Settling Is Bullsht

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Settling Is Bullsht

Sweary life and relationship advice for humans trying to get better at adulting. Make brave choices. Claim your joy!

We'll talk about all the good sh*t that helps us show up for ourselves and each other just a little bit better every day.

03/07/2025

Yesterday (July 2, 2025) I celebrated 15 years of continuous sobriety. It was a pretty big deal. And also just another day. (Day 5,479 to be precise).

I sat down to talk into my microphone about it - mostly for the sake of future me. But if you wanna hear what it’s like to be 15 years sober and just a messy, spiritual human doing her best on this ride of life… feel free to listen.

But mostly, I just want to say thanks to all of y’all who have helped me get here. Couldn’t do it without ya!

And to celebrate, I’d love to know what brought you joy today?

💜🫶✨

01/07/2025

*Shockingly* practice leads to improvement! And honoring my ADHD means that if I practice with something that actually interests/excites me, I am waaaaay more likely to stick with it. (Because that’s what it means to have an interest-based nervous system rather than and importance-based one).

What’s something you want or need to do that feels hard? What would make it more interesting?

26/06/2025

If you struggle with a mean inner critic, then this episode is for you, buddy. Unfortunately, it won’t offer a magic solution or quick fix to ridding yourself of that inner voice, but it will help explain what the f**k is going on and offer a pathway to a life filled with greater self-acceptance, self-compassion, and self-care.

In this conversation with art therapist and marriage and family therapist Celine Redfield (they/them) we walk through the concepts of shadow work, parts work, and the Internal Family Systems (IFS) framework. (Spoiler: all of those are basically the same thing with different names!) We also touch on dissociation as a coping strategy, recovering from alcoholism and addiction, creative healing modalities, and our own lived experiences of parts work – both as recipients and facilitators.

Major conclusion? Parts work is the magic sauce for lessening the cruelty of the inner critic and healing our childhood wounds.

Available anywhere you listen to podcasts! [Links in bio]

19/06/2025

If we don’t have clarity about what's most important to us, about the principles we try to live our lives by, it’s no wonder that we end up wandering around feeling a bit aimless. It’s also no wonder that we get into the same arguments over and over again. Values are at the root of most conflict, we just don’t tend to see it that way.

In this blog episode, I cover some ways to clarify your values and offer some perspective on how to bring that awareness forward into navigating conflict in your relationships.

Also! If you want support in figuring this out, I'm offering discounted sample coaching sessions all summer. Book a one-hour coaching session with me for just $75. Link to book at the bottom of the post!

https://settlingisbulls**t.com/2025/06/19/unpacking-conflict-by-understanding-our-values/

12/06/2025

While it’s tremendously important for each of us to have support when things are rough, we also need support when things are awesome. We need people in our lives who we can call to share our exciting news and know that they are going to celebrate the s**t out of it.

Even if it’s not necessarily something big and amazing we’re excited about, we still need our loved ones to share our enthusiasm – to respond in ways that tell us they care.

And sometimes, it helps to have a model to follow! So, I want to share a tool for what it can look like to amplify in our communications.

Active constructive responding (ACR) is a framework for how we can actively communicate encouragement and support. It’s a useful tool/concept to help all of us show up as better friends, lovers, and general cheerleaders. It provides a clear pathway for nourishing our through our everyday communications.

You can listen to me read the post to you anywhere you listen to or visit settlingisbulls**t.com to read it yourself! (Links in bio)

06/06/2025

Do you gravitate toward certain colors in your life? Do you find yourself looking at the world through rose colored glasses (either literally or figuratively)? Well, it turns out that we’re all in relationship to the world of color, whether we’ve got a picture of our aura or not.

In this delightful conversation with aura photographer Selena Bakakis - she walks us through the rainbow – and what the colors in our field can reveal about our outlook and experiences in life.

Even if you haven’t had a chance to see your aura, this conversation offers food for thought about how color can impact us, the energy we bring into our lives, and how we can embrace those things that truly bring us joy no matter how offbeat or anticapitalist they might be.

And if you want an aura phot of your own, you can catch her on June 21!

Available anywhere you listen to podcasts. [Links also in bio]

04/06/2025

Putting in an official plug for Dispatches from the Couch by last week’s guest - it’s a truly gorgeous and cathartic read for anyone who has been through or is going through the therapeutic process.

Even though our childhood trauma experiences were very different, Stacey’s words made me feel deeply seen and understood. No matter what flavor of we may have experienced, the impact on our brains and the ways it can show up in a vicious inner critical voice can be incredibly similar. Reading this book will help you feel less alone in the struggle.

Available at all major online retailers, and hopefully many independent bookstores!

30/05/2025

No matter how much we cognitively “know” about how trauma works, none of us are immune from the grip it can have on our capacity to deal with life. Thankfully, there are ways out, and writing is one of them.

Dr. Stacey Hettes - knows this firsthand. In spite of her PhD in neuroscience and decades of teaching it to undergraduate students, a tense campus event in 2019 triggered a debilitating post-traumatic stress response tracing all the way back to her childhood experiences of sexual abuse. With the help of her therapist (and eventually a coach), Stacey was able to write her way out of the pit via a gorgeous, heartbreaking, and riveting memoir that was just published this month.

In this lovely conversation, Stacey and I talk about her experiences of writing her way to healing, the neuroscience of trauma, and the value of finding meaning and purpose on the other side of surviving terrible s**t.

Available anywhere you listen to podcasts! [links in bio]

24/05/2025

Are you freaking out right now? Have you been freaking out lately? Are you stuck in the freak out land of "everything is cuckoo bananas and I can’t handle it?!"

If so, this is for you, my friend. I promise letting it all out will be good for you, and I'll be right there with ya while you get it over with. 💜

I've got a sweet little episode recorded for you in case of emergencies – we’ll take some deep breaths together, we’ll co-regulate, and hopefully you’ll feel a little less alone in your big feelings. (Because your feelings are valid, and I’ve totally been there, too!)

Available anywhere you listen to podcasts! Find the episode on your favorite platform or read the transcript: https://settlingisbulls**t.com/2025/05/22/if-youre-freaking-out-right-now/

22/05/2025

Don't let the imaginary tigers get you!! 🐯 (As in, your engrained threat response, which is trying to convince you you're in danger).

This week, I've got an episode ready for the next time you’re in an anxiety spiral, a weepy meltdown, or any other overwhelming set of feelings that you might call a freak out.

If you can’t (or don’t want to) call somebody, you can press play and listen to me remind you that you’re going to be okay, and it’s totally normal to freak out sometimes.

Available anywhere you listen to podcasts!

Listen to the episode or read the transcript: https://settlingisbulls**t.com/2025/05/22/if-youre-freaking-out-right-now/

18/05/2025

One of my favorite simple joy practices is taking myself on “rainbow walks” - going out and actively looking for things to take pictures of that follow the rainbow (red, orange, yellow, etc). Spring is an excelling time for it, especially here in

It’s a great mindfulness practice, and it helps me to pay attention to my neighborhood and the changes in the seasons.

Will you take yourself on a rainbow walk today? Post pics and tag me! I want to see your rainbows!! 🌈🌈🌈🌈

15/05/2025

How often are you getting to do the things that you are already good at? Do you wake up each day knowing that you’re going to get to show up in the world in the ways that you naturally shine? If not, then it’s time to change that, darlin.

In this conversation with strengths coach Lee Peterson, we talk about how important it is to our wellbeing for us to lean into doing the things we’re naturally good at – instead of being in a never-ending spin cycle of trying to get better at the stuff we’re bad at.

Lee convinces me that trying to be well-rounded is a bunch of perfectionist bulls**t (my phrasing, not hers). And it’s still blowing my mind, but it seems like letting go of trying to be good at everything is a better way to live.

Available anywhere you listen to podcasts! https://settlingisbulls**t.com/2025/05/14/leaning-into-what-youre-already-good-at-with-lee-peterson/

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https://settlingisbullshit.com/, https://settlingisbullshit.substack.com/

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