06/07/2026
Being a para athlete on social media, puts me in a vulnerable position.
I don't talk about any of these things very often here... But what you all see on my page, is barely 1% of my life. Here, I post the what I wish my life was like everyday, every hours and every second of my life.
But the reality is, behind each outing, is multiple milligrams of opioids, and over 15 pills a day to feel... Normal. The pain takes over my body move that 90% of my day. I'm only able to do phsycial activity 1-2 times a week, and the rest of the time, charlie is the one doing all of the work. So I'm thankfull to have such an amazing and strong dog that allows me to live my dream. There is nothing I love more than physical activity. But there is nothing more my body hates, than physical activity. It's a nightmare to live in a body who is the complete contrary to your soul. And yet, people look at me online and think it's easy, and that I'm unstoppable. But the reality is this is social media. My sucess is very loud. And I'm very proud of it. But it's such a small percentage of what my life really is. And I can't help but feel sad, and unvalid.
I'm concidered 100% disabled in my country. That recognition is incredibly validating of my disability. I fought for it for over 6 years. Can you beleive that?
Now, my country takes the very best care of me. And I am so incredibly greatful for it. But you know what? I'm terrafied of posting about my sucess. Becasue I fear one day, my sucess could be used against me. To make me feel I'm not really disabled, chronically ill, and suffering. Becasue go my 1%, I'm scared. I'm scared of being judged, of being seen as just that blind girl on the Internet, without people realising the sad realty: I'm very ill.
My body is strong, but it won't be for long. I'm enjoying every single second of my pressious life. Because I know this feeling of sucess won't last forever and one day I will have to hang up my skiis for good.
I already have up so much in my life. I was an equestrian for over 20 years. And due to my illness, I was forbidden to ever be in contact with farm animals again after my deadly clostridium difficile infection that lasted over 2 years. �
