10/09/2026
Sharing this as this was/is my ex husbands MO, neurodivergent individuals are more susceptible to abusive and grooming tactics.
Love bombing, soulmates and nicknames, years ago I even saw that his girlfriend uses a nickname that was my stage name when I was a lap dancer! Wouldn’t be suprised if she suddenly started collecting bee’s and anything with a bee on it! My middle name is Bee and it’s also my youngest’s actual name! Perpetrators do this as it’s a form of manipulation and dehumanisation. Humiliation and fear of humiliation was always his number one tactic. Making me dress like crap so no one else would like me but also because it wears you down the only time I was allowed to look good was when out with him alone. Since I was the prize. He was so insecure he sought external admiration and had to be centre stage and his entire life was performative, still is everyone is an accessory and replaceable. He even had me get his name tattooed on me just 6 months into our relationship to prove I wanted to be with him. (First thing I did after filing for divorce was laser that off)
He weaponises incompetence so you do everything for him, he never paid a single bill despite controlling all the money, he gave me cash and I had to pay. Everything penny I got had to go on bills, then I would have to ask him for the difference and he would “top it up” as his money was his own. And he never gave enough. Need £415 to clear the bills and he would give you £300 and gaslight you that that’s what you said. I had PND and anxiety that both vanished when he did, my GP was the one who first noted suspected DV because she knew what I was going through, always thinking it was me who was the problem always blaming myself while my husband didn’t lift a finger and was infact splitting his time between us and his second family. Having already groomed and gotten pregnant a girl 10years younger. Because these men are incapable of living alone and not having that admiration someone had to be lined up before they end a relationship, in my case he even tried to get me to stay with him, constantly threatening to end his life, saying she would stop him seeing his son he had to pretend we weren’t together ect which had always worked before, but simultaneously telling her he has to pretend to be with me because I’m suicidal and might harm the children! In the end I told her he was abusive and showed proof but she chose to stay. I believe sometimes if someone has had abuse in their past when they meet someone else who can paint a slightly better but still coercive and controlling picture it doesn’t seem so bad. And I’m sad for her that she might never live a free life and truly know a life without abuse but more so for any children who have to live in a home walking on eggshells where your value is dictated by your gender and your performed love of your abuser. This is what being raised with no emotional attachment and performative love looks like in a man. And DARVO is their best friend!
After everything he did if I had one wish it actually wouldn’t be that he was dead, it would be that he was a good father. But he will only ever be able to perform as one inside he is broken beyond repair because you can’t fix someone who doesn’t take accountability.
He used to call me bitter when infact I was kind, I gave grace I acted reasonable in the worst of circumstances. The truth is he is bitter, bitter that i survived, bitter that I didn’t fall apart infact without him I flourished while he has repeated the exact same pattern over again. Years and years to reach what most people achieve in their 20’s only to mess it all up then start over with a new set of people who don’t know who he truly is. His family stay silent and enable him, friends never last, environment changes and he is the eternal victim and underdog, with several “crazy” exes, who was abused, who’s mum had him with a married man and never really loved him, whose been dragged through courts and discriminated against because of how he looks, a man who just wants an easy life but who causes drama wherever he goes.
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DcUC0GVMltg/?stkn=Y2NybzQ3azdyeG10
