Starchy Tot

Starchy Tot A hot-mess mom with life experience. Inspired by other hot-mess moms. I'm a SAHM with an amazing partner and beautiful baby boy 🌼 I post every day 😎

One of the most frustrating parts of being pregnant right now is genuinely wanting to eat healthier, but groceries are s...
09/04/2026

One of the most frustrating parts of being pregnant right now is genuinely wanting to eat healthier, but groceries are so fu***ng expensive that maintaining the kind of diet I want feels literally impossible.

And I already feel like a walking, rotten gourd with no personality.

I started this pregnancy about 30 pounds heavier than I was at the beginning of my last pregnancy, and if I’m being completely transparent, I am DEPRESSED about it. I have never felt more uncomfortable or unattractive in my body than I do right now.

I know looks aren’t the end-all, be-all. I know my worth is not supposed to be determined by how pretty I feel. But when you spend 20 years of your life tying your self-worth to how pretty you are , those feelings don’t suddenly disappear because you understand, logically, that they’re unhealthy.

Genuinely, I am just so unhappy with myself right now, and it affects more of my life than I want to admit.

It dictates where I go. What I wear. Whether I want to be in pictures. Whether I feel confident enough to meet new people. Sometimes it genuinely makes me feel like I can’t even make friends because who the f**k wants to befriend a rotten gourd with no personality?

And I know I have to work on this before my daughter is born.

Not because I need to magically love every inch of myself before she gets here, but because I refuse to let my voice become the voice inside her head one day.

I refuse to teach her, even accidentally, that gaining weight makes her less worthy. That being beautiful is the price of being lovable. That her body determines whether she deserves confidence, friendship, joy, or a full life.

So apparently, alongside growing an entire human, I’m also going to have to start unlearning 20 years of bu****it.

Cool. 😂

Sometimes I think about how disappointed I am in myself for not sticking to this social media thing, but then I remember...
08/28/2026

Sometimes I think about how disappointed I am in myself for not sticking to this social media thing, but then I remember that I have only so many f**ks to give and posting on the internet was not at the top of my list of priorities. After finding out I was pregnant and my mental health immediately plummeting, I can tell you that I do miss it, but I am glad I have prioritized my rest and mental wellness 🫰

I miss you lovely people. Thank you for being so supportive and making this page feel like family ❤️

I live my life every day with one foot in a world where I matter and what I do matters and one foot in a world where not...
08/03/2026

I live my life every day with one foot in a world where I matter and what I do matters and one foot in a world where nothing matters. I am hyper-aware that everything we experience as human beings was made by human beings. Words, explainations, societal rules, financial disparity. That its a cosmic joke that the orange man is running an entire country. That food, water and shelter are not things thare are readily and abundantly available to everyone regardless of financial status. That there is so much propaganda and we will never know who to believe because EVERYTHING IS MADE UP.

Then on the other hand, I know life is beautiful. That I am so grateful to live a life full of so much love. That I have the ability to spend all day with my son. That I literally have the power to have everything I ever wanted. To shape my perspective in a way that not only brings happiness to my life, but to others. To have a healthy happy relationship full of communication, understanding, and support.

The problem I keep having is that I know and don’t do. This argument of everything has meaning and nothing matters keeps me paralyzed in a place where I want to do everything and anything to benefit myself, but I do almost nothing to benefit myself.

Does that make sense? I feel like I'm missing something much deeper that will make this inner conflict easier to understand, but if you get it. Comment, "I get it" so I know I'm not just losing my mind and maybe we can discuss.

And if you have read this far, thanks for taking a peak into my mental spiral for the day that literally happens everyday 😅

Photo: I only feel the kind of joy that fills my stomach when I am with this little boy ❤️
..maybe that’s a conversation for my therapist 😬

07/24/2026

Journey to baby #2- 17 weeks and 1 day gestation.

I'm struggling, but I'm alive and I have all the support I need. Sorry for dropping off the face of the earth 😅

05/14/2026

This genuinely makes me sick.
This happened in my city! An elderly couple was backed into, and instead of being met with accountability or even basic decency, they were met with racial slurs and verbal abuse.
I don’t care how angry, embarrassed, or escalated someone is. Racism is not a reaction. It is a choice.
I am so disappointed to see this kind of hatred in our city. People deserve to feel safe and respected here, regardless of their race, accent, age, or background.
This is not who we are as Canadians.





I know I’ve been making my pregnancy posts feel humorous and light-hearted, but today feels heavy.Like, not “haha hormon...
05/07/2026

I know I’ve been making my pregnancy posts feel humorous and light-hearted, but today feels heavy.
Like, not “haha hormones are silly” heavy.
More like “I am scared I might start believing the negative thoughts spiraling around in my head” heavy.
I think the hardest part is the helplessness. The self-awareness. Knowing I’m being ruled by my emotions, but not knowing how to climb out from under them.
It’s like the rational part of me is standing there with a clipboard saying, “Okay, babe, this is probably hormones,” while rage and misery have already stolen the keys and are driving the bus off a cliff.
I want to crawl out of my body.
I want to hide in a cave somewhere with my preferred snacks, colouring books, zero responsibilities, and absolutely no one breathing near me until I am ready to give birth.
Not because I don’t love my people.
Because I love them so much that I hate feeling like this version of me is the one they’re getting.
Today I don’t feel glowing.
I feel overwhelmed. overstimulated. scared. trapped inside a body and brain that are doing way too much.
And I know it will pass.
But today, it feels enormous.
So I’m trying to say the honest thing without dressing it up too much:
Pregnancy can be beautiful and still make you feel like you’re disappearing inside yourself.
Both can be true.
And yes, I know there is something deeply cringe about taking a photo while you’re crying.
Trust me, I know.
There is a tiny little voice in my head that’s like, “Girl, not the front-facing camera during an emotional crisis.”
But I’ve learned time and time again that people don’t always take pain seriously when it’s quiet.
When you cry in the bathroom.
When you smile through it.
When you keep functioning.
When you say, “I’m fine,” because explaining the depth of it feels like too much labour on top of already surviving it.
So yes, I took the photo.
And then I put my phone away and had one of those heavy, ugly, cathartic cries where your whole body feels like it’s trying to wring itself out.
Not because I wanted to perform my pain.
But because I promised I would keep it real with you guys.
And today, this is what real looks like.
Not polished.
Not funny.
Not easy to package.
Just a pregnant woman having a really hard day, trying not to believe every terrible thing her brain is whispering, and choosing to be honest about it instead of pretending I’m glowing when I feel like I’m coming apart.





05/06/2026

Dating apps really gave people access to endless options and somehow made emotional maturity feel like a luxury feature.

Everybody wants love, intimacy, loyalty, chemistry, depth, and a cute little forehead kiss, but half the dating pool communicates like a bunch of rabid racoons starving for water, but scared to take a drink.

More options did not make people better partners.

It just gives emotionally unavailable people a larger audience for their confusion.

And honestly, that might be the problem.

People are out here collecting matches like pokemon when what they really need are communication skills, some self-awareness, and maybe one honest conversation that doesn't require a group chat forensic investigation afterwards...





Living in a house full of men while pregnant means my entire support group has zero boob-pain experience.Every day I del...
05/06/2026

Living in a house full of men while pregnant means my entire support group has zero boob-pain experience.

Every day I deliver a formal ni**le pain briefing to my dad, my hubby, my Opa, and my son, and they all sit there nodding like this was covered in orientation.

It was not.
But I appreciate the effort. Kind of. 😅





I finally stopped crying long enough to do my makeup 🫰😝
05/01/2026

I finally stopped crying long enough to do my makeup 🫰😝





Pregnancy is so rude because I really had the audacity to spend years working on my mental health, healing my nervous sy...
05/01/2026

Pregnancy is so rude because I really had the audacity to spend years working on my mental health, healing my nervous system, learning emotional regulation, becoming self-aware… just for a tiny poppy seed with a Wi-Fi connection to my hormones to hit factory reset.
I am not even 6 weeks pregnant and already I have cried enough this morning that I’m pretty sure I need to drink double my water intake just to rehydrate my soul.
My b***s hurt. I’m nauseous. I wake up every morning in a puddle of sweat like I just fought a demon in a sauna. My dreams are so strange they feel like deleted scenes from a low-budget psychological thriller.
And my poor husband?
He’s just existing.
Meanwhile, I’m over here creating imaginary scenarios where he does something wrong, reacting emotionally to the fake thing he did in my head, and then looking at him in real life like, “Interesting behaviour, sir.”
Pregnancy really said, “Oh, you thought you were healed? Cute. Let’s see how you handle this with sore ni**les and no emotional cartilage.” 😅

Oh, and I'm crying again 😭

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