10/06/2025
until
"For What?"
An Autism Mom's Journey
I face judgment daily: from friends, from family
and I restrain myself in confrontation, for what?
I say nothing about the lack of support I get back,
yet they always have commentary about my reactions
to the emptiness they helped create.
I know this is a topic behind my back.
I hear it in the passive-aggressive comments
aimed at “a woman” but we both know who they mean.
Because as a woman, the expectation is
that I, and my children, should never affect what my husband does.
Even though I gave up school, gave up my career,
to take care of our kids.
Then I’m told I depend too much on my husband.
Funny, because they’re the same ones who say,
“I don’t know how you do it,
I couldn’t do it with one child with a disability, let alone multiple.”
But the moment passes,
and suddenly they say I should be doing it more alone.
They call it “building confidence.”
Yet when people find out my husband has autistic children,
the story flips.
Suddenly, he’s the hero.
He’s praised
even when the kids aren’t anywhere in sight.
They treat him like he’s the victim
of a controlling woman who expects him home.
“Why can’t he go out when he wants?
Why does he cook? Why does he clean?”
And I take the criticism quietly.
But why should I?
They’re the same people
who could help
and change his ability to go out,
to breathe, to rest
if only they chose to show up.
-Kiki Chambers
