Jess Phillips Coaching

Jess Phillips Coaching Are you ready to grow more secure and put an end to your insecure attachment? https://linktr.ee/jessphillipscoach

I teach you how to break free from toxic relationships, overcome imposter syndrome, and help you become the person you were meant to be.

Vacation starts now with my ride or die travelling partner Off to see our favourite firefighter 🧑🏻‍🚒 Let’s see if we c...
06/28/2025

Vacation starts now with my ride or die travelling partner

Off to see our favourite firefighter 🧑🏻‍🚒

Let’s see if we can actual relax this time 👹👯‍♀️

One of the most common things I see when working with people who have struggled with codependency, people-pleasing, or s...
06/20/2025

One of the most common things I see when working with people who have struggled with codependency, people-pleasing, or suffering from the aftermath of narcissistic abuse; is the inability to trust themselves and trust in what they are noticing around them.

When we put others on pedestals; start romantic relationships with individuals with huge egos or narcissistic traits; we run the risk of being exposed to emotional immaturity, gaslighting, and devaluing behaviour.

It doesn’t matter who you are; this will corrode your sense of self-worth and self-esteem little by slowly over time.

One of the hardest things to do is walk away from these types of relationships; but when we finally do, it can be a beautiful opportunity to have everything you’ve noticed along the way be validated, and start to build back the trust and confidence you once exuded into the world.

If you’re trapped in one of these cycles and the thought of leaving feels unbearable; you may be more trauma bonded than actually in love with the person.

If it feels like a drug; if you withdrawal from this person like a drug; and you feel like no matter how much you connect, it’s still never enough..

I promise you it’s not love you’re seeking; it’s dopamine and a familiar chaotic nervous system cycle that you may be very used to from childhood.

Just for today, let’s let our bodies withdrawal and see what’s really coming up for us 🙏🏼

I need your help, friends! I’m trying to grow my podcast channel (and soon to be YouTube 🤩) channel to a 1000 subscriber...
05/29/2025

I need your help, friends! I’m trying to grow my podcast channel (and soon to be YouTube 🤩) channel to a 1000 subscribers.

If you enjoy the episodes on The Living Out Loud Podcast, please make sure you are following on & and feel free to leave a review!

You can find the podcast link in my Linktree or join straight from my story highlights 👆

Thanks for listening, sharing, and all your wonderful topics and support along the way! 🎙️❤️

One of my first (of three) licenses has finally arrived! 🤓👩🏼‍🎓Going back to school during Covid was one of the best deci...
05/19/2025

One of my first (of three) licenses has finally arrived! 🤓👩🏼‍🎓

Going back to school during Covid was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Not just because of what I learned, but also because I proved to myself that I can do very hard things.

When first got sober, I couldn’t read or write well. And now, after almost a decade of learning, practicing, and unwavering discipline; I feel confident not only in my writing, but in my ability to help others.

I always knew that I would become an entrepreneur; but I knew in my heart that I needed to make sure I was well equipped before I got there.

As I sit here reflecting on my mini stay-cation, I’m realizing the fundamental importance of taking risks.

I was terrified 5 years ago. Terrified I would fail. Terrified I would quit when it got too hard. Terrified that I would never be able to complete countless hours of studies and countless hours of internships. But the very cool thing about fear is that your joy is usually waiting on the other side.

Here’s to be so close to the official ‘internship’ finish line and not giving up 💛

One of the most talked about topics in my coaching & therapy sessions is the excruciating feeling of ‘adult loneliness’....
05/02/2025

One of the most talked about topics in my coaching & therapy sessions is the excruciating feeling of ‘adult loneliness’.

Adult loneliness doesn’t always look like being alone. Sometimes, it looks like being the one who’s always there for everyone else; but still crying in your car after another day of feeling invisible or misunderstood.

Sometimes it looks like being in a relationship where you’re physically close to someone but you’re emotionally starving.

Sometimes it looks like people thinking you’re ‘so strong’ because you never ask for anything; when really, you stopped asking because no one ever really came through.

If you grew up with emotionally immature or unavailable parents, loneliness might be your default factory setting.

You may have learned to:

Tone yourself down to avoid rejection.
Prioritize others to feel safe.
Shut down your own needs to keep the peace.

And now?

You might feel weirdly more alone the older you get as result of feeling exhausted from over-giving or building a ‘big’ life that you thought would solve this inner ache.

But this loneliness doesn’t mean you’re failing.
It means you may be ready to acknowledge how you truly feel, and start prioritizing who comes into your life, and who needs to go. It means your nervous system is starting to realize:

I want more than just survival.

You may be grieving what you didn’t get growing up, and that grief hurts; but it also makes space for the intimacy you’re still learning to believe is possible.

Here’s what I want you to know:

💔You are not broken.
💔You are not “too sensitive.”
💔You are re-learning how to be with yourself in a way you were never taught.

Becoming transparent in a world that taught you to hide can be terrifying; but I’m here to tell you that your freedom is on the other side of that fear.

💛 If this resonates, my e-book on healing from narcissistic abuse dives deeper into how childhood neglect shapes our adult relationships; and how to start coming home to you. Link in bio.

Are you racking your brain trying to find ways to get someone with a narcissistic personality to FINALLY understand your...
04/28/2025

Are you racking your brain trying to find ways to get someone with a narcissistic personality to FINALLY understand your point of view; or worse, trying to get them to apologize or express empathy for what they put you through?

I have bad news.. it’s probably never going to happen.

You never ‘win’ against a narcissist..

You just stop playing their game.

That’s how you win. 🖤

If you’re still trying to “prove your worth” to someone who thrives on making you doubt it; just for today, please pause.

You will never out-logic, out-love, or outlast a narcissist’s need for control and chaos.
They don’t want resolution; they want domination.
They don’t want healing; they want your reaction.

The real power move?

✔️Disengage
✔️Detach
✔️Dismantle their power over you

You don’t win by getting an apology.
You don’t win by getting them to admit they were wrong.
You win by reclaiming your peace and walking away without needing anything from them.

Healing will ALWAYS feel more fulfilling than hustling for bread crumbs. Narcissistic abuse is one of the most psychologically abusive spells that someone can find themselves under; especially when it comes from a parent or partner. You get to decide what type of relationship you want (or can afford) to have with this person. Sometimes we need to limit contact; sometimes we need to cut it off for good. But YOU get to decide, not them, and not anyone else.

✨ If you’re ready to break free for GOOD, my new E-book: Breaking Free: Healing from Narcissistic Abuse & reclaiming Your Power walks you through the first steps to detachment, clarity, and real emotional freedom.

E-Book link 🔗 in bio 🔝

Exciting news ‼️My new 80 page E-Book: Breaking Free Healing From Narcissistic Abuse is officially out and available for...
04/25/2025

Exciting news ‼️

My new 80 page E-Book: Breaking Free Healing From Narcissistic Abuse is officially out and available for download.

I wrote this E-book for anyone who was raised by narcissistic or emotionally immature parents; for anyone who has suffered through the silent treatment; for anyone who was called ‘over-sensitive’, or for anyone who grew up emotionally starved.

I wrote this E-Book for those same kids who turn into adults chasing the same type of love they were shown growing up.

For individuals who find themselves in psychologically abusive relationships where they are gaslit, punished, and then find themselves begging for connection after their abusive partners pull away.

I know first hand how insane this can make you feel and the impact it can have on your mental health.

I’m here to tell you that you’re not crazy, and you’re definitely not alone.

I have poured everting I know about narcissistic abuse into this E-book and its packed with exercises and journal prompts to help you go from hopeless, anxious and depressed to empowered, boundaried and clear about who comes in or out of your life.

This E-Book will explain the different types of narcissists, the many ways abuse can appear, and help you set boundaries and get your confidence back.

If you’re ready to do the work and let go of the relationships & people who are no longer serving you; this E-Book is for you!

Head on over to my Instagram bio 🔝and download straight from my Linktree!

Photo credit: Talia DezsĂś Photography

Watching my amazing clients get their voices, confidence, and energy back is one of the best parts of my job. It’s an in...
04/22/2025

Watching my amazing clients get their voices, confidence, and energy back is one of the best parts of my job.

It’s an incredible experience to watch someone start off full of anxiety, hopelessness, and fear; and turn that into power, action, and a life filled with intention and determination.

Healing from narcissistic abuse and insecure attachment is probably one of the hardest things to overcome; but once you’re on the other side of it, you get to fundamentally understand that so much of our inner turmoil and chaos can be eliminated from becoming more selective with who we invite (or don’t) into our lives.

To everyone who has trusted me on this journey, thank you. Watching the light turn back on in your eyes is one of the bright spots of my life.

If you feel like you’re stuck in a vicious cycle of obsession, self-blame, or narcissistic abuse; you are NOT alone. And you’re definitely not ‘crazy’ or ‘broken’.

It may just be time to get a little more selective with who gets to stay in your life, and who needs to go 🙏🏼

I work with many individuals who share with me that they feel shame around the fact that they are too ‘needy’ or ‘clingy...
04/16/2025

I work with many individuals who share with me that they feel shame around the fact that they are too ‘needy’ or ‘clingy’ in relationships.

Whether it’s friendships, romantic relationships, or with colleagues; you’re not too ‘needy’, your nervous system is trying to control others to keep you safe.

Many of us have grown up in homes where we had to hustle for love. Maybe you’ve grown up in an environment where a parent seemed to love you one minute, and then acted cold the next. Maybe you’ve been raised by a parent with a personality disorder, alcoholism, or who exhibited strong narcissistic traits. All of the aforementioned issues will teach a child that they need to work extra hard for Mom or Dad to be happy with them; or worse, feel like they need to act as the adult in the room to keep the peace or manage a parents’ mood.

For anyone who has experienced this instability as a child, they will know how terrifying it can feel to be an adult with the weight of the world on their shoulders. They often grow up to be hyper-vigilant and take on the responsibility of keeping others ‘happy’; especially making sure others are happy with them.

Just for today, if you’re feeling ‘needy’ or being told you are too ‘clingy’; take a pause and journal what’s coming up for you.

Are you trying to regulate your inner chaos through others?

Are you convinced that your validation comes from someone else?

Are you trying to control your partners actions to make sure they align with yours?

This is your friendly reminder to loosen your grip. The hardest but most rewarding work you’ll ever do is learning that the safe base you’re so desperately searching for in others already resides within you. It’s completely normal to seek support, care, and nurturance from others, but the question is: have you learned to also give it to yourself? And can you learn to regulate without it?

If you’re ready to do the deeper work; create your own safe base; and finally break free ⛓️‍💥from being overly dependent on others; let’s chat 💬

Head on over to my website and fill out a submission form for my 10-week, Secure Self Coaching Program today. Link in bio 👆

Codependency is a pattern of behavior where an individual’s sense of identity, worth, and emotional safety becomes overl...
04/10/2025

Codependency is a pattern of behavior where an individual’s sense of identity, worth, and emotional safety becomes overly tied to someone else’s needs, moods, or approval.

Codependency often stems from childhood environments where love was conditional; boundaries were blurred; or emotional neglect was the norm. This environment creates an unsafe inner world for a child and as a result, they learn to become hyper-attuned to the needs, emotions, and moods of emotionally immature parents who are often overly-focused on themselves.

Codependency is not just about ‘needing’ others; it’s about needing relief from the chaos inside of you that was never regulated as a child.

As adults, these children grow up to feel like their emotions are too overwhelming, too loud, too unbearable… which in turn, creates a strong desire to focus on everyone else as an attempt to feel safe and regulated.

The unsafe child becomes the fixer; the helper; the one who holds it all together for everyone else.

Because fixing others feels safer than facing you.

Because if they’re okay, maybe then, they can finally breathe.

But here’s the truth:

No amount of saving others will ever heal your own wounds.
You can’t outrun your pain by micromanaging someone else’s life.

Unfortunately (and fortunately) the only way out… is in.

❤️‍🩹You don’t have to carry everyone to prove your worth.
❤️‍🩹You don’t have to break yourself to keep the peace.
❤️‍🩹Your pain deserves attention; not avoidance dressed up as caretaking.

If this sounds like you, this might be a sign that you’re ready to do the deeper work.

I have three coaching spots opening late April for my 10-week Secure Self Program which will take you from codependent to independent; insecure to secure; and will give you the confidence to finally become the most authentic, assertive, and healthy version of yourself 🙏🏼

📸 cred:

There’s nothing wrong with taking care of ourselves; fostering a strong sense of autonomy; or wanting to figure things o...
04/03/2025

There’s nothing wrong with taking care of ourselves; fostering a strong sense of autonomy; or wanting to figure things out for ourselves without having to lean too heavily on others. But like anything, when something becomes chronic, or swings too heavily from one of the end the spectrum to another; we may run into problems.

For anyone who has struggled with codependency, people pleasing, or recovering from being raised in home that lacked boundaries or emotional maturity; you may have experienced what it feels like to swing from over-functioning to under-functioning; from being codependent to hyper-independent; from spending all your money to hoarding it too tightly; or from having no boundaries to setting rigid boundaries.

This pendulum swing is actually quite normal when you’ve experienced either sides of those coins. When a person feels out of control with an addiction, a relationship, or being raised by overly-critical parents; they will naturally want to rebel in the other direction.

Both ends of the spectrum are a strategy to get our perceived needs met. Whether it’s feeling like we ‘need’ someone to function, or we will feel like people disappoint us and we don’t ‘need’ anyone in fear of being hurt again; both strategies may be too rigid.

Looking back, I was always at my loneliest when I was being too independent. At first it felt great to no longer ‘need’ anyone, or to be able to make my own decisions; but the truth is, humans are tribal people. We thrive in communities; with connection; and with the support of others.

Just for today, if you find yourself in a period of hyper-independence, reflect on what you may be fearful about. Are you protecting yourself from being vulnerable? Are you worried people won’t be there for you at the end of the day? Have you found yourself over-giving in the past, and don’t know how to find a healthy middle ground?

Remember: clear is kind, unclear is unkind. You get to be as clear as you decide today and even if you’re terrified to ask for support; you can clearly articulate that you may just need a supportive ear but aren’t looking for any feedback. Try it and let me know how it goes 🙏🏼

When I first started writing about my experience with narcissistic abuse publicly, I never thought in a million years th...
04/01/2025

When I first started writing about my experience with narcissistic abuse publicly, I never thought in a million years that so many people would relate to my experience. When I used to try and explain my feelings to family, friends, or co-workers, I would be met with more unhelpful comments like ‘yah, but they did so much for you’ or ‘that’s just how they are, don’t take it so personally’.

These types of statements can actually do more damage and pull you further away from recognizing and understanding your own experience.

If you are currently involved with a narcissistic parent, partner or co-worker, he’s what to look out for:

❌Gaslighting: You’re constantly second-guessing yourself because they twist facts, deny reality, or make you feel like you’re “too sensitive.”

❌Love-Bombing & Devaluation: At first, they put you on a pedestal; then they slowly tear you down, making you feel like the problem when their behavior changes.

❌Silent Treatment & Stonewalling: They shut down or disappear when you express needs or boundaries; punishing you with silence until you fall back in line.

❌Blame-Shifting: They never take accountability. Everything is always “your fault,” even their most harmful behavior.

❌Control Disguised as Concern: They micromanage your choices, relationships, or emotions; but mask it as “love,” “protection,” or “just caring.”

I am forever grateful that today my life is free from the psychological abuse of narcissistic people. And the truth is, when I do come across one today, I am no longer disturbed or threatened; I stay in my lane, and let them stay in theirs.

Who would have thought, almost 5 years after becoming more transparent about my personal experiences, I would have a full coaching practice where I get to help people fundamentally understand the long-term effects of this type of abuse, and help them create a framework for their future that keeps them protected, sane, and authentic in their relationships.

✅📚BIG NEWS

I’m super excited to be launching my first ebook on How to Heal from Narcissistic Abuse coming April, 2025 🤓

Stay tuned for early bird pricing and availability 🎉

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