23/10/2025
I got this T on my wrist in London on my first trip to Europe just about a month after I left psych in 2024. I am inspired by the Berlin Cathedral every time I walk by it. I wear Utah across my chest while away to remind me of home. I cry lots of tears I’m not ashamed of anymore.
A few special people in my life have called/call me T or T-Man. When I checked into McKay Dee’s Behavioral Health unit in spring of 2024, I asked everyone there to call me T. Not because the name was cooler, but because I was drowning in deep and personal shame. Like, a lot of SHAME. I didn’t want “Taylor Knuth” associated with someone whose mental health required serious medical intervention. I was terrified of what people would think, what it would mean for my future if I ever was able to lead again (which I do every day now, btw), what it would confirm about all the things my opponents whispered about me being “different behind closed doors.” The way they would call me and the leaders on my team “dirty” time and time again. I’ll remind you, most of the leaders on the Taylor for Mayor campaign were people of color, women, q***r, and/or disabled, many of Latino/a/e descent, like myself. Anyway.
The diagnoses I received BEFORE and after that moment felt like proof I was real broken. Looking back, I think I believed Taylor Knuth was a fraudulent name anyway. It’s not my biological grandfather’s last name. That said, it is my f*ckin’ name. That’s for sure. And I am proud of that more today than ever before.
My opponents had spent so much time telling others I was lying about my accomplishments, that I wasn’t who I claimed to be, and more. BUT They never said these things TO me, just ABOUT me. But the impact was the same.
So T became my ultimate reclamation. A name for the person I was getting to know (still am) and be when everything was actually falling apart.
Here’s what I know now though with a good amount of certainty… those diagnoses that felt like evidence of brokenness? They’re just information. Information that, over time and practice, came with tools I would know how to leverage, resources I didn’t know existed, and ultimately, mine and my square squad's freedom. The shame I carried about needing help, about not being “strong enough,” about being seen as a weak person, or worst, a weak leader… turns out that shame wasn’t mine to carry. Or anyone’s, really.
I’m not posting this crying selfie because power-hungry people (who already have “power”) refuse to say my name on the record or respond to me directly when I tag them, email them, etc. (though that’s definitely still happening for sure, just look at the last two city council meeting monologues). I’m posting it because I’m done with shame. Done with blame. Done with letting other people’s problems with me become MY problem.
I "lost" an election to someone I genuinely believe was the inferior candidate and who I genuinely believe has corrupted Ogden City’s administration in ways, both during his tenure on council and as mayor, that we have never seen before. Our neighbors are being stolen and abducted off the streets and even in our COURTS in Ogden by masked and unidentified armed ICE agents. and, And, AND.
AND I thank Lady Gaga every day that I lost. Because it FREED me to become who I actually am.
In 18 months, we’ve been to Europe four times. We are here right now, because we can. Because I’m not sitting through 15-minute political performances every Tuesday for the next decade like I did for the decade before I ran. I’m living. I'm watching this stuff on X2 speed and skippin' the same ole s**t different day stuff we hear in every speech. I’m healing. I’m talking to real people about real problems in Ogden and in Utah… even from 5,186 miles away. And I love it.
The “leaders” currently in power spend their time ranting about rhetoric while the state ombudsman confirms they likely broke the law. (Read the article in the comments) They actively deflect accountability while demanding respect and good faith partnerships. Turns out their good faith partnership with the Aspen Project likely broke the law. And they refuse to acknowledge wrongdoing and repair the harm, ALL while lecturing about divisiveness and rhetoric.
Real leadership requires responsibility and accountability. I take full responsibility for every word in my op-ed. In my social media feed and contributions to various publications across the state. I stand by my experiences, my leadership, my beliefs, and my questions about how Ogden City treats its most vulnerable residents. It's better-off residents, and everyone in-between.
So what does this T tattoo mean now? It used to represent hiding. Now it represents the most visible version of myself I’ve ever been. The version that can cry and still know I’m hot. That I am a leader. A good leader. The version of me that can be wrong and still show up.
The version that lost everything I thought I wanted and won everything I actually needed.
I’m amazing these days. Not because of any ONE person or any THING. But because I feel a seismic shift happening in Utah for our most vulnerable neighbors and for folks fighting for a fair shot, and the people clinging to power are terrified of it. Or else, they wouldn't keep reading our words, watching our reels, and spending so much time obsessing and speaking about us.
Their fear and panic isn’t my problem anymore. It’s not yours either.
Get out and vote in Ogden. How to is in the link in the comments.
Cheers!
-T
