Microsoft Teams from the backseat, smiling through gritted teeth as a magpie used the bonnet for target practice.

Jacinta later posted a statement praising “the vibrant, car-based economy of downtown Traralgon” and promising $180 million for a new eight-storey car park to be delivered “as soon as the Suburban Rail Loop is finished, so basically never.”

Meanwhile, tradies across the Valley are taking victory laps in their Rangers, blasting Cold Chisel and toasting each other with flat whites they still haven’t paid for.

Another win for regional Victoria. Another loss for anyone who thought government cars got special treatment. Back to you, Melbourne.

01/12/2025

The Best Idea Since Sliced Bread (and Way Tastier)

Yarragon has always been the place you stop to refuel when youre heading to Melbourne, nestled where the Princes Highway flattens out before climbing into the misty Strzelecki Ranges. A pretty little heritage strip of antique shops, a legendary deli stacked with Gippsland cheeses and wines, and the faint smell of fresh scones drifting from cafés that haven’t changed much since 1987. Cute? Absolutely. A food destination? Not yet.

That changes in December when the Yarragon Food Truck Village fires up its burners for good.Picture a permanent, gravel-and-fairy-light wonderland right off the highway: a rotating lineup of Victoria’s best food trucks dishing wood-fired pizzas, Korean-Mexican tacos, slow-smoked Gippsland brisket burgers, mushroom bao from Strzelecki farms, and desserts that will ruin your beach-body plans in one bite.

Local craft beer, live music on weekends, picnic tables under the stars, and zero need to book a table or pretend you like “deconstructed” anything.It’s cheap to run, impossible to hate, and perfectly timed.

Ten thousand cars roll through Yarragon every day—families heading to the snow, city escapees bound for Wilsons Prom, grey nomads towing caravans the size of small apartments. All of them hungry, all of them currently stuck with a choice between a servo sandwich or a pie .The village fixes that in the most delicious way possible while giving young chefs a low-risk playground, farmers a direct market, and locals a Friday-night hangout that doesn’t require driving to Warragul.

It’s the kind of simple, smart idea that makes you wonder why nobody did it sooner. So mark it in your calendar, loosen your belt, and prepare to discover that Yarragon isn’t just on the way anymore. It’s the destination you’ll actually pull over for—and probably stay longer than planned. See you at the trucks. First round of dumplings is on whoever gets there last.

📸 Yarragon Food Truck Village

01/12/2025

Snow on the first day of Summer in Gippsland ❄️🥶🧊

01/12/2025

The Alpine Rally of East Gippsland: Where Everyone Won (Except the Windscreen Wipers)

What a gloriously unhinged weekend! Three days of pure Victorian mountain magic, where the only thing faster than the cars was the rate of clean underwear being depleted in the service park.

Saturday was basically Noah’s Ark with pace notes: sideways Escorts doing aquaplaning ballet, Subarus inventing new shades of brown, and co-drivers perfecting the art of reading “CAUTION MUD” while wearing said mud as a face mask. Visibility? Optional. Traction? A rumour. Smiles per kilometre? Off the charts.

Sunday dawned like the rally gods had finally paid their electricity bill: sunshine, dry gravel, and grip levels previously thought mythical. Suddenly cars stopped looking like they’d lost a fight with a Nutella factory and started carving corners like they’d borrowed Sébastien Loeb’s talent for the day.

The forest echoed with the sweet symphony of anti-lag pops, turbo whooshes, and one very excited commentator who definitely peaked too early on stage three.

In the end, someone actually won (congratulations to the clever humans who stayed shiny-side up longest), but let’s be honest: every single crew that dragged their mud-caked chariot back to Lakes Entrance deserved a trophy, a cold beer, and a long hot shower in that order.So here’s to the Alpine Rally of East Gippsland 2025: proof that Australians will happily pay good money to be terrified, filthy, and deliriously happy all at once. Same time next year? We’ll bring extra towels. And maybe a snorkel. See you in the forest, legends.

📸 Wishart Media

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