Yo$hi & Lakitu The tiny dinos

Yo$hi & Lakitu The tiny dinos Yoshi and Lakitu the tiny dinos are two tiny tortoises living in the UK & spreading joy with their furry cat brothers 🐱đŸ˜ș

Two tiny tortoises living in the UK & spreading joy with their furry cat brothers. We make videos that are tips, facts, and general whimsy 🐱đŸ˜ș

23/08/2026

*Tortoise Fact*

If you try and do an educational live
stream, your tort will take it literal and stream a p*e and đŸ’© live to show you up
😂🙈

21/08/2026

MANUEL’S GUIDE TO HUMANS

HOW TO PICK YOUR HUMAN

Tortoises, choose carefully.

Taking on a human is a very big commitment.

They can live for quite a long time, they require constant supervision and, once attached to you, they become incredibly difficult to rehome.

So don’t just take the first one who picks you up and says:

“Awwwwww.”

You need to observe them first.

The most important thing is to find one you think you can train.

Some humans are naturally very promising.

Look for one who notices a stare.

This is important.

A well-trained human should eventually be able to distinguish between:

I would like some food.

I would like that food.

I would like different food.

Move that.

Open this.

I wish to go over there.

And:

I have absolutely no reason for staring at you. I just wanted to see what you’d do.

Patience is another excellent quality.

A human may spend twenty minutes searching the garden for you while you sit quietly underneath a plant watching the whole thing.

Do not reveal yourself too early.

This is part of their training.

Eventually they’ll start crawling around on their hands and knees saying your name into bushes.

Excellent.

You’ve got a good one.

Gardening ability is also essential.

You don’t necessarily need to find an experienced gardener.

In fact, sometimes it’s better if you don’t.

Experienced gardeners can have ridiculous ideas about pulling up dandelions.

What you’re looking for is potential.

Within a few years, your human should be able to identify plantain from thirty paces and become visibly excited by an enormous sow thistle growing beside a car park.

This is progress.

You also need a human who isn’t overly precious about their belongings.

Shoes may be climbed on.

Patios may be pooed on.

Flowerbeds may be rearranged.

Plants may be eaten.

Things they have spent three hours carefully planting may need to be sat on immediately.

If this upsets them, keep looking.

A good human also understands personal space.

Specifically, that theirs belongs to you.

Feet are useful basking platforms.

Doorways are excellent places to stop.

And if your human is trying to walk somewhere, there is absolutely no reason why you shouldn’t suddenly appear directly in front of them.

This keeps their reflexes sharp.

Food is an excellent final test.

Choose a human who understands that you require a proper tortoise diet, not one who thinks you’re some sort of tiny dustbin with a shell.

However, once you’ve selected them, it’s perfectly acceptable to behave as though you have never been fed in your entire life.

Stand by the food area.

Stare.

Pace.

Look weak.

If necessary, take one solemn bite of a dandelion and then stare at them again.

Humans are extremely susceptible to guilt.

Use this responsibly.

And finally, look for kindness.

Underneath all the strange noises, unnecessary worrying and constant need to photograph us, the best humans genuinely want to get it right.

They learn.

They change.

They worry when we disappear.

They grow weeds deliberately.

They spend money building us things we immediately ignore.

And they will happily crawl underneath a bush in their best clothes because they’re convinced we’ve gone missing.

That’s the human you want.

You’ll know when you’ve found one.

And if you’re very lucky, after twenty or thirty years of patient, consistent training


you may finally be able to keep them.

Love Manuel x

Enjoying Manuel’s lessons?
There’s plenty more where this came from!
Head over to our website Tortoise Hotel and click “Manuel’s Club” to join our growing community.
It won't be long now, you'll soon receive Manuel’s latest human training lessons, exclusive tortoise tips, behind-the-scenes stories from the Tortoise Hotel, and plenty more tortoise wisdom delivered straight to you. 💚
We’d love to welcome you.

21/08/2026

While we can smell the autumn approaching, we will start talking about hibernation. Some people refer to this as brumation.

Here is why...

20/08/2026

*Tortoise barometer*
Nothing predicts the weather better than a tiny tortoise and in good news it's proper raining in the UK....finally!

20/08/2026

This is a great example of why tortoises don't need "friends" and shouldn't be kept together unless you have a lot of space and know what tortoise bullying looks like.

18/08/2026

*Tortoise tip*

Variety is the spice of life and the same goes for tortoise enclosures. When you live in a country where the weather can fluctuate daily it's a good idea to give your tortoises access to different types of spaces like a cold frame or greenhouse so they can choose to hang out in the warmer spaces if they wish

15/08/2026

MANUEL’S GUIDE TO HUMANS: The Tortoise With an Out-of-Office Reply

THE HORSFIELD TORTOISE

Four toes, a shovel and absolutely no respect for boundaries

Humans, we need to discuss Horsfields. Because somewhere right now, a human is staring into an empty enclosure shouting:

“WHERE’S THE TORTOISE?”

Relax. You’ve got a Horsfield.

I’m Manuel, a respectable spur-thighed tortoise, and even I think these chaps are slightly bonkers.

FIRST, THEY’RE NOT MEDITERRANEAN

Horsfields come from Central Asia, where their ancestors dealt with dry steppes, rocky ground, baking summers, freezing winters and enormous changes in temperature.

While my ancestors were enjoying the Mediterranean lifestyle, theirs were basically doing SAS selection.

This explains a lot.

THEIR YEAR IS BONKERS TOO

In parts of their natural range, Horsfields may have a main above-ground activity period of only around three months.

THREE MONTHS!

Wake up. Eat. Walk. Mate. Dig. Female lays eggs. Inspect perimeter. Escape. Human retrieves you. Escape again.

Excellent. Annual business concluded.

As conditions become extremely hot and dry, some retreat underground and dramatically reduce their activity. Then winter comes and, you guessed it, back underground.

Frankly, it’s less of an annual calendar and more of an out-of-office reply.

Thank you for contacting Horsfield. Horsfield is currently unavailable.

Unfortunately, due to excessive sunshine, insufficient sunshine, inappropriate temperature or simply not fancying it, Horsfield will not be responding at this time.

For urgent enquiries, please leave a dandelion outside the burrow.

Do not chase.

THEY DON’T JUST DIG

Other tortoises dig.

Horsfields undertake civil engineering projects.

In the wild, they can construct burrows reaching around two metres long, sometimes with a larger chamber at the end.

Two metres! That’s not a burrow. That’s a bungalow.

Spacious underground residence. Naturally climate controlled. Private entrance. Humans prohibited.

There is a very sensible reason for it. Their burrows help protect them from extremes of heat, cold and dryness.

So when your Horsfield disappears underground, he isn’t necessarily being difficult. He’s doing exactly what thousands of years of evolution have told him to do.

Although doing it directly underneath the beautiful tortoise house you bought him is clearly personal.

THEY ARE ESCAPE ARTISTS

Humans, never stand beside a Horsfield enclosure and say:

“There’s absolutely no way he can get out of that.”

He can hear you. And now you’ve made it personal.

They dig, scramble and climb remarkably well. You see a secure enclosure. The Horsfield sees an escape room.

Wall? Interesting. Corner? Promising. Rock beside wall?

Thank you for the staircase, Susan.

You can build Fort Knox. Your Horsfield will walk around once, stop beside the lavender and think:

There. 11mm. Been monitoring it since Tuesday. Tonight we move.

Horsfields characteristically have four toes or claws on each foot, hence their other common name, the four-toed tortoise.

Personally, I think Central Asian Escape Potato tells a prospective human considerably more.

NOW LET’S TALK ABOUT SUMMER

Humans have a peculiar equation:

Hot weather + tortoise = VERY HAPPY TORTOISE.

Not necessarily.

We’re tortoises. Not solar panels.

During very hot, dry conditions, Horsfields can dramatically reduce their activity and some wild populations retreat underground and aestivate.

They may also be much more active during the cooler morning and later afternoon than during the hottest part of the day.

Which is why, during a heatwave, you occasionally find a human kneeling beside a burrow waving a dandelion.

“Basil? Your favourite?”

Nothing.

Dandelion wiggles hopefully.

From somewhere eighteen inches underground:

Madam. We’re closed.

AND WHAT IF THEY STOP EATING?

Don’t immediately panic, but don’t automatically assume it’s normal either.

I need context, humans.

Is your tortoise otherwise healthy and alert? Hydrated? Is the weight stable? What are the temperatures? Has your tortoise buried itself? Is it extremely hot? Recently emerged from hibernation? Any signs of illness?

Horsfields are highly seasonal animals and appetite can change with temperature, light, season and activity.

So “DAY FIVE. COLIN HAS REFUSED DANDELION” isn’t a complete medical history.

A healthy, hydrated Horsfield hiding during extreme heat is very different from a lethargic tortoise losing weight or showing signs of illness.

YES, THEY CAN DO BOTH

Winter dormancy and summer aestivation.

Honestly, Horsfields have discovered more ways of being unavailable than my human’s plumber.

Too cold? Underground. Too hot? Underground. Too dry? Underground.

Conditions perfect?

RIGHT. WE HAVE A WINDOW. Eat. Mate. Dig. Escape. GO GO GO.

DRY DOESN’T MEAN NO WATER

Horsfields evolved in dry environments and need well-ventilated conditions rather than permanently wet, stagnant ones.

But they still need access to water.

They’re tortoises. Not Ryvitas.

And remember, conditions inside those burrows can be very different from the dry, exposed surface.

FOOD IS ACTUALLY SIMPLE

High fibre, appropriate calcium and minerals, low protein and low fat. Suitable weeds, leaves and flowers.

Proper tortoise food.

Not fruit. Not endless cucumber. And not inappropriate food because Derek “won’t eat anything else.”

Derek refuses weeds. Human panics. Human produces favourite food.

Derek thinks:

Excellent. Staff responding well to training.

SO WHAT MAKES A HORSFIELD DIFFERENT?

It isn’t simply the four toes. Their whole behaviour has been shaped by surviving a harsh and highly seasonal environment.

That explains the digging, climbing, disappearing and changing appetite. Once you understand where they came from, a lot of supposedly strange Horsfield behaviour suddenly makes perfect sense.

Although if you own one, there is still one question I recommend asking regularly:

“Where is he?”

Because while you’ve been reading this, the 11mm gap behind the lavender is now 14mm.

Love Manuel x
Enjoying Manuel’s lessons?
There’s plenty more where this came from!
Head over to our website Tortoise Hotel and click “Manuel’s Club” to join our growing community.
Enjoy exclusive tortoise tips, behind-the-scenes stories from the Tortoise Hotel, and plenty more tortoise wisdom delivered straight to you. 💚
We’d love to welcome you.

13/08/2026

The tale of 2 tortoises. At the top we have a sensible sheltering in the shade of a plant whereas below we have a fruit loop hanging out in the greenhouse in 36 degree sunshine. The important thing to remember with tortoises in this heat is given them choices

11/08/2026

As we enter what feels like the 17th UK heatwave this summer, I'm resharing our video with tips but also a reminder that whilst this feels incredibly hot to us, this is great for tortoises to be outside in as long as they've got the proper set up and environment. Shade, shelter, access to water and loose, deep soil to dig in are just as essential as nature UV 😊

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