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Bee.In.Harmony, London, ON (2026)

09/10/2026

Autistic Inertia ramblings - if you think you've been experiencing ADHD paralysis, this one might also be for you.

__________________

"My kid has been getting so 'stuck' and sometimes we can ask them if they want us to move them and they say yes,

and sometimes they say no.

Should we be presuming they are 'stuck' more often and ask about moving them more? Especially when they're engaged with electronic devices, we're worried they would appreciate us moving them if they are 'stuck' and unable to tell us they would want that."

__________________

How much have you looked into autistic catatonia?

I'm part of a research group that's working on autistic inertia, and one theory we seem to be circulating in consensus on is the idea that

autistic inertia may occur when we are burnt out from our

communicative,
processing,
social, and
sensory needs

going unmet for too long...

And that there appears to be different degrees to which we will have these experiences.

__________________

We seem to agree that autistic inertia is the mental difficulty of movements, but that we still have some control over some of our limbs, if not all....

While autistic catatonia appears to take this and dial it up to 10, making it

nearly impossible for any of our limbs to move.

__________________

I experienced my own autistic catatonia for the first time a few weeks ago, and it was so incredibly scary;

I wanted to move, needed to move, but as soon as I started consciously phrasing the thought of what I could do TO get my body moving,

my body immediately locked up AND my brain froze;

__________________

I would compare the experience to when I have been running a computer too hot for too long,

but it's still somewhat capable of running in the sense that I have

too many programs open, but

one of those programs is frozen while I

can still technically access other programs with the mouse, but the instant

I tried to click on the frozen program or move my mouse across it, the mouse itself stutters and I worry about it freezing too.

__________________

When the lock up occurred, I happened to have my phone in my hands with my thumb still able to move.

I happened to be open to the messages from my partner, who was in the room next to me.

It felt like if I tried to turn my neck towards them, my neck was going to snap, so I didn't.

Instead I moved my thumbs to type messages to them, trying to make it as urgent as possible:

"sos help can't move stuck sos ambulance? Can't move"

But I couldn't get their attention.

__________________

I had to just sit there and wait, hoping that something in my behavior would give off weird vibes.

They did notice after a minute or two, and that helped me feel a little bit more shocked into trying to be present, though I still couldn't move.

I experience terrible body and vestibular migraines as a result of languaging and auditorily processing too much,

so I have celebrex I take for in-the-moment migraines that can only be taken x amount of days per month.

I honestly wasn't sure what was going to help, but I figured taking something would be better than taking nothing.

"Celebrex x1"

They grabbed my medication and tried to hand me the bottle and water. I couldn't make myself grab it. I panicked; how was I supposed to get this medication that might help me into my mouth?

__________________

I was desperate, so I texted "pill in hand move towards my mouth."

As they picked up my hand and started to move it,

I started to panic again at the thought of my hand finally reaching my mouth and me not being able to open it to take the pill or swallow.

__________________

I do think it was this level of panic, combined with the

help of my partner in reverse engineering my motor processes that

allowed me to force my mouth open and to take the water and quickly swallow.

I felt freed; I could move!

It still felt rough, and hard, like a squeaky and stuff robot needing to be oiled, but I didn't want to undergo that again so I mentally beat myself up into moving.

I texted my partner again to get into a comfortable position where I could lay in their arms and put on a comfort show.

__________________

My medication takes about half an hour to kick in, so whether it was in fact neurologically helpful even though I may or may not have been experiencing a migraine,

or whether it was feeling disrupted through

muscle memory of movement thanks to my partner,

or perhaps the feeling of the comfort show that allowed me to

disengage from panic...

Most likely the combination of all of them.

__________________

So what can I recommend for your child?

Definitely keep up your consent-based approaches!

As I continue to do research into autistic inertia / catatonia, the more I wonder about whether

this is our body's way of protecting us from trying to do too much, particularly in the concept of processing.

__________________

I constantly feel like my software is running a million miles a minute (AuDHD), like I'm

constantly processing way too much information, and always, the world is either

moving too slow for the speed my brain needs, or

moving too fast.

__________________

I feel like I've spent so much of my life trying to comply with assimilation,

trying to think differently about my own existence, and now I just can't keep doing it anymore;

it hurts my brain to process in that way.

__________________

This is what I mean by "language too much" as well;

I didn't realize that for decades I had been trying to translate the way I naturally think into English language or other verbal language, and then communicated that out loud...

because people wouldn't understand my natural language if I communicated in my natural way.

Based on my nonverbal and non-speaking history as a child,

I strongly suspect now that it would be a mixture of gestalt sounds, and body movements.

It's why sign language, especially in ASL form over SEE or PSE,

feel so much more natural and accessible to me;

__________________

As a person who was forced into verbal language, I've learned to think about the world differently...

And ASL has been letting me get back in touch with naturally thinking in a way that makes me feel comfortable;

Through pure observation and reaction, without analyzing it deeply.

__________________

I have felt an enormous amount of relief in this process, in

trusting that my subconscious mindsets that influence my decision-making processes

are authentic to the person I want to be,

and allowing my instinctive reactions to be led by that guide.

__________________

Mind you, I am still very early in this process that I don't think I've heard other people describe.

__________________

I think that it is a very rare occurrence for someone to be

"as disabled as I am"

and to also have been so high masking for so long that I

"benefited from verbal education"

such that I can analyze my own state of being (thanks to my autism and the last 7 years of childhood trauma, betrayal trauma, and societal-neurodivergent trauma healing)

and properly understand my neurodivergence.

Don't get me wrong, there are MAAAANY autistics out here who can accurately claim the same about their experiences;

where my experiences may make my case a unique study is that I have both

experienced AND can articulate about:

+ neurological migraines
+ ASL & Deaf culture
+ dyspraxia
+ extreme APD from AuDHD
+ childhood & ABA trauma
+ betrayal trauma
+ societal-neurodivergent trauma
...that I have the experiences of EVERY "level" of autism and ADHD and still have the faculties to communicate about them.

for now.

__________________

I've been experiencing what looks like a steady decline into more permanent non-speaking,

and occasionally I worry about whether they could process into nonverbalism altogether.

That would then make these statements about my experiences potentially my last.

Eh.

I certainly hope not, and

instead choose to see this as,

"I am becoming the autistic I was always meant to be, and

I am finally giving myself permission to

just exist

the way I always deserved as a human being to exist."

09/09/2026

Wednesday Affirmations:

CW: consent, boundaries, violations, ACT, IFS, various traumas & abuse.

_____________________

It makes sense that you've been doing all this work on yourself...

Addressing your childhood,

Addressing the generational trauma,

Addressing the societal-neurodivergent trauma...

and as you've continued to look back, you feel physically ill from the things that have happened.

_____________________

Where once you might have beaten yourself up over the shame and guilt from "things you were just supposed to know how to do"...

Now you're angry;

Now you're confused;

It turns out, the reason you made so many bad decisions

- decisions you feel so ashamed of, like ones that violated other people's consent -

was because those very decisions were frequently made against you.

_____________________

Your boundaries and consent have been repeatedly violated, ever since you were small;

innocuous demands like

lining up in the queue when you just wanted to explore,

being told to kiss your unfamiliar family member's cheek,

wear clothes you don't want to wear,

eat the thing that smells and looks weird to you,

stop talking about the things that you feel elated talking about,

to stand here,

stop fidgeting,

hold that pose,

wait in discomfort,
..and generally learning that the only way to be socially acceptable is to comply with the

"right" attitude,

"right" clothes,

"right" shoes,

"appropriate" makeup,

carefully arranged bodily hair,

"right" weight that never remains one opinion from day to day...

_____________________

All these things add up over the years to contribute to a person's learning that

"you are just going to have to get used to doing uncomfortable things you don't want to do."

_____________________

If you have sexual, betrayal, or consent trauma compounding all this...

I want to reassure you:

It is HEALTHY

to experience anger at realizing just how badly you've been betrayed by everyone around you,

however unintentional,

into following these patterns;

Anger is a sign that your boundaries have been violated,

and most frequently it is a sign that you

DO

need to act in a way that is authentic to

yourself as a person,

your needs,

and the way you see your relationship with that person.

_____________________

A society that uses conformity as the backbone for compliance,

is a society that encourages cycles of violence, abuse, neglect, and violation.

_____________________

To continue,

it makes sense that many of us have used guilt, shame, and self-hatred all these years

to try to fight into behaving differently

into observing consensual practices that we truly do believe in...

It makes sense that you worry about letting go of the shame and the guilt that have kept you from making those same decisions again.

_____________________

Replacing the mechanisms means rewiring your understanding with

Radical acceptance,
Love, and
Trust in yourself:

"I understand what fully enthusiastic and knowledgeable consent LOOKS like now;

It's not "okay" that it happened in the past,

and since I can't go back in time and change it

I need to instead focus on ensuring the behavior - and mindsets -

stay in the past as well.

That is how I can learn to be okay with myself in the present:

As long as I am doing better than yester years,

As long as my overall trend of growth is upward,

I can see myself as a person worthy of respect, love, and redemption." _____________________

It's also important to understand:

"I have followed through for all these years, not just because of the negative feelings, but because I actually WANT to be a safe person;

I have done the work to build trust with myself to be authentic to being that safe space for others,

so now I am transferring that trust into my capability to do this as someone who loves myself enough to ensure my authenticity...

rather than being shamed into it."

09/08/2026

"I need someone to write something I can copy and paste to give to my loved one so they can understand:

I'm not going to 'get better';

this isn't a situation where I'm "sick" and will recover;

I'm always going to be autistic, and trying to push is always going to be a lot or even too much."

________________

Autistic inertia is trying to protect you from autistic burnout, which really is better called neurological collapse.

Autistic catatonia occurs when you've been ignoring your autistic inertia for too long, and can both cause and be a symptom of that neurological collapse.

It sounds like you don't actually have people who are neuroaffirming in your corner, people who understand autism...

That being autistic means you need to meet your communicative, sensory, social, and processing needs, and that not meeting them creates a whole host of physical and mental health conditions, many of which are not recoverable from.

People think masking is just about hiding who you are, but it's so much more than that:

It's about pushing your needs aside and forcing yourself to continue when what you really need is to accommodate your needs properly and / or take frequent breaks from things that are harming you.

Bee.In.Harmony 💜🐝♾️🌈

09/08/2026

Just a chef who's Deaf, doing his thing and getting bomblasted by ableist hate speech.

Happy Deaf Awareness Month 😮‍💨😮‍💨

09/06/2026

"How is ABA harmful?? It’s engaging children in play to learn, while providing tons of praise and access to favourite things and activities.

No suppressing of their neurodivergence or encouraging masking."

__________________

It absolutely encourages masking;

When we talk about masking, people are always so quick to jump to

social masking,

the idea of "behaving in a socially acceptable manner," so they think that

simply "letting someone stim" is enough unmasking for that person to then

engage in the "desired behavior."

Even if this accurately described all the different social needs we have, it's

not just our social needs that are going unmet.

__________________

Communicative
Processing
Sensory

These are other neurodivergent needs we have to meet.

People are only just starting to understand the

sensory one, simply because it's the easiest and most comparable,

the one people experience every day consciously and so only have to do a little bit of thinking about their subconscious state of being.

__________________

But the other two?

On a day-to-day basis they occur so regularly and are part of the underlying subconscious, that

trying to bring them out into the conscious understanding is incredibly difficult for even autistics who experience a different kind of communicative and processing need,

let alone someone who does not experience those needs or experience them as strongly.

__________________

I actually NEED time to not communicate at all;

I NEED time to be left alone, completely, without another soul near to be observed by, to have to respond to, to communicate with;

I NEED to communicate in nonverbal languages and communication styles;

even me texting like this actually hurts my brain because of the way I have to

force myself to think about the world differently,
translate it into words,
rearrange those words into the correct order,
run them through the filter to make sure they will actually be understood by neurotypical people,
and then push past my dyspraxia to push that communication out into the world;

I NEED to babble; I need to be able to sputter utter nonsense, syllables that may or may not belong to any language, with intonation that makes sense to no one else other than me;

I NEED to be able to process things in MY own time, and because I'm AuDHD sometimes that's slower, sometimes that's faster, and

sometimes it's BOTH!!, which drives me so absolutely bananas I could scream. As an adult raised neuronormatively I've learned not to, but it doesn't change the sensation in my body that would feel a million times better if I just let it out.

__________________

The reality is that ABA practitioners and autism parents care far more about producing what they consider to be "ideal" results,

neuronormative results,

than they actually care about meeting autistic need.

__________________

They celebrate every single moment of neuronormative "normalcy" with such enthusiasm:

"My child can go the bathroom now!"

"My child finally said their first word!"

"They've learned how to share, oh my goodness!"

But they're not actually looking at what an autistic person had to

sacrifice in order to be able to do that,

and more to the point,

they don't care.

They only care about what we "look" like on the outside.

09/06/2026

It's Signing Sunday here @ Bee.In.Harmony!

Want to communicate with others who know sign, or practice?

Hop on the discord server tonight @ 6:30pm EST.

https://discord.gg/MzCwb2HUy

See you there!

09/05/2026

I'm AuDHD with central auditory processing disorder, dyspraxia, and situational mutism.

_________________

Sound is the worst for me. Dyspraxia is a close second.

Every single damn moment, I can hear at least SOMETHING, and it's overstimulating.

But the reality is that even in the comfort of my home,

I'm still hearing 3-10 noises at the same time, and all that

stimulation translates as painful. (Autism --> CAPD)

If that wasn't enough, then I also find sound distracting (Autism & ADHD --> CAPD) and

can't pull my focus to the sound I consciously want / need (ADHD --> CAPD).

_________________

I get so damn tired from trying to pull my attention to the sound I want,

AND push through the fact I'm in pain...

Which the exhaustion means I end up more sensitive to the sound,

which means more pain...

Which tires me out more...

And sleep does NOT reset me.

It can't;

my brain is still perceiving sound even then.

_________________

Hot Take:

I hate the word, "superpower";

It really

undercuts the experience of autistics & ADHDers who experience

their particular traits so intensely that they feel it is disabling, and even if a person feels

their disability is disabling because of society,

"superpower" undercuts the reality that even with scaffolding and healthy coping mechanisms

we may STILL need that society to change

and sometimes we can't even change our small corner

for a WIDE variety of reasons.

_________________

"Curse," "needing a cure," "wishing I was otherwise," "mental illness,"

all words I ALSO hate.

For me, in the past I haven't seen my APD as disabling as much as

society has been disabling...

My solution has been to wear noise canceling headphones 100% outside the home

- and sometimes inside the home too! -

to put one sound in my ear so I'm only slightly overstimulated

instead of multiply overstimulated,

and I sign to communicate, which helps both my APD be almost nonexistent.

It also helps my dyspraxia because verbal dyspraxia means trying to push words past my face is a painful and exhausting experience.

_________________

Even with me moving towards the Deaf community,

adopting the cultures and mannerisms which are significantly less ableist than the hearing community,

I'm still not fully accommodated, for my APD, for my dyspraxia...

And some days, it can be really hard not to blame my AuDHD for these things when the reality is that

the reason my brain is synaptically wired the way that it is

is because of autism - and to a smaller extent ADHD.

_________________

Walking the balance between

"not a superpower"

and

"not a curse"

has meant embracing the reality of my situation:

That yes, I'm often in pain,

and also

I am who I am because of my AuDHD...

_________________

And I love who I am.

I'm in a unique position where I have "looked" like I've been

"neurotypical,"
"level 1,"
"level 2,"
"level 3"

at different points throughout my life...

Which means that my ability to advocate for fellow non-speakers and "severely disabled people"

is strong, even if it puts me in pain while typing online...

I'm one of the people who can step up in those autism communities with ableist

medical professionals,
educational professionals, and
autism parents

And TELL THEM:

Stop erasing us.

Stop putting us in a box with a label that CAN'T FIT.

Stop ignoring us unless we "prove we're THAT disabled."

Stop insisting we perform our vulnerable and undignified moments on camera for you to judge.

_________________

When I post in those spaces, I'm fully aware that

I probably won't change the mind of the person I'm speaking to.

That's not my goal;

My goal is to change the minds of everyone else reading along the exchange.

09/04/2026

When boundaries fail, it can be for a wide variety of reasons

___________________

1) Unrealistic expectations

Expecting the other person to follow through on your boundary,

when in reality boundaries are about dictating

YOUR actions,

not theirs.

___________________

2) Setting the boundary in a way that isn't actually setting a boundary.

It's communicating an expectation or expressing a need,

but you're not actually communicating your boundary.

Even if you only ever say your boundary out loud to yourself,

that language and your actions thereafter make it clear to them and to you that

there are no consequences and follow-through for

when they don't respect your boundary.

___________________

Yes;

The other person MAY very well react badly to your boundaries;

They MAY BE destructive

- to themselves

- to you

- to your loved ones

- to your stuff

After all, this is WHY you are setting the boundary to begin with:

A healthy person will be grateful for them;

An unhealthy person is the one who needs them.

___________________

3) You're setting it from an emotion that is not authentic to you as a person.

If you don't see yourself as a "malicious person,"

and you see setting a boundary as a "malicious act,"

then why would your subconscious ever follow-through on it?

___________________

4) You're setting it from an emotion that is not authentic to the relationship you have or want to have with that person.

Likewise if you're setting it from a place of "care about the other person",

but you're actually at the point that you don't care if that person stays in your life or not,

you'll continuously compromise on your needs and follow-through, most like to

"make them happy" yet never actually be able to contribute to their happiness because they subconsciously

KNOW... you don't care.

You deserve better.

Frankly, they also deserve better.

___________________

5) You're setting the boundary from an emotion that cannot be held by you long-term.

Setting boundaries from places of

Anger
Fear
Resentment
Frustration

are simply not sustainable; it takes energy to keep those emotions going,

and it's not really possible to sustain those emotions

without serious physical and mental health risks to yourself.

___________________

Setting the boundary from a place of

Love for yourself
Acceptance for the situation
Care for the other

without compromising on the follow-through

will allow you to feel truly

authentic in your boundary-setting and make it a

maintainable boundary with

minimal effort.

09/04/2026

It's F**k-It Friday here @ Bee.In.Harmony -

is it just me, or have people been stomping all over boundaries this week?

___________________

So here's the RUDE coping mechanism I've got for you this week:

"I'm not able to continue communicating right now. I need to go. Bye for now."

___________________

That's it.

If it's a phone call... 🔇

If it's in person... 🚪🚶

You have every right, at any point, to walk away from a conversation,

to disengage,

and take time / space / breath to

PAUSE

and regroup after processing.

___________________

If you want to give the other person an explanation

- esp if you feel THEY are the ones being unreasonable -

own your own feelings rather than trying to place them on the other person

(no matter how "justified" you might feel in blaming the other person for them.)

___________________

If you intend on continued contact:

"I am feeling overwhelmed by what's happening here, and I'm walking away to process. I will check back in with you at x time to let you know if I'm ready to come back together to talk."

___________________

If there's a chance you're going limited or no contact:

"I am feeling overwhelmed by what's happening here, and I'm walking away to process. I'll come back when I'm ready to discuss again."

"When will that be?"

"Right now, I can't give you an answer, and that needs to be okay for right now."

___________________

You are allowed to end a conversation with no explanation.

You are allowed to end a conversation with some or total explanation...

And STILL walk away if they try to engage you in breaking your boundary,

or trying to convince you to change it.

___________________

No.

You are not "allowed"...

You are REQUIRED to follow-through on your boundary.

You are REQUIRED to end the conversation if you said you needed to end the conversation.

You are REQUIRED to walk away.

Because if you didn't actually need it,

then you wouldn't have set it as a boundary to begin with,

and

Boundaries are NOT NEGOTIABLE.

___________________

As a heads up,

Boundaries also teach other people how to love us,

how to accept and respect us,

where are the lines are that they shouldn't be crossing.

___________________

People who value consent

VALUE BOUNDARIES,

and understanding where they stand with you.

And all the other people who don't...

Well there's a reason you're setting those boundaries with them in the first place.

09/03/2026

(VOLUME LOW)

"Yeah but everyone has that experience Bee."

"Everyone's a bit autistic then."

Listen...

these phrases...

MINIMIZE my experience...

and

CENTER yours.

"...Okay. I'm just trying to relate to you."

🥴🥴🥴🫩🫩🫩

🤬

Sometimes you just have to disengage from the conversation, put on Evanescence, and scream it out.

Unmasking has really sent me back in time 🤣😮‍💨

(Also, yeah, singing is masking for me, but when I'm in extreme pain from a migraine with no relief in sight, singing can have a similar effect as bashing my head against the wall:

throwing me in such sensory engagement that it drives everything else from my mind.)

Bee.In.Harmony

09/10/2026

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