Midlife ADHD

Midlife ADHD A bloke in his mid-thirties writing about his experiences with ADHD and mental health. Sometimes funny. Always honest.

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I’ve had a bad few weeks so in an effort to fight the self hate, the anxiety, the loneliness, I decided to stick a shirt...
17/06/2026

I’ve had a bad few weeks so in an effort to fight the self hate, the anxiety, the loneliness, I decided to stick a shirt on, do my hair and go out to mix with the football crowd. I just felt that being around people might help.

Well I went into a local bar and there’s no one in here. I was too polite to do an about turn when I walked in and noticed the lack of people, so I bought a pint and settled in for a rather lonely football match.

I can’t even find people when I go looking for them. I can’t really describe to you how lonely I am right now.

10/06/2026

I think I’ve finally figured out why I don’t have any friends.

I get attached to people really easily, and intensely.

Not in a weird way. I just genuinely enjoy talking to people. If I click with someone, I want to talk to them all the time. I’ll think about conversations we’ve had and get excited about talking to them again.

The problem is that my friendships seem to start at 100mph.

Most people build friendships gradually. They message now and then, get to know each other over time and slowly become part of each other’s lives.

I don’t seem to work like that.

If I like someone, my brain immediately decides we’re best mates. I don’t understand the whole concept of maintaining friendships because in my head we’re either close friends or we’re not.

If the other person doesn’t match my intensity, I usually assume they’re not interested and the friendship dies before it’s even started.

Not because they’ve done anything wrong.

Not because I don’t like them.

I just lose interest and move on.

So I don’t think the reason I don’t have many friends is because people don’t like me.

I think it’s because I expect everyone to approach friendship the same way I do, and most people simply don’t.

Which means I’ve spent years accidentally ending friendships before they’ve even had a chance to begin.

I’m feeling this pretty badly tonight. Can anyone relate?

I love comparisons like this. First photo mentally unstable, nearly 20 stone, alcohol abusing idiot.Second photo less th...
01/06/2026

I love comparisons like this. First photo mentally unstable, nearly 20 stone, alcohol abusing idiot.

Second photo less than 14 stone, much more stable, alcohol-free nuclear reactor of neurodivergent ENERGY!

I’m not the finished article by any means, but I’m in a much better place than I have been for the vast majority of my adult life.

I need to keep going and keep improving…. And most importantly, I need to be kinder to myself, because I’m really not.

Never ever give up. You could be one small decision away from your life changing for the better.

21/05/2026

What some people think ADHD is:

Hyperactive kids

What ADHD actually is:

Short attention span
Difficulty sticking to tasks
Careless mistakes
Overlooking details in work
Overlooking details in schoolwork
Seeming not to listen
Mind being elsewhere when spoken to
Frequently starting projects but not completing them
Getting sidetracked easily
Poor organization
Trouble prioritizing tasks
Keeping belongings untidy
Poor time management
Forgetfulness in daily activities
Forgetting to pay bills
Forgetting appointments
Regularly losing items like keys
Regularly losing wallets
Regularly losing phones
Avoidance of mental effort
Procrastination toward sustained focus
Fidgeting constantly
Tapping hands or feet
Squirming in seats
Playing with objects nervously
Inability to stay seated
Getting up during meetings
Getting up during classes
Excessive talking
Talking over other people
Finishing others' sentences
Struggling to play quietly
Struggling to work quietly
Internal restlessness
Feeling driven by a motor
Inability to relax
Interrupting conversations
Difficulty waiting for a turn
Impulsive decisions
Impulsive spending
Impulsive eating
Engaging in risky behaviors
Inner restlessness in adulthood
Constant fidgeting in adulthood
Quitting jobs abruptly
Zoning out in conversations
Missing work deadlines
Chronic lateness
Intense emotional reactions
Sudden anger over small changes
Deep frustration over setbacks
Mood swings
Low frustration tolerance
Quick temper
Time blindness
Difficulty estimating task duration
Difficulty shutting off the brain
Nighttime insomnia
Irregular sleep patterns
Analysis paralysis
Overthinking tasks to immobilization
Extreme sensitivity to rejection
Overwhelming embarrassment from criticism

Having ADHD is hard. Really hard.

Awareness means looking past the stereotypes and understanding the actual exhaustion of executive dysfunction. If you have ADHD, give yourself some credit for navigating a world that wasn't built for the way you think.

You are doing better than you think you are.

I’ve been having therapy. For the first time in my life.What? Yes, only the first time surprisingly. I’ve had a few bout...
10/05/2026

I’ve been having therapy. For the first time in my life.

What? Yes, only the first time surprisingly. I’ve had a few bouts of CBT over the years to try to untangle my brain, and all of the meds under the sun, but of course nothing has really helped. Nothing ‘official’ anyway.

The next thing then. Talking to someone over the phone about my deepest, darkest traumas. Every time I tell her something new, the silence afterwards is deafening. Seconds long but feels like years. The sympathetic tone in her voice afterwards as she tells me it isn’t my fault.

It’s not your fault

It’s not your fault

It’s not your fault

It’s not your fault

It’s not your fault

Well I disagree. To a point anyway. Yes, I’ve been through a significant amount of trauma in my young life and beyond, but I’ve still made bad decisions. No one made me drink when I had a drink problem, for example. I put the beer can to my lips, no one else.

It’s so easy, when you suffer every day, to look for blame elsewhere. Yes, other people can be absolute bell ends, but the healing process can only truly begin when you search deep within yourselves to identify where you went wrong, and where you continue to go wrong. We can only do it ourselves, after all. No one else will get us out of this s**t we constantly find ourselves swimming in.

I’m writing this for because it’s really important to talk about these things. Too many people - men especially - suffer in silence and eventually lose their lives as a consequence. Holding on to all of these poisonous feelings. All of the blame. All of the guilt. It starts to become the very fabric of your being, and eats away at you until there is nothing left. You can’t let that happen.

It isn’t my fault, I know it isn’t. Apart from the fact it is though, isn’t it?

What a confusing world we live in.

I’m sitting here, staring at this coffee.I’m supposed to be enjoying a rare day off work, but instead I’m performing an ...
05/05/2026

I’m sitting here, staring at this coffee.

I’m supposed to be enjoying a rare day off work, but instead I’m performing an in depth, root and branch breakdown of the near 38 years I have lived so far. Every trauma is being relived in vivid detail, every interaction analysed to find fault with my own actions. I am being exceptionally brutal to myself I really am. So much so in fact, the way I’m speaking to myself right now…I wouldn’t talk this way to my worst enemy.

This got me thinking.

Why the f**k AM i talking to myself like this? The insults, the defeatist language, the pure hatred in my own thoughts…directed at myself. If ANYONE spoke to my nearest and dearest like this I would be kicking arses and taking names. But yet I allow it to happen to myself?

Well this is notice to myself, my brain and anyone out there that talking to yourself like s**t isn’t ok. You wouldn’t do it to others, so stop f**king doing it to yourself. You deserve kindness, and believe it or not, not EVERYTHING is your fault.

I can’t say I’ll stop…but this is me admitting that I need to be kinder to myself.

It’s a start.

30/04/2026

My soul hurts, it really does.

I thought I had broken the cycle. Lifted the curse. Escaped the dark, painful void.

But here I am, back again. Questioning absolutely everything. Taking everything personally. Analysing every single interaction in microscopic detail and punishing myself afterwards. Struggling to concentrate. Eating at the wrong times and the wrong things. My energy has been replaced by deep lethargy and a hatred of myself and my body.

I have people around me, but I’m so alone. No one could possibly understand what’s going on in my head which just adds to the pain.

Has anyone managed to break the cycle of burnout and self hatred? Why can’t I just exist without mental health problems?

It’s only a matter of time before the people who supposedly love me get sick of me and leave. After all, who’d want to put up with this?

I’m scared, I’m lonely, I’m bored, and I’m tired.

So tired.

26/04/2026

Despite all of the positive changes I’ve made in my life. Despite the progress I’ve made in terms of my mental health. Despite the awareness I now have about my brain and why I do the things that I do…

Once again, I find myself slap bang in the middle of burnout.

Something that doesn’t get spoken about enough is how common burnout can be for people with ADHD. Constantly masking, overthinking, people pleasing, pushing through exhaustion and trying to keep up can take a serious toll over time.

Speaking to people has become harder. I’m not enjoying things anymore. I am so exhausted all the time. I am eating sporadically and the wrong things. I am questioning myself and every single interaction I’ve ever had ever. My creativity has all but disappeared. My personality has changed.

I’m isolating myself to try to recover. But how do I recover from something I don’t even understand myself?

Does anyone else ever feel like burnout doesn’t just exhaust you… it takes pieces of you with it?

17th December 2022 was the day I was diagnosed with ADHD and suddenly my life started to make sense.After being diagnose...
12/04/2026

17th December 2022 was the day I was diagnosed with ADHD and suddenly my life started to make sense.

After being diagnosed with a life-altering disability, I naturally assumed there would be loads of help available. I was promised meds which would revolutionise my life, and after spending what felt like hundreds of hours reading success stories online, I was convinced that I was finally going to start living up to my obvious potential, and at the same time, I was going to beat the problems that had been holding me back for so long.

Well titration was massively rushed, so in the end the meds were unsuitable for me due to the side effects. I was then discharged. waved goodbye to. Sent off into the big, bad world armed with this life changing diagnosis but without a single way to get any help for it. It took a long time and a total mindset shift, but.....

Alcohol problem - beaten on my own with no professional help.

Depression - My moods are much more stable, with no professional help and no medication.

Weight - I lost 6 stone on my own with no professional help.

ADHD - ????

Notice the similarities there? Yes, on my own with no help.

Mental health services in this country are completely unfit for purpose, even more so for neurodivergent 'support' services. In some areas, these 'services' are locked behind multiple-years long waiting lists, or simply don't exist at all. How can that possibly be true? How can so many people be afflicted by these conditions but yet are completely unable to get any help?

Everything I do, everything I create, is to ensure people don't have to fight through mental strife on their own, like I had to. That's why I created Leek Neurodiversity Support - a safe space to meet other like-minded neurodivergent individuals, whilst getting support and advice in the process. I plan on creating support groups like this all over the country, with close links to social prescribers and GP practices too.

The answer lies within the community. Getting support and answers from like-minded people who have been through the same stuff you have, is massively beneficial and is key to surviving a world that is all about 'every man for himself' instead of actually helping other people.

If you suffer from the things I have mentioned, you will understand the struggle. Please know that there are people out there determined to make a difference to what is a terrible system, and I am one of them.

Change is coming. Slowly, but it's coming.

Don't ever give up

06/03/2026

BIG NEWS EVERYONE!

I’ve finally stopped procrastinating and have created something I’ve always wanted to create - a neurodiversity support group in the town I live in - Leek in Staffordshire.

It comprises of a Facebook messenger based chat community, and an in person support group which will be meeting at 7pm at a day and venue tbc.

23 people have already joined and I only set it up the day before yesterday so the demand is clearly there.

So if you’re local and are looking for neurodiversity support from people who actually understand your brain, then comment here or send my page a message and I’ll send you an invite. Plus you’d even get to meet me! 🤣

You don’t have to struggle through alone. Don’t you forget that.

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Leek

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