Max world. Australia

19/10/2025

A little Indian boy asked his father, the big chief and witch doctor of the tribe, "Papa, why is it that we always have long names, while the white men have shorter names ~ Bill, Tex or Sam, for example?"

His father replied, "Look, son, our names represent a symbol, a sign, or a poem for our culture not like the white men, who live all together and repeat their names from generation to generation.

Also, it is part of our makeup that in spite of everything, we survive.

"For example, your sister's name is Small Romantic Moon Over The Lake, because on the night she was born, there was a beautiful moon reflected in the lake.

"Then there's your brother, Big White Horse of the Prairies, because he was born on a day that the big white horse who gallops over the prairies of the world appeared near our camp and is a symbol of our capacity to live and the life force of our people.

"It's very simple and easy to understand.

"Do you have any other questions, Little Broken Condom Made in China?"

19/10/2025

19/10/2025

The other day my neighbor, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway jumping for joy!
I didn’t know why she was jumping so excitedly but I thought, ‘what the heck’, so I starting jumping up and down along with her.
She said, “I have some really great news!”
I said, “Great. Tell me why you’re so happy.”
She stopped jumping and breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, told me that she was pregnant.
I knew she’d been trying for a while so I told her, “That’s great I couldn’t be happier for you!”
Then she said, “There’s more!”I asked, “What do you mean there’s more.”
She said, “Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have TWINS!”
Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew.
She said…. “Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and they actually had a home pregnancy kit in a TWIN-pack. Both tests came out positive!”

19/10/2025

19/10/2025

The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 8 year old in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.
He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:
“There’s a car being towed from the parking lot”, he shouted.
A few moments passed … “An ambulance just drove by”
“Looks like the Anderson’s have company”, he called out
“Matt is riding a new bike…..”
A few moments later, “Looks like the Sanders are moving”
“Jason is on his skate board….”
A few more moments, “The Coopers are having s*x!!”
Startled, his Mother and Dad shot up in bed!
Dad cautiously called out, “How do you know they are having s*x ?”
“Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle too.”;)

19/10/2025

An alcoholic, a s*x addict and a pothead, all die and go to Hell. Satan is waiting for them and tells all of them, I am in a good mood today, so I am going to let each one of you pick one thing you love from earth and let you keep it here for 100 years, and then I will return for the goods.
Satan first approaches the alcoholic, What is it that you would like to have, to which the alcoholic responds, I want the finest brew, wine and liquor you can get me?. Satan brings him to a room filled with every type of beer on tap, the finest aged cellars of wine and of course the purest grain alcohol, each type of liquor you could possibly think of or never afford to even taste; a never ending supply of it all. The man yells, WHOOA WHO!! in excitement, and runs into the room. Satan laughs, shuts the door and locks it.
Satan then approaches the s*x addict and asks What is it that you would like to have?, to which the s*x addict responds WOMEN! I want lots of beautiful women, one for each day of the year!. Satan brings him to a room filled with only the most gorgeous women imaginable. Some with huge chests, some with small, some with big behinds and some with small, some tall with never ending legs and some short, All of the women are hot, naked and very h***y. The s*x addict immediately gets into action and runs into the room. Satan laughs, shuts the door and locks it.
Satan finally approaches the pothead and asks. What is it that you would like to have?, to which the pothead responds, Well, that's easy! I want the best w**d you got. Satan brings him to a room which is filled with the tallest, thickest, stinkiest, most dank plants growing on for acres. The sweet smell from the purest plants fills this enormous room. There were crystals growing on some buds which grew 15 feet high, just begging to be harvested. The quality of the bud would put the Cannabis Cup winners to shame, in all categories. It was beyond belief. The pot head was so awed and humbled by the sight of these beautiful plants, that he slowly walked into the room, he sat down Indian style (like with his legs crossed), took slow deep breathes, closed his eyes and proceeded to meditate on this miraculous sight. Satan looks at him curiously, shuts the door and locks it.
**ONE HUNDRED YEARS PASS**
Satan returns to the first room (remembering the alcoholic), unlocks and opens the door. There is broken wine and liquor glass bottles shattered everywhere. The room smells like rotting animal flesh and p**s. The alcoholic comes running at the door, naked covered in his own vomit and s**t, screaming 'HELP!, I don't want anymore. Let me out of here!'. Satan laughs, shuts the door and locks it.
Satan then returns to the second room (remembering the s*x addict), unlocks and opens the door. There are thousands of kids running around the room and babies crying madly making so much noise no one could hear their own scream. Hundreds of very very old ladies now limp around with no clothes on, still very h***y for the s*x addict who attempts to run out the door as Satan watches. Before the s*x addict can utter a word of desperation, Satan laughs, shuts the door and locks it.
Satan finally arrives at the third and final room (remembering the pothead), unlocks and opens the door. After a quick look inside, Satan?s evil grin turns to a look of confusion. Nothing had changed. The plants were untouched; just as dank as the day he left them.
Even the pothead was in the same position, sitting down with his legs crossed.
So Satan walks up behind the pothead, taps him on his shoulder and says, Hey, What's wrong?.
A tear rolls down the pothead's cheek as he turns to Satan and simply replies,
'GOT A LIGHTER?

18/10/2025

So my girlfriend and I were at lunch today and I noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.

When another waiter brought our water, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.

When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, 'Why the spoon?'

'Well', he explained, 'the restaurant's owners hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.'

As luck would have it, my girlfriend dropped her spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. 'I'll get another spoon next time! I go to the kitchen, Instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.'

I was impressed. I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly.

Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter,

'Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?'

'Oh, certainly!' Then he lowered his voice.

'Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent.

I asked 'But, after you get it out, how do you put it back?'

'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon.'

18/10/2025

Cinderella was now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead Prince, she happily sat upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat called Alan for companionship.

One sunny afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared the Fairy Godmother. Cinderella said "Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?" The Fairy Godmother replied "Well Cinderella, since you have lived a good, wholesome life since we last met, I have decided to grant you 3 wishes. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?"

Cinderella is taken aback, overjoyed and after some thoughtful consideration and almost under her breath she uttered her first wish "I wish I was wealthy beyond comprehension."

Instantly, her rocking chair was turned into solid gold. Cinderella was stunned. Alan, her old faithful cat, jumped off her lap and scampered to the edge of the porch, quivering with fear. Cinderella said "Oh thank you, Fairy Godmother". The Fairy Godmother replied "It is the least I can do. What does your heart wish for your second wish?"

Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said "I wish I was young and full of the beauty of youth again".

At once, her wish having been desired, became reality, and her beautiful youthful visage had returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside her that had been dormant for years and long forgotten vigour and vitality began to course through her very soul.

Then the Fairy Godmother again spoke "You have one more wish, what shall you have?" Cinderella looked over to the frightened cat in the corner and said "I wish you to transform Alan my old cat into a beautiful and handsome young man".

Magically, Alan suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological make-up, that when complete he stood before her, a boy, so beautiful the like of which she nor the world had ever seen, so fair indeed that birds begun to fall from the sky at his feet. The Fairy Godmother again spoke "Congratulations, Cinderella. Enjoy your new life." And, with a blazing shock of bright blue electricity,she was gone.

For a few eerie moments, Alan and Cinderella looked into each other's eyes. Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most stunningly perfect boy she had ever seen. Then Alan walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, and held her close in his young muscular arms.

He leant in close to her ear, and into her ear breathed as much as whispered, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath, "I bet you regret having me neutered now, don't you?"