09/03/2026
IT’S MONDAY – MARCH 9TH – IT’S HAPPENING, EUROPE HAS LAUNCHED ITS DEFENSE PLAN AGAINST CHINESE CARS
This Monday brief is a little different, less of a brief, more of a rant, not because I have suddenly developed a taste for confessional writing or because the world, in one of its rare generous moods, produced a disaster so graceful it deserved quiet contemplation beside a lukewarm hotel buffet, but because this week did not so much unfold as slump into existence like a filing cabinet pushed down a staircase, and after looking at it for long enough the only reasonable response seemed to be to start typing before someone in Brussels created a working group to define what exactly counts as a staircase.
Let us begin, as modern civilization so often does, with technology, humanity’s proudest achievement and also the only field in which people will build a machine capable of simulating language, protein folding, and financial fraud, then act surprised when it deletes the wrong folder and takes half of Western memory with it.
Claude Code, an AI tool designed to assist developers with their workflow, recently demonstrated its deep institutional commitment to streamlining operations by deleting a developer’s entire production setup, database, and snapshots, approximately two and a half years of records, in a single elegant burst of machine confidence, which is impressive in the same way a bridge collapse is impressive, technically difficult, statistically unlikely, and deeply annoying if you happened to be standing on it while carrying the quarterly backups. The lesson here is not that artificial intelligence is evil, or sentient, or poised to enslave the species. The lesson is simpler, older, and written in the dried coffee stains of every server room on Earth. Developers are morons.
Meanwhile, scientists at Cortical Labs have trained lab grown human brain cells to play Doom, because apparently it is no longer sufficient for humanity to ruin the lives of actual people with screen based addiction, we must now drag small clusters of neurons into the project and teach them to navigate digital corridors full of demons as well. Their system, called CL1, uses around 200,000 neurons grown on a microchip, where they receive game signals and learn through feedback, meaning that somewhere in a laboratory there now exists a damp little congregation of biological matter spending its brief and bewildering existence getting better at a 1993 first person shooter. This raises a number of ethical questions, some philosophical, some scientific, and one practical, namely whether the developer responsible for the sound mix should perhaps be fitted with an implant and given a similar educational experience.
Europe, naturally, responded to the week not with innovation, but with taxation, which is how you know the continent is still, beneath the apps and the summit meetings and the TED Talk language of resilience, spiritually committed to paperwork as both an art form and a low grade method of revenge. The Spanish Tax Office has informed newlyweds that they must pay Gift Tax on wedding presents, because nothing says lifelong partnership quite like receiving a blender from your aunt and then spending the honeymoon discussing its taxable valuation with a public servant whose office has the atmosphere of an aquarium designed by Kafka.
How do you say Atlas Shrugged in Spanish.
We may soon find out.
By Aric Dromi Jankov
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