Midlife ADHD

02/09/2026

This is the b**r fridge of doom, in the newsagents at the end of my road.

I used to spend £300+ a month on the products in that fridge. Yes, £300. A ridiculous sum of money to be spending on poison, but yes that’s what I did. All to quieten my brain after a long day.

Guess how much I spend now? £0. Absolutely nothing. Zero. Zilch. I’ve beaten a drink problem with my own sheer force of will. In fact I’ve gone one better - I’m now so comfortable that I can drink socially and still have no urge to drink like I used to. I don’t have to avoid it.

I am really hard on myself because I don’t believe I have achieved anywhere near what I should have achieved at 38, but really thinking about it, beating a drink problem is right up there with some of my biggest achievements.

Carrying a few extra pounds? Struggling with your skin? Feeling down and you aren’t sure why? Skint all the time? Have a look at the amount you’re drinking. If you make changes then I absolutely guarantee you will feel better. I absolutely guarantee it.

Alcohol is poison. I don’t care if it’s ‘socially acceptable’ - it is poison and we’d all be better off if we didn’t drink it, quite frankly.

18/08/2026

The problem with this framing is that it assumes people are being diagnosed and then simply deciding they don’t want treatment.

For a lot of people, that isn’t what is happening at all.

People get diagnosed with ADHD and then discover that the diagnosis is basically the end of the road. There is very little guidance about what happens next, where to get support, what treatment options are available, or even how to navigate the system.

And even if you do want medication, diagnosis doesn’t necessarily mean you can actually access it. There can be a completely separate waiting list for titration after you’ve already waited months or years just to get diagnosed. Some NHS Right to Choose providers are currently reporting waits of many months for ADHD medication after assessment. (Psychiatry UK)

So when people say, “Why are so many people getting diagnosed but not pursuing treatment?”, I’d ask a different question:

How many people are actually being given a clear, accessible pathway from diagnosis to treatment and support?

Because being handed an ADHD diagnosis and then effectively being told “right, off you go” isn’t treatment.

A diagnosis should be the beginning of support, not the point where the system washes its hands of you.

The NHS’s own ADHD Taskforce acknowledges that access to treatment and other forms of support is far too limited.

People don’t necessarily need to be persuaded to pursue treatment.

Sometimes they just need someone to actually tell them how.

Psychiatrists in Channel 4 documentary argue it is more a ‘social construct’ than a medical condition

09/07/2026

How ADHD affects me as a 30-something adult, in a series of pictures. A thread.

17/06/2026

I’ve had a bad few weeks so in an effort to fight the self hate, the anxiety, the loneliness, I decided to stick a shirt on, do my hair and go out to mix with the football crowd. I just felt that being around people might help.

Well I went into a local bar and there’s no one in here. I was too polite to do an about turn when I walked in and noticed the lack of people, so I bought a pint and settled in for a rather lonely football match.

I can’t even find people when I go looking for them. I can’t really describe to you how lonely I am right now.

01/06/2026

I love comparisons like this. First photo mentally unstable, nearly 20 stone, alcohol abusing idiot.

Second photo less than 14 stone, much more stable, alcohol-free nuclear reactor of neurodivergent ENERGY!

I’m not the finished article by any means, but I’m in a much better place than I have been for the vast majority of my adult life.

I need to keep going and keep improving…. And most importantly, I need to be kinder to myself, because I’m really not.

Never ever give up. You could be one small decision away from your life changing for the better.

21/05/2026

What some people think ADHD is:

Hyperactive kids

What ADHD actually is:

Short attention span
Difficulty sticking to tasks
Careless mistakes
Overlooking details in work
Overlooking details in schoolwork
Seeming not to listen
Mind being elsewhere when spoken to
Frequently starting projects but not completing them
Getting sidetracked easily
Poor organization
Trouble prioritizing tasks
Keeping belongings untidy
Poor time management
Forgetfulness in daily activities
Forgetting to pay bills
Forgetting appointments
Regularly losing items like keys
Regularly losing wallets
Regularly losing phones
Avoidance of mental effort
Procrastination toward sustained focus
Fidgeting constantly
Tapping hands or feet
Squirming in seats
Playing with objects nervously
Inability to stay seated
Getting up during meetings
Getting up during classes
Excessive talking
Talking over other people
Finishing others' sentences
Struggling to play quietly
Struggling to work quietly
Internal restlessness
Feeling driven by a motor
Inability to relax
Interrupting conversations
Difficulty waiting for a turn
Impulsive decisions
Impulsive spending
Impulsive eating
Engaging in risky behaviors
Inner restlessness in adulthood
Constant fidgeting in adulthood
Quitting jobs abruptly
Zoning out in conversations
Missing work deadlines
Chronic lateness
Intense emotional reactions
Sudden anger over small changes
Deep frustration over setbacks
Mood swings
Low frustration tolerance
Quick temper
Time blindness
Difficulty estimating task duration
Difficulty shutting off the brain
Nighttime insomnia
Irregular sleep patterns
Analysis paralysis
Overthinking tasks to immobilization
Extreme sensitivity to rejection
Overwhelming embarrassment from criticism

Having ADHD is hard. Really hard.

Awareness means looking past the stereotypes and understanding the actual exhaustion of executive dysfunction. If you have ADHD, give yourself some credit for navigating a world that wasn't built for the way you think.

You are doing better than you think you are.

10/05/2026

I’ve been having therapy. For the first time in my life.

What? Yes, only the first time surprisingly. I’ve had a few bouts of CBT over the years to try to untangle my brain, and all of the meds under the sun, but of course nothing has really helped. Nothing ‘official’ anyway.

The next thing then. Talking to someone over the phone about my deepest, darkest traumas. Every time I tell her something new, the silence afterwards is deafening. Seconds long but feels like years. The sympathetic tone in her voice afterwards as she tells me it isn’t my fault.

It’s not your fault

It’s not your fault

It’s not your fault

It’s not your fault

It’s not your fault

Well I disagree. To a point anyway. Yes, I’ve been through a significant amount of trauma in my young life and beyond, but I’ve still made bad decisions. No one made me drink when I had a drink problem, for example. I put the b**r can to my lips, no one else.

It’s so easy, when you suffer every day, to look for blame elsewhere. Yes, other people can be absolute bell ends, but the healing process can only truly begin when you search deep within yourselves to identify where you went wrong, and where you continue to go wrong. We can only do it ourselves, after all. No one else will get us out of this s**t we constantly find ourselves swimming in.

I’m writing this for because it’s really important to talk about these things. Too many people - men especially - suffer in silence and eventually lose their lives as a consequence. Holding on to all of these poisonous feelings. All of the blame. All of the guilt. It starts to become the very fabric of your being, and eats away at you until there is nothing left. You can’t let that happen.

It isn’t my fault, I know it isn’t. Apart from the fact it is though, isn’t it?

What a confusing world we live in.

05/05/2026

I’m sitting here, staring at this coffee.

I’m supposed to be enjoying a rare day off work, but instead I’m performing an in depth, root and branch breakdown of the near 38 years I have lived so far. Every trauma is being relived in vivid detail, every interaction analysed to find fault with my own actions. I am being exceptionally brutal to myself I really am. So much so in fact, the way I’m speaking to myself right now…I wouldn’t talk this way to my worst enemy.

This got me thinking.

Why the f**k AM i talking to myself like this? The insults, the defeatist language, the pure hatred in my own thoughts…directed at myself. If ANYONE spoke to my nearest and dearest like this I would be kicking arses and taking names. But yet I allow it to happen to myself?

Well this is notice to myself, my brain and anyone out there that talking to yourself like s**t isn’t ok. You wouldn’t do it to others, so stop f**king doing it to yourself. You deserve kindness, and believe it or not, not EVERYTHING is your fault.

I can’t say I’ll stop…but this is me admitting that I need to be kinder to myself.

It’s a start.

30/04/2026

My soul hurts, it really does.

I thought I had broken the cycle. Lifted the curse. Escaped the dark, painful void.

But here I am, back again. Questioning absolutely everything. Taking everything personally. Analysing every single interaction in microscopic detail and punishing myself afterwards. Struggling to concentrate. Eating at the wrong times and the wrong things. My energy has been replaced by deep lethargy and a hatred of myself and my body.

I have people around me, but I’m so alone. No one could possibly understand what’s going on in my head which just adds to the pain.

Has anyone managed to break the cycle of burnout and self hatred? Why can’t I just exist without mental health problems?

It’s only a matter of time before the people who supposedly love me get sick of me and leave. After all, who’d want to put up with this?

I’m scared, I’m lonely, I’m bored, and I’m tired.

So tired.

26/04/2026

Despite all of the positive changes I’ve made in my life. Despite the progress I’ve made in terms of my mental health. Despite the awareness I now have about my brain and why I do the things that I do…

Once again, I find myself slap bang in the middle of burnout.

Something that doesn’t get spoken about enough is how common burnout can be for people with ADHD. Constantly masking, overthinking, people pleasing, pushing through exhaustion and trying to keep up can take a serious toll over time.

Speaking to people has become harder. I’m not enjoying things anymore. I am so exhausted all the time. I am eating sporadically and the wrong things. I am questioning myself and every single interaction I’ve ever had ever. My creativity has all but disappeared. My personality has changed.

I’m isolating myself to try to recover. But how do I recover from something I don’t even understand myself?

Does anyone else ever feel like burnout doesn’t just exhaust you… it takes pieces of you with it?