Bee.In.Harmony

05/29/2026

Happy F**k-It Friday!!

Yes, there's swearing involved on this page -

It's a way that I subvert social norms to help people move to a different state of thinking,

to shock people into addressing subconscious mindsets that influence our decision making process

so at the very least, people may ask themselves...

"Why does the swearing from this content creator who claims to help people bug me?"
..Ta-Dah!!

So let's chat about yours:

What are the ways that you communicate that you feel subvert expectations, or help you manage in your life?

05/28/2026

Nigh.functioning.Autism

"Indigenous tribes all over the world used sign languages for trade and silent communication to hunt. Whole regions shared the same signs and interacted that way. Sign language was automatic in most communities. Learning sign language was sometimes more important to learn than voice languages."

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Yes, it IS ableism!!!!!

There have been entire generations of deaf and hard of hearing people cut off from their birthright to sign language and the Deaf community because of ableism - not to mention hearing people have also been cut off because of it!

There was a period of about 100 years where most professionals in the medical community and almost all professionals in the educational community adamantly refused to acknowledge the validity of sign language -

and to this day there are still some practitioners who absolutely deny, not only the accessibility of sign, but the reality of assistance with verbal language!!!!!

Studies have been conducted and show that learning sign language helps you with learning verbal language;

its syntax order is more natural to how the human brain learns language to begin with, conceptually first with syntax coming later.

This is also why maaaaany people benefit from sign language who not only have experience hearing loss, but who are deaf from birth, autistic, situationally mute, verbally dyspraxic, auditory processing disorder, and other disabilities.

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The list of reasons why hearing people SHOULD be learning sign language is ENDLESS:

- in a loud room where you can't hear the other person

- in a quiet room where you don't want to disturb others

- when another conversation is happening and you don't want to distract from it

- when someone is sick

- across distances

- while eating

- when you need to have a private conversation (like for example at a doctor's office)

- when you are in the process of developing verbal language, sign has been shown to help the language processing centers of the brain - Not to mention non-speaking people meltdown significantly less because their needs are being met

- under water

- when one person is on the phone

- when you're out in the snow / wind / cold

- through glass walls while being in different rooms / vehicles

- when you don't want to disturb a 3rd person who may be sleeping or going through something
.. And of course, to communicate with everyone who prefers non-speaking communication for a wide variety of reasons - deaf people, hard of hearing, auditory processing disorder, people with situational mutism, autistics...

Hearing people are far more "impaired" in not knowing sign language than they will ever know, and it's ironic because for all that hearing people have prioritized verbal language and treated it as superior, they still have not been able to get rid of the need for basic signs - not to mention the reality that nonverbal language predates verbal language.

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*DISCLAIMER*

ASL is not a magical catch-all language either; there are other disabled people who will struggle with it, such as those who experience bodily dyspraxia, have another condition or disability that affects fine motor control, have difficulty with picking up languages, struggle with spatial awareness, or who may need to stim vocally or facially

It IS a language that provides *more accessibility than a spoken language alone.

Ive always said this. I dont know why sign language isnt taught in schools

05/27/2026

It makes sense that you've always felt like you struggled.

Because you DID.

It makes sense that you've occasionally looked around and said,

"People seem to pick up on things really easily, they don't seem to struggle like I do"...

Because they AREN'T.

You are having your struggles because of your needs, your lifestyle, your perceptions...

And they are VALID.

Now factor in neurodivergence, where a collection of your human traits have been dialed up to 10 or down to 1,

and now you've got even more reasons why your life and your state of being are drastically different in nature and struggle.

So sit with that:

IT MAKES SENSE.

The question isn't,

"How do I magically do things so I look like everyone else?",

but rather

"How do I make my life have less struggle in the ways I need it?"

Life is going to keep throwing hard things at you;

You're allowed to find an easier path that is simplified, or contains less.

05/26/2026

For those of us with auditory processing disorder, the pain and fatigue of trying to lip-read is EXHAUSTING.

It is NOT some magical superpower; it takes sustained effort with no guarantee of success in a world of people who are more concerned with your failures to read than with the multiple moments of success that have gone unacknowledged.

And here's the thing:

It SHOULDN'T be asked of anyone to do.

Imagine needing to saw off your own limbs in order to be able to hear;

It's one thing if YOU choose to do it;

It's another when someone demands you do it and mocks or neglects you if you're not able to saw your arm off completely or fast enough every time.

05/25/2026

Can't language today, but topic so important, going to try anyway.

Anxiety & Depression.

Situational versus chronic.

Clinical approach to words insufficient to experience all humans are having,

first as fact of life and survival,

now as fact of survival in unnecessary capitalistically difficult world.

Traded animal predators for man-made ones.
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Nearly every person in the world lives with anxiety in some form;

they are survival mechanisms,

and every person needs to survive the world they grow up in.

For all we live in idealized "world of luxury,"

survival is still the name of the game,

and now?

You're expected to do it on your own.

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Nothing's Wrong; so WHY does it Feel Wrong??

- insecure attachment style learned from parents and/or trauma

- nervous system wired for anxiety to navigate a world neurodivergents don't understand or can't assimilate into

- capitalistic world that demands everyone's focus and investment, intentionally engaging in FOMO

Even if you resist these pressures easily,

being continuously bombarded by the concept of scarcity takes a toll on the nervous system.

Scarcity comes in many forms,

and the ones holding us hostage the most are financial, but also love:

loneliness, hyperindividualization, isolation in our problems.

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I Know Steps I can Take to Help; Why can't I DO them??

Guilt. Shame. Judgment.

None are fully yours to own.

That guilt comes from capitalistic nonsense:

- if I'm not doing everything in my power, I'm responsible for my own failures

this then gets projected to "if I'm not doing everything OUTSIDE my power, I'm a failure"

- I am responsible for what I do and who I am and how I am

which yes, but not to the point that we can ignore systemic influence,

let alone the reality that many of us in childhood were given inappropriate tools or even just straight up obstacles for managing

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So How do I Let Go of the Guilt?

Acceptance.

Radical acceptance of self.

Let go of the illusion of control.

Seek assistance and compassionate community.

Body double.

Parallel work / play.

Engage in human needs.

Touch grass - or cement if that's a better texture.

Regularly remind yourself:

What IS my responsibility? What IS within my control?

What is worth fighting to keep within my control?

What do I need to resign with grace?

"If I fail, I just need to learn to do things better." ✖️

"It's okay if this struggle does or doesn't drive me to be better or do things differently." ✅

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Find balance.

Push without breaking.

Bend without snapping,

and balance this with seeing the beauty in being resistant to bending.

Accommodate your needs;

make space for them,

validate them,

and meet them where they're at.

05/25/2026

Welcome back to Masking Monday!!

We did a 7 Part Series on Defense Mechanisms...

And now we're going to do a MUCH shorter series on Unmasking.

So sit back, and get ready to hit the save button to come back to this later!
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Unmasking is a difficult process for people to explain until they're further in.

It's not really about becoming a different person, or recognizing that your identity was misrepresented all along...

It's about recognizing the fact that you've been subconsciously and consciously hiding your neurodivergent needs.

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What are neurodivergent needs?

To be quite frank, they are human needs:

we all have them,

we all experience a need to get them met.

The difference is that neurodivergents aren't able to ignore our needs to the same frequency and duration that neurotypicals do;

not without serious consequences to our physical and mental health.

While some people *can ignore their human needs for longer,

it's important to ask yourself:

"Should you?"
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Neurodivergent Needs; Moving away from the Medical Model of Disability

Medical definitions of neurodivergences frequently cover societal-neurodivergent trauma responses and how a neurodivergence *looks to someone on the outside,

so in the interest of a social explanation that doesn't pathologize people

who recognize their neurodivergence is a disability because of society and less-so their own neurodivergence,

I divide these needs into 4 categories, through my self-researched exploration into my own neurodivergences and disabilities:

- communicative
- sensory
- processing
- social

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Why do We Need to Meet These Needs?

If you do not allow yourself the accommodations you need in order to have your needs met,

your nervous system will become dysregulated more often,

you will experience the symptoms of burnout more drastically and quickly,

and you will continue to feel at odds with yourself and harbor a negative resentment towards your own existence.

Short-term consequences often include dysregulation which leads to discomfort, pain, and unsustainable compromises,

while long-term consequences often include autoimmune diseases, chronic migraines, fibromyalgia, heart attacks and strokes, and unaliving.

Masking is no joke.

Unmasking is painful and has its own consequences.

There is no easy answer.

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Coping Mechanisms Factor into Masking Practices

When people are high-masking,

they often accommodate these needs in subconscious ways that may be healthy or unhealthy,

frequently with coping mechanisms that allow them to

ignore their discomfort

or aggressively - even to the point of masochistically - embrace them.

These methods can often include:

- thrill-seeking
- danger-seeking
- infidelity
- b**m
- substance abuse
- toxic relationships
- numbing
.. which may even be healthy in certain practices, or become healthy under other circumstances or amounts.

For example, having a drink with dinner, perfectly fine; drinking because it's the only way you can let go of your inhibitions, questionable.

Being in a healthy consensual open relationship? Have at 'er. Engaging in non-consensual infidelity which betrays yourself and your loved ones? That's an enormous amount of therapy needed.

Roller coasters yes, sky diving without 🪂 👀👀...

B**M yes, refusing to use safe words, absolutely not.

Doom scrolling, eh, we all get sucked into it - but when it takes over your life, now it's questionable...

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How Do We Recognize What our Needs Are? What Can They Include?

That's the million dollar question, and it's not really an easy one to answer because

many needs fall into multiple categories,

often because what they "look" like gets used to minimize the reality that

their reason for existence is the key to accommodating them.

There's also the reality that when you allow a need to go unaccommodated in one area,

it can frequently affect other areas and needs.

For example if you have a proclivity to sound and you don't accommodate your need to reduce its impact on you,

you may find your ability to emotionally regulate

and behave authentically in social situations is compromised.

Another example might be that you need social engagement to feel stimulated,

and that when you don't meet that need

you find your ability to process verbal language decreases.

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When you accommodate yourself, you will frequently find yourself using solutions that accommodate multiple needs.

It's why working with a neuroaffirming and neurodivergent coach or therapist can be beneficial,

because they can recommend solutions that will actually meet multiple needs you have

rather than trying to give you an empty solution that

only meets one need and

may even ignore the challenges that solution would present to you.

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A very unspecific, totally not-based-on-my-life example 🤣

A person who benefits from communicating via ASL because it meets multiple needs:

- auditory: sensory avoiding

- vestibular: sensory engaging

- processing: avoiding distraction

- processing: natural syntax order

- processing: less tiring

- communicative: more specific, less taxing

- social: direct engagement

- social: less tiring

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(On the other hand ASL may NOT be a viable option for people who:

- experience bodily dyspraxia

- have another condition or disability that affects fine motor control

- have difficulty with picking up languages

- struggle with spatial awareness

- need to stim vocally or facially)

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The Cost of Accommodation and Unmasking

In our unaccommodating ableist world, it's important to accept that accommodating one need will often mean compromising on another,

even if you don't always recognize it in the moment.

In my example of sign language, it meets so many neurodivergent needs of mine...

and yet still has a cost:

losing people in my life, even as I've gained new people.

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So which group of needs are you most excited to talk about?

What do you think they mean to you?

Which neurodivergent needs have you been finding have come out the strongest, earliest, or most recent?

How have you been trying to accommodate your needs?

05/22/2026

It's Friday!!!!!!

That means you're so damn close enough to the weekend we can say F**k-It!,

and celebrate the unusual, crazy, zany, fun...

or just kinda normal...

ways we accommodate ourselves that others clutch their pearls over.

So tell me:

What happy way do you accommodate yourself, break social norms, and live a better, neuroaffirming existence?

Me?

I'll sleep on my mattress' protective cover.

Sometimes the timing for laundry isn't perfect, or it takes more energy than I have to get my fitted sheet on the bed...

So, like the rest of my laundry, it stays clean in the dryer until I have energy to deal with it.

Until then, sleeping on the protective mattress! Which is a mild sensory nightmare I can ignore for myself fairly easily.

Your turn!

05/22/2026

Happy F**k-It Friday!!

In the same vein as last week's FIF post,

I'm continuing onto a part 2 of pearl-clutching madness:

Not only do I move on when I say I'm ready to move on,

I wear my heart on my sleeve moving forward.
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Always have,

I can't sit in suspense.

I'll be sitting in a movie theatre at a rom-com screaming at the screen in prolonged frustration,

"Just tell her you like her, dummy!"

When I'm in a new relationship,

one where I know we are not going to be just friends 😉,

where the tension is so thick you can slice it up on a platter and have a breathless or**sm

just from the way the two of you are staring deeply into each other's eyes...

Hell no I'm not playing 🤣🥰

Those tummy worms and back-of-the-throat squeals are fun for a week of feeling like I'm a teenager again,

but after that my nerves are screaming for release

and

- for better or for worse, both I equally accept,

I'm ready to rip the band-aid off.

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"But Bee, those feelings don't last forever, you should enjoy them!

I've got news for you:

When you have total respect and admiration for the person you're in a relationship with,

those feels DO keep coming back.

I wonder if there may be something to do with the fact that I love in the only way I can:

autistically unmasked,

with radical acceptance for self and others,

forthcoming transparency, and

and empowered advocation.

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But there are a couple reasons a lot of people don't experience those feels:

1) some people run just because the feels go away,

2) others don't work at keeping the care and respect going.

People get complacent, and tired, and stressed, that's absolutely true;

It's also true that if you don't make your relationship a priority,

to keep your partner's perspective and opinions at the forefront of how you perceive them,

you will get tired in that relationship

and move into thinking that you know them and therefore can dismiss them and their needs easily.

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"But Bee, you say 'I love you' so quickly, but you can't actually mean it when you don't even really know the person that well!"

Well you're absolutely right that the feelings in the beginning are just

lust...

limerence...

a projection we place of our own perspective and identity onto the other person.

So I'll usually clarify that I have feelings for the other person,

even if I don't know what those feelings are for sure yet,

before I use the L word.

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But I also know I've been with people where I loved them for the long-term and DIDN'T have those short-term feelings...

and while it's lovely to have companionship,

there is a difference between having purely companionship,

purely initial lust,

and an initial lust that grows into a companionable trust of safety through consistency.

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There's also an experience for those who get to experience companionship,

a true friendship,

and have it be realized into something more.

It's rare, but damn,

there is nothing better,

and I'm not about to hold back on saying the L word just because of fear.

It doesn't change how I feel for the short-term,

and it doesn't change the actions I'm willing to take to prioritize the other person,

- without compromising who I am or my needs -

to give them the Total Radical Acceptance they earn through their consistency of emotional safety and authenticity;

This radical acceptance is what I define for myself as real love.

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So writer, here's your prompt for today:

How do you experience new love?

How long does it last for you in a new relationship?

How do you define love for yourself?

05/20/2026

Wednesday Affirmations:

You may be sifting back through your experiences,

examining the pieces of your life and the interactions in them,

sorting out which parts were neurodivergence,

and which parts were neurodivergence misunderstood...

And you may find yourself coming across a formative memory that leads you to recognize the impact it had on you psychologically,

how it influenced your behavior in a permanent way moving forward...

And you may think to yourself,

"Wait. Really? THAT memory? But that wasn't even one of the worst things that happened to me.

Should I even bother paying attention to THAT memory? It doesn't seem as worthwhile to hang onto, it doesn't seem as valid as other experiences."

Hold up.

Stay there for a moment;

An experience doesn't have to be intense for it to be a) traumatic, and/or b) formative.

ALL your experiences have the potential to be at your core, influencing your decision-making process, forming your behavior for the future.

It's okay that some of those are less intense or less traumatizing to you than others.

It doesn't negate their impact,

and the only person who is actually able to confirm "how much you were impacted or not"...

is you.

A final affirmation for today:

People who want to play the "who has it worse" game frequently have a lot of work to do on themselves;

that game of projection isn't one you have to play.

05/19/2026

TW: Infidelity, unaliving, depression, anxiety, narcissism

My completely unsolicited, uninformed-by-professional research take on the spectrum of narcissism:

Just a Bee Theory that comes from 30 years of receiving narcissistic abuse in childhood and adult relationships, and having scored on an extreme end of narcissism myself!

05/19/2026

"We are created as human beings to be social."

You'll notice that I almost never share harmful content to neurodivergents;

the reason is because I'm not interested in spreading awareness about a brand I don't condone.

What I will do is make a post about what they espouse so you can be on your guard about ND red flags.

This was my response among many other autistic comments to the red flag above where a person showed a video of a child quietly self-stimming and then in the same clip of the child being activated through play.

The creator argued that being allowed to stim on your own was less effective, less social, and by implication less valid than by stimming with someone else.

In two words, an ableist assumption.

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The idea that all human beings are created to be social is a limited understanding

based on a neurotypical brain

and a generalized look at how societies function.

There have ALWAYS been people in society who were loners, a spectrum of loners if you will.

Some stayed inside the village while others sought total recluse.

Some would live in family units while others would prefer to be visited occasionally by community members.

Some had a devoted family member check in on them once a week, while others were left completely on their own for months or years at a time.

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People treat it as a sad thing to be a loner, but the reality is that most people DO need alone time,

let alone many neurodivergents who need it frequently:

- to disengage socially

- to self-regulate our nervous system by deactivating it

- to take our language processing centers offline and remove the pressure of communicating

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What might be a good comparison?

Imagine yourself on a bed of extremely warm coals, and as long as you hop from one foot to the other, you'll be mostly okay.

After a while of this, your feet need a break, but not just your feet:

your legs,
your hips,
your shoulders,
your neck...

Everything has been held so tensely, so perfectly, in an effort to keep up socially and also pretend like you don't feel the pain.

But all you goddamn want is to just stop having to hop;

you just want to get off the bed of coals and do what feels natural to you.

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Now imagine the bed of coals is the social engagement,

people's attention on you,

or the anticipation of when people might suddenly expect an interaction;

imagine holding yourself so tensely all damn day long.

And just when you finally are able to step on solid ground where your body can relax,

here comes another person who immediately picks you back up and places you on the coals 😖

Was that two minute break enough?

Did you actually de-stress during that time off the coals?

Or did you just temporarily breathe for a glimpse of a second,

like the way you might come up for a quick breath of air before being sucked back down under the current?

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I appreciate this video was trying to show a way of engaging with stimming rather than repressing it or making it so they *have to do it alone.

The way the content creator activated the child and the way they tried to explain in the comments is what created the necessity for this post;

Co-stim? Sure!

But is it the time?

Much more rarely than the content creator would have you believe.