16/09/2026
A 12 year old boy has been suspended from school after tyrannical teachers discovered he had launched his own illegal lunchtime takeaway selling foods that were BANNED from the school canteen
Gary Tumnus, from Sheffield, allegedly smuggled an air fryer into school inside his P.E bag before establishing a thriving black market food operation selling fish and chips, turkey dinosaurs, chicken nuggets, and other prohibited delicacies!
The year 8 entrepreneur's business quickly became so successful that pupils were allegedly queuing down the corridor for his £8 Fish and Chips and his £5 Dino Meal Deal, consisting of six turkey dinosaurs, 23 chips and one sachet of tomato ketchup.
Teachers finally uncovered the operation after becoming suspicious when 23 pupils were seen queing outside a disused store cupboard with the corridor smelling strongly of haddock
Power mad staff reportedly confiscated a dual air fryer, 3kg of frozen chips, 41 turkey dinosaurs, several sachets of ketchup and £126 in takings.
Gary's furious mother, Sharon Stones, 39, also from Sheffield, had to attend the school to collect her son and the confiscated contraband, spoke to the press and said,
"Schools are always telling children to be entrepreneurial and prepare themselves for the world of work. He finds a gap in the market, establishes a loyal customer base, turns a profit and suddenly he's suspended!"
"If anything, they should be giving him a GCSE in Business Studies!"
