30/05/2025
Grandma vs. Voice Assistant
Grandma got a voice assistant for her birthday. Alexa. Siri. Something like that.
She called it "that talkin’ lamp."
Day one, she yelled:
“HELLO, LAMP! MAKE ME TEA!”
Silence.
She tried again:
“LAMP! PLAY ELVIS! AND DON’T BACKTALK!”
It responded, finally:
“Playing Elvis Presley.”
Grandma gasped. “Witchcraft.”
Later that week, she told it,
“Remind me to take my pills at 8.”
The assistant replied,
“Okay, I’ll remind you.”
At 8, it said:
“Time to take your pills.”
She screamed, dropped her spoon, and shouted:
“IT’S HAUNTED! IT REMEMBERS THINGS I SAY!”
Now the assistant only responds to Grandpa.
Because Grandma renamed it:
"Spawn of Satan."
Grandma got a voice assistant for her birthday. Alexa. Siri. Something like that.
She called it "that talkin’ lamp."
Day one, she yelled:
“HELLO, LAMP! MAKE ME TEA!”
Silence.
She tried again:
“LAMP! PLAY ELVIS! AND DON’T BACKTALK!”
It responded, finally:
“Playing Elvis Presley.”
Grandma gasped. “Witchcraft.”
Later that week, she told it,
“Remind me to take my pills at 8.”
The assistant replied,
“Okay, I’ll remind you.”
At 8, it said:
“Time to take your pills.”
She screamed, dropped her spoon, and shouted:
“IT’S HAUNTED! IT REMEMBERS THINGS I SAY!”
Now the assistant only responds to Grandpa.
Because Grandma renamed it:
"Spawn of Satan."
