29/07/2021
It was our 3rd date. After I paid for our adult playground date, I was surprised I didn't hear a thank you. I thought maybe, there's a possibility that he just forgot about it. I tried my best to ignore it, but I couldn't.
We were beginning to get to know each other. Am I expecting too much? I compared myself with people who wouldn't stress about it. I was dealing with a troubled financial past that made me scared to take risks in many areas of my life. But I still wanted to put myself out there to show him that I cared about our relationship.
Days later, I called and shared with him what I was wrestling with; my expectations, and how it would mean a lot for me to hear a simple "thank you".
He said he never noticed and apologized. Assured me that it wasn't too much to ask him and thanked me for the date.
It was at that moment I recognized the safety we were co-creating in this relationship. I felt safe to show him who I was. I felt supported to bring up things that were bothering me. And most importantly, he felt empowered to do something about it. Maybe it won't always be perfect and that's fine too.
Safety. It meant more to me than any other love language. It is the ultimate love language.
For the dating stage, I think it's pivotal to raise things that bother you right away and determine if your relationship values safety.
If you want to be fully embraced and create an equal opportunity for growth in your relationship, you must share your needs and make it safe for them to express theirs.
The last thing your partner needs is a recollection of hurtful events coming out of the left-field the next time they disappoint you (which is inevitable). 🤷🏻♀️
Be honest with yourself, even if what bothers you seems quite small.
Share why it makes you feel unsafe or stressed.
Offer your suggestions and ask, if they too, have any suggestions that may be helpful.
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