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Monday 11am - 4pm Tuesday 11am - 4pm Wednesday 11am - 4pm Thursday 11am - 4pm Sunday 11am - 4pm

https://www.beecomposed.com/bee-in-harmony, https://linktr.ee/bee.in.harmony

Bee.In.Harmony, London, ON (2026)

01/12/2026

It's Missed Skills Monday!!!

Yesterday we talked about spoon theory and the hardships we face as a result of spoons constantly being used up.

Today we're focused on solutions.

_____________________

1) Not taking care of your basic needs eats up spoons: sleep, food, thirst, washroom, even hygiene.

If you're feeling emotionally dysregulated, take care of those first before you make a decision to do more.

Showering is impossible today? Use wet wipes. Shampooing? Dry shampoo.

Cooking is not an option? Takeout. Pre-prepared charcuterie board. Cookies. Fed is best.

Water is difficult? Tea. Flavored water. Coffee. Coke. I refrain from listing booze next, but at the same time, drink is better than no drink.

Just take care of your needs POORLY, and you will still find further motivation to do the next task "less poorly";

Something is better than nothing, and for some days, that needs to be enough.

If this is your every day, very consistent, seek more structured and specific guidance, obviously.

_____________________

2) Pain management costs spoons.

If you're struggling to do anything to do and you're also managing pain...

Don't try to suck it up.

Don't be a hero no one is asking you to be.

Surround yourself with pain-affirming people who understand if you need to vent, if you need co-regulation, if you need to be alone...

You are not a substance-seeker for wanting to not be in pain, and you deserve support.

_____________________

3) Sensory management takes EFFORT; it eats your spoons just as much as the others, so the more you can let other devices, systems, and supports take on those challenges the better:

Listening fatigue 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨 - for me, headphones and ASL / texting to communicate instead - AAC is valid - gestalt and echolalia are valid - gesturing is valid - non-communicative is valid.

Visual - sunglasses, and red-blackout glasses kick it up a notch! There are classes out there you can buy to go on top of regular glasses. Visual fatigue is not talked about enough: scrolling breaks, driving breaks, focusing your sight on a single unmoving object.

Touch - cut off all the tags, burn their edges, buy no-tag clothing to wear - do a standing meditation for a minute - get your hair chopped off into a hairstyle that is easy to manage and caters to your sensory needs

Scents - take breaks and get fresh air - spritz a fake flower bracelet or other item that will hold the scent and hold it up to your nose to crowd out other scents - eat a safe food to confuse your senses (warning: may make you like your favorite food a tad less, but may help you get through the scent.)

Taste - avoid the textures, scents, and tastes you hate (why torture yourself??) - find alternatives, make alternatives, bring alternatives, buy alternatives (if adhering to neuronormative practices costs you spoons, why do them?)

Vestibular - put a hand on a wall - out both feet flat on the floor - ground yourself physically to unmovable planes that CANNOT go anywhere.

SENSORY SEEKING is also a great way to give you back spoons, and it's just as important as sensory avoiding.

_____________________

4) Executive functioning management is EXHAUSTING.

Planners are for people who remember to look at them.

Sticky notes fade into the background unless they're changed frequently.

Alarms can be snoozed. Timers forgotten.

And yet all these systems that don't work for one person, may work for another.

For myself, I love my Google system - audible reminders when I'm home, memos on my phone when I'm not, and as long as I don't swipe away they stay on my mind without me having to use energy to keep them there. (If I accidentally swipe, I can still open the tasks app and edit them to show up again.)

_____________________

5) Socialization COSTS ENERGY.

Take breaks - step out for air or to the bathroom, as many times as you need to.

Change your communication style to a non-speaking one - speaking can cost a lot of energy, many word-structured ones do.

Surround yourself with neuroaffirming people you don't have to mask or hide your social or sensory discomfort around.

Recognize the validity of online support just as strongly as in-person support.

Retreat to your safe spaces. Fill them with whatever makes you happy, soothed, content, excited, energized, relaxed.

_____________________

All this to say, saving your spoons, finding ways to give them back to yourself, being preventative versus reactive...

It's all valid. It's all important.

You deserve to take care of yourself.

This list is just the TIP of the iceberg, so drop a comment: how do you recharge your spoons?

01/11/2026

It's Signing Sunday!!!

Every other Sunday @ 6:30pm EST we host a video call on discord for signers of all levels.

Be sure to join us tonight and say hi!

https://discord.gg/MreJyAYnx

🖌️Artist Unknown

01/11/2026

The only person who says something like this is a person who has never heard of spoon theory in their life.

___________________

Spoon Theory as it applies to neurodivergents - and not just people with chronic pain, for whom spoon theory was originally developed - is about measuring your energy that you have to give to tasks throughout the day.

How much energy do you wake up with?

How much energy do you have before you go to sleep after much of it has been used up by the day?

Which tasks cost you more mental energy? Which tasks give you back mental energy?

It is a very personal reflection that is not quantifiable by a medical professional, and it can be related to by many other people who share your neurodivergence or condition, particularly if they manifest similarly.

_____________________

Tasks can take away spoons, and they can also give back spoons.

Things that give you dopamine, serotonin, norepinephrine, endorphins, oxytocin, may require spoons to be paid to do them...

but they also give them back, and depending on your brain, your interests, and your experiences, some may do a better job at that than others.

_____________________

Taking care of regular maintenance items

sleep,
food,
thirst,
washroom,

and even hygiene can all use up spoons from NOT taking care of those needs, even as looking after them does still use some spoons.

_____________________

Sensory regulation,
listening fatigue,
emotion regulation,
masking,

all take up spoons - ENORMOUS spoons.

As a result neurodivergents often feel like they are in a deficit,

quickly running low,

never seeming to recharge to full spoons the next day...

And to return back to the original spoon theory meant for people with chronic pain... PAIN, regulating it, managing it... Eats up a lot of spoons.

_____________________

An example:

a neurotypical person who is

able-bodied,
no chronic pain,
no sensory management needed,
socialization management required,

might wake up with say, 100 spoons.

They complete tasks over their day, and before bed they have maybe 20 spoons left over;

Regulated throughout their day, fully in control of their emotional states, their social and sensory needs met.

Tired, but not exhausted.

_____________________

Now change just one element of their day:

Let's say they got 4 hours of sleep instead of 8.

They might now start with 90 spoons...

be a little more cranky than usual,

find their tasks take up the same amount of spoons as the previous day - if not a little more -

and by the time they go to bed they are down to maybe 10 spoons.

Not dead but very tired and needing to recharge. They will do so, and presumably reset to 100 spoons the next day.

_____________________

Now pretend you, are this NT person who has not been sleeping well for a MONTH.

You're waking up with 60 spoons, watching them slip away the longer you go with improper sleep.

You're subconsciously and consciously cutting tasks because each task takes too much energy to execute.

You're going to bed with 10 or 5 spoons at the end of their day, only to wake up with increasingly less each time.

You're snapping at everyone and everything around you.

People are giving you a wider berth, and they no longer seem to be willing to give you a pass.

Kids are getting on your last nerve even though you love your kids and normally co-regulate together.

Everything feels too loud, too scratchy, too unfocused.

People are too social,

it takes too much to see well-meaning family members,

they don't understand that you don't have the energy to spend on social niceties.

You don't see an end in sight.

You're begging for just one good night's sleep.

Can someone,

ANYONE,

just come knock you out.

Have you had a newborn before? Any of this sounding familiar?

_________________

Now I changed only ONE variable.

If chronic pain people had maybe 20 variables to contend with,

neurodivergents frequently have 20 variables to sort out,

and those who are neurodivergent AND who have chronic pain have 30 - 40 to manage - many chronic pain conditions are comorbid with various neurodivergences.

This is not all to say that one group has it better or worse than another; just different, and we all have to fight the ableism from others who say we're just not trying hard enough 🙄

Imagine waking up with 20 spoons,

Choosing 1 task to do because it eats 10 spoons,

And then having 10 spoons left to try to regulate your emotions, manage pain, and somehow try to cook to eat -

because you can't just not eat, even though that will give you 5 spoons and take away 10 just to do it once.

___________________

"But Bee, these numbers are unrealistic, so many people would end up in a deficit all the time and barely be able to move at all!"

Correct.

_____________________

Many people are frequently in shut down or burnout for precisely this reason;

It's not laziness.

It is inability to push beyond limits, and it's why people who "look" more abled than they are face so much discrimination.

Be sure to watch for tomorrow's Missed Skills Monday post on spoon theory!!

01/09/2026

Happy F**k-It Friday!! How do you accommodate yourself in a way that is norm-defying?

I don't like bright lights.

Scratch that, I like them super bright if I'm going to do something like crafting, because I find that at a low light I can feel the buzzing of the electricity more and the crawling sensation on my skin creeps me out more, and my eyes can't focus very well so I feel like I'm trying to fight the light even as I say I need it...

But outside of crafting... And outside of a soft light for book reading...

Give me darkness.

I almost never turn on the lights in my home, opting instead Christmas tree lights, fairy lights from the dollar store, screen lights from the TV, and Galaxy lights for room lighting.

I might occasionally turn on the kitchen light so I can properly see if the dishes have been cleaned, or if I'm worried about safety, but if it's an easy meal I definitely opt for darkness with the overhead light on the stove.

01/09/2026

Haha, the RSD is so real!!

Side note, I had to memorize those color lists for the part of narrator, and I am so devastated that I don't automatically remember them now 😮‍💨

01/08/2026

I haven't posted about the events two days ago because my heart has been heavy.

It's been heavy for years now, and every time I address my own internalized bigotry that EVERYONE has, my heart gets heavier, sadder, and further broken with the repeat of history.

______________________

Renee Nicole Good is only the lastest in an INCREDIBLY LONG list of people who have been murdered to justify a system that only survives as long as the few at the top convince the billions at the bottom that the system is necessary for survival.

I'm not just talking the 32 KNOWN murders of ICE so far, who before Nicole had all come from

ethnic minorities,
religious minorities,
LGBTQ+ communities,
disabled communities,
refugees,
immigrants,

and other low-income people like seniors,
some war veterans,

and the homeless who are too easy for privileged people to write off as "lazy or undeserving";

I'm talking the

thousands upon
tens of thousands upon
HUNDREDS of thousands

of lives who have been destroyed by the pursuit of "wealth", ie power, a competitive game with no real winner - even for the people at the top, though they don't always understand what they really sacrificed to get there.

______________________

As an aside:

People are stupid - quite literally, we as a populace have been systemically educated to be ignorant over the centuries, but even in just the last 100 years:

White washed history lessons.

Emphasis on results rather than the ability to critically think.

Punishment - physically, emotionally, verbally, financially - for anyone who does not conform to classroom structures.

The average person isn't capable of reading higher than a 6th grade level.

From 2017 to 2023, the number of US adults who scored in the lowest level of literacy increased by 9%.

During that same time period, the literacy of all US adults decreased by 12%.

In 2023, only 46% of US adults had a literacy level at Level 3 or higher.

Think Canada is much better?

In 2010, 40% of working adults scored below the minimum level needed to participate in a knowledge-based economy and society.

In 2023, 49% scored below level 3 (needed for complex tasks), and 19% scored at or below level 1 (needed for basic text.)

This means that what I've written here wouldn't have been absorbed by 19% of Canadians and 28% of people in the United States

JUST 3 YEARS AGO

because those people struggle with simple sentences and organized lists, let alone an "essay" like this.

______________________

You think you've gone back far enough in history to see the root of today's capitalistic struggles?

Go further.

A few decades.

A half a century.

A century.

Two centuries.

Five centuries.

A millenium.

Great atrocities have always been committed in the name of greed, whether it was pretty jewels or faces on paper.

And for what?

A fruitless pursuit that can only bring satisfaction to the truly heartless.

______________________

Why is that acceptable?

Why are these monsters allowed to dictate the quality of life of others?

Why are they allowed to s***f out the lives of others without a second's thought?

(Quite literally, the ones at the top buy people to think about the consequences for them, and then their evaluation of these consequences is solely for continued existence rather than for the purposes of ethical dilemma.)

______________________

What's terrifying to realize is that it is the people of marginalized communities who are attacked first because we are the first to speak up from having the least to lose.

We are completely outmatched in a war of classism, and the middle class has been increasingly divided into lower and upper to the point it will disappear altogether;

______________________

Yt people in the middle class who have not been able to keep up the illusion of appearances are finally starting to resonate with what marginalized communities have been saying all along...

But it's not enough;

They still have a long way to go when it comes to addressing internalized bigotry...

Especially when they still try to advocate for a capitalistic system that was always intended to be abused by the few at the top, all so they can pretend one day they might be able to join the upper class.

______________________

Women are NOT safe.

Yt women especially need to understand:

The abandonment of Black women in the 1900s by Susan B Anthony led to a further divide of classism rather than a unification,

and as a result we are still having the same fight a CENTURY later.

Worse, they're using our bodies and subliminal text to do so rather than having the fight on open ground.

______________________

If you were to draw a mind map in middle school of all the historical movements and consequential eras...
..the sociopsychology and socioeconomics...
..the math of lives lost and the math of compassion missed...

The lines would intersect to such a degree you couldn't follow them anymore -

______________________

And that's precisely what yt men in positions of power rely on.

Your exhaustion in the face of bigotry, all for the sake of their complacent comfort.

From a neurodivergent page, it is sad and disheartening to have to say that there is so much fighting we've done, and yet still so much fighting to be had.

______________________

So the advice here is RISE.

Rest. Recharge.

Then RISE again.

Fight for people who are not at the table until we can push them forward to be there.

Then push their story of advocacy as the truth it is.

01/08/2026

"I told myself I was going to do better, and I did so well! I had an established routine over Christmas break, but then everyone went back to work and school, and it fell apart."

Cue list of forgetting appointments, procrastinating tasks, getting some done while neglecting others, lectures from partner, and general shame.

___________________

This is what it means to be ADHD:

- Blind to time - how long it takes to do things

- Blind to time - what time of day it is and how long you've been doing a thing

- Distracted by whatever pulls you, and that has to do with novelty, urgency, challenge, interest, and passion
.. Among other components that were less addressed because of their question's phrasing.

___________________

This isn't about you "staying on top of yourself more".

This is about building healthy coping mechanisms you can actually sustain, as well as adjusting your mindsets.

___________________

You might have to go back to your partner and say,

"Listen, whatever I get done is my best, I can't keep beating myself up about what I don't get done, and I can't be in a relationship with someone where when things don't get done I am lectured by my partner.

It's not a sustainable relationship, and it will mean I have to walk away if it continues for us."

___________________

Now at the same time, you do have a responsibility...

Not to get s**t done...

But to figure yourself out.

___________________

1) Body doubling

It is easier for us to get stuff done when someone else is around, even if they're just talking to us.

If you are highly distracted then it may help to have them with you doing the activity together

___________________

2) Make tasks interesting

You're around the kids, and there's zero reason they can't:

- help you with all these tasks

- be in the room with you working on their homework while you work on yours, cook together, clean together

___________________

3) Create Challenges

Who can get their stuff done first?

Give everybody a broom and a room and whoever gets their room done fastest wins.

___________________

4) Pretend urgency if it isn't there

"The plumber is supposed to come in the afternoon-"

"But oh no, what if the plumber showed up before they were even supposed to at like 12:00 a.m.?!"

Panic clean.

Have your friend pretend to set up a friend date with you in your home so you prepare for it, but then the friend may or may not come over and instead call you to congratulate you on cleaning your home.

___________________

5) Enjoy novelty

(This is something OP in fact did: cleaning up Christmas, which doesn't happen frequently and they were super motivated.)

The fact that you got everything into their bags with the exception of one thing is a fantastic start.

There's nothing wrong with completing tasks in stages as long as they get moved along to the next stage.

___________________

And this is one thing I think your wife actually needs to work on:

6) Letting go of the illusion that neurodivergent people can take care of a full task at a time.

My partner (autistic) and I (AuDHD) tag team chores.

We recognize that dishes have five different steps to them (unload dishwasher, load dishwasher, clean left sink for prep, wash dishes in right sink to put in left, clean right sink.)

Our goal over the course of 24 hours is to move everything through the process at least once.

Anytime someone walks by the kitchen, take care of one of the steps.

Now if you have kids this may not be sustainable and need to be done more frequently, but who's to say your kids can't participate in these steps?

Two kids can load and unload the dishwasher.

One kid can be on drying duty.

You're on wash up.

When everyone does the task, it's a bonding experience.

___________________

I know having the support of a partner matters.

It needs to matter less than the support we have for ourselves, self-validation is important when you're feeling unseen...

___________________

This will require a person to address their own internalized ableism, the pressure we put on ourselves to do things in a neuronormative way...

The shame and guilt we use to try to motivate ourselves never really works;

We're always right back where we started.

___________________

A final thought to the OP's situation: when you are back on a work schedule, you are using the spoons you would normally use to emotionally regulate and follow through on executive function.

IT MAKES SENSE that you are out of spoons when you get home to do these things, so if YOU'RE struggling to get things done again:

It wasn't just the routine of the Christmas holidays.

It may also be the fact that you had transition times and freedom of spoons.

01/07/2026

Wednesday Affirmations:

Today is allowed to be a difficult day.

It is okay that you are struggling.

Struggling to get back into your routine.

Struggling with getting over the jump of the week.

Struggling with everyone around you being short-tempered and struggling themselves.

Take a breath.

Grab a drink of water.

Nothing is more important in this moment, than giving yourself a real check-in, rather than trying to push.

Give yourself a moment to self-assess.

Grab your favorite candle, or light your incense.

Spend a moment with your stuffie now or later if you're at work. Snag a hug from a friend or your kid.

Step outside the office and go on a short walk to let yourself reset with the cold. Buy a treat for comfort, or snap yourself out of yourself with something unexpected or sour.

Put on your headphones and listen to your favorite song. Hum or sing along.

Engage in sensory seeking, even when it feels like everything is collapsing.

Take a beat.

And when you're ready, you'll keep going.

01/06/2026

Growing up, we may often have been pushed into playing more, playing with others, playing differently other than how we were.

So here is an affirmation that YOUR play style as a child was valid...

And that reconnecting with that playstyle as an adult can be incredibly healing.

What are some ways we can do this?

- tabletop RPGs
- sports
- board games
- crafts
- the arts
- personal projects
- subject exploration
- recreating science experiments

Overall, engaging in whatever it was you were interested in as a kid and taking it to new heights.

01/05/2026

TL/DR: A letter to autism parents that many autistics wish they could tell their own parents:

It makes sense when autism moms and dads struggle in those early years...

when all they know is what a medical practitioner tells them

that their life is going to be forever hard

that they shouldn't set their kids up for success in the future

that autism is something to be afraid of and will always require management...

Parents are set up by medical practitioners, educators, and government assistants to assume incompetence, to assume the worst of their kid...

And then when they see their child later exhibiting the stereotypes of eloping, or exhibiting aggressive behavior, or defiant behavior, it all gets confirmed for them:

Surely "my kid must be like those other kids I've been so afraid they would be like."

___________________

The research on autism is so incredibly far behind what us autistics know about ourselves, the decades of experiences we have where we remember our moments as a kid and why we did the things we did, why we eloped, or lashed out, or attempted to exercise our right to autonomy...

We remember why we feel the way we did,

we remember the reactions of other people around us even if we didn't fully understand them at that time
.. and putting them into context years later creates a whole other level of trauma for us, once we have the data to understand what really happened at that time.

___________________

To any autism parents who are reading this, it makes sense that you are struggling in an unsupportive world, and while there is obviously no one solution for you as a parent to your autistic child, here are some general things to keep in mind:

___________________

- autism is just a brain working the way it is supposed to.

Arguably working better than many neurotypical brains in a wide variety of areas while being less ideal in other environments.

This is the same for neurotypicals by the way, that there are places neurotypical brains struggle, but because society presumes competence only in those areas, neurotypicals don't look like they struggle

___________________

- always presume competence in the long-term

It's not about hoping that one day your kid will "get better," be different, or develop skills...

It's about accepting us today for where we are, recognizing whatever progress we've made on our own terms in the years before, and encouraging us to make progress in the years to come at our own pace.

When you stop trying to push us along an imaginary track that we are doomed to fail and instead accept us for where we are at and where we want to go...

We take flight.

___________________

- address your own internalized ableism
..and please know, this is absolutely not a judgment call on you in the slightest;

absolutely every single person on the planet has internalized bigotry, which includes

internalized ableism,

misunderstandings of what it means to be disabled,

and specifically here what it means to be disabled due to being autistic in this society.

___________________

- the more data you obtain from the source, the better supported you and your child will be

The more you speak with actually autistic adults, teens, and kids who are not your own,

The more you're going to see the patterns that come out in your own kid,

The more you're going to hear stories that resonate or that contain potential solutions for sensory or social management that will greatly benefit your child.

When we advise you, it's not because we're saying you're failing as a parent

- and I do think there's a lot of rejection sensitivity that autism parents experience in this regard because society is set up to be cruel and uncompassionate.

But us autistics?

We are among the MOST compassionate and empathetic individuals in society;

Once we have the data to understand a situation, our ability to engage emotionally with other people is intensely strong to the point that everybody in the room feels like we are their friend...

It's actually to our detriment, and as autistic adults we have to do the hard work to learn how to set boundaries and follow through authentically...

___________________

- and indeed, this is one of the strongest skills you can teach us...

to learn to listen to our own bodies and our own minds;

to honor our drive for autonomy in a way that respects consent -

AND:

___________________

- to communicate with us in OUR needed way

Yes many of us are nonverbal or partially nonverbal, and many of us have situational mutism.

This does not mean we are non-communicative, and if in fact you come across an autistic who is truly 100% non-communicative

- I'm talking zero gestures, zero grunts, no echolalia, no signing, no attempt to spell or use an AAC device -

then you really need to consider the fact that your child is not *just autistic:

The challenges they face are more unique than that because they are additionally disabled in a physical, intellectual, or developmental way...

And it is these disabilities that are holding them back, not their autism.

___________________

I could go for ages - can you tell I'm autistic?

"But Bee, you're not THAT autistic like my child is!"

No?

I was nonverbal until the age of 4.

I've struggled with emotion dysregulation my entire life.

I've always found sound to be incredibly painful, speaking to be a struggle, listening to be exhausting.

I've struggled with balancing my hyperfocus and my decreased sense of interoception my entire life, even now as an adult.

The only difference between myself and your child is that I'm an adult who can advocate for myself and prioritize my needs:

I don't need to fight a parent about the fact that yes, sound is painful, I can just wear headphones and be relatively pain-free.

I can seek to communicate nonverbally and find people in my network who are not only willing but thrilled to do so, but your child is relying on you to do that for them.

I can change myself - your solely autistic kid will be able to eventually too, even if right now that looks to be impossible.

(Please please PLEASE look at this phrasing before you come at me: if your kid is ALSO disabled in other ways, then clearly they will have struggles I do not, just as I have struggles they will never know as society demands I try to neuronormatively fit in.)

01/05/2026

Gah, I ❤️ Schitt's Creek: neurodivergent coding, beautiful ex*****on of demonstrating what LGBTQ+ support and allyship looks like... "I like the wine, not the label."

And yes, this scene... My god, the LAUGHS at how long it goes on for!! And it's so true, the ways we're ridiculed for asking questions about a process when neurotypicals themselves can't even explain it!

CBC Gem has all 6 seasons streaming for free (ads 🙄) but Netflix only has the first 3 seasons on there so screw it! I'll watch Schitt's Creek for the upteenth time, I guess 😮‍💨🤣🤣

Image shows a scene from Schitt's Creek: David and his mother Moira arguing in the kitchen about how to follow a recipe for enchiladas that supposedly is the family recipe. Under David there is a caption, "Neurodivergents", and his line, "What does 'fold in the cheese' mean? How do you do it?", while under Moira there is a caption, "Neurotypicals", as she responds, "Idk how to be any clearer, you just fold it in!"

-

Bee.In.Harmony

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