06/22/2026
I lost my dad when I was only 12 years old.
We had a love-hate relationship, but I never doubted that he loved me. Looking back now, I realize our bond was much stronger than I understood as a child.
Sometimes I wonder what life would have been like if he were still here.
I wish he could have seen us grow up. I wish he could have witnessed how my siblings and I learned to survive together, support one another, and build lives of our own. I wish he could have been there for our victories, our failures, and the little moments that made us a family.
Maybe our lives would have been completely different.
Maybe he wouldn’t have accepted that his only son is gay.
Or maybe… just maybe… he would have surprised me. Maybe he would have looked beyond my sexuality and seen the person I became—the son who worked hard, loved deeply, and exceeded many of the expectations he once had for me.
One sentence from my childhood never left me.
“Kapag nalaman kong bakla ka, mabuti pang mamatay ka na lang, o ipapakain kita sa mga langgam hanggang magtanda ka.”
I was just a kid.
So I spent years trying to become the version of myself that I thought would make him proud. I learned to hide. I learned to pretend. I learned to be afraid.
Today, what comforts me is that time has softened the painful memories.
What remains are the moments when he carried me, laughed with me, provided for us, and loved us the only way he knew how. I know many of the harsh things he did came from the way he was raised, believing that toughness was love.
I don’t hate him for that anymore.
I just wish he had known another way.
If one day I become a father, I hope I become his complete opposite in the ways that matter most.
I hope my children never have to earn my love.
I hope they never have to hide who they are just to feel accepted.
I hope they grow up knowing that home is the safest place they can run to—not the place they fear the most.
To every father reading this: your children don’t need you to be perfect.
They need you to listen.
To understand.
To be gentle.
To love them without conditions and without judgment.
Because years from now, they may not remember every lesson you taught them.
But they will always remember how you made them feel.
Happy Father’s Day, Daddy.
I still wish you were here. ❤️
