Canada Pet Chronicles

02/28/2026

02/13/2026

Black snow🫡

02/13/2026

Love ❤️

02/12/2026

Forest 🌳

02/11/2026

Fam

02/05/2026

Once again, my keepers attempted their favourite hobby of lying perfectly still and hoping I would simply pass on
Bold strategy but obviously unsuccessful

They lay there pretending to be decorative
while I withered nearby
tuxedo pristine
stomach filing formal complaints

I began gently by stationing myself on the window ledge growling at pigeons with the intensity of a creature who has read the terms and conditions of hunger
One pigeon flinched
A man walking his dog looked up
We made eye contact
He nodded his head politely, so I leaned forward half an inch
He crossed the street immediately
No hesitation
No questions
That man has seen something he will never explain

Mum cracked one eye open and sighed “Felix, what is your issue now”
My issue?
Birds
Dogs
The concept of time
And the ongoing lack of food

Escalation felt appropriate
I dragged my toy mouse into the exact centre of the bedroom
stood over it
and began body slamming it repeatedly like a wrestler working through personal demons
THUMP
THUMP
THUMP
Each impact echoed through the room like a washing machine being thrown down the stairs
Dad rolled over and whispered “Just ignore him”
Incorrect I am louder when ignored

So I climbed onto Dad’s pillow lowered myself to eye level and released a meow so long and mournful it made the lampshade vibrate in sympathy
Not yelling
Not screaming
Just the sustained cry of someone who has been emotionally abandoned
Mum sat bolt upright already laughing actual tears “Oh my COD why are you like this”
I did not answer
I am not here to explain myself

She scooped me up kissed my head and muttered “you absolute chaos gremlin, I’ll feed you before you wake the entire house”

She attempted a stealth descent downstairs
careful steps
slow breathing
total confidence
And immediately tripped over Willow the furry speed bump of destiny
I was launched forward
briefly airborne
arms out
tail screaming
Did I land near the food bowl
Yes
Did I request express delivery
No

Food appeared shortly after
Presented without eye contact
Eaten with dignity

Later
I returned to the bed
curled into Mum’s spot like a smug pastry
warm
full
already planning the sequel

The famine
predictable
The chaos
earned
The household
on notice

Felix pigeon intimidator, mouse demolition expert, lampshade vibrato specialist, chaos in formalwear 😼

01/31/2026

😂😂😂

01/30/2026

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂