30/08/2026
STOP GIVING MURDER A “BECAUSE”.
I have been following some of the conversations happening around the recent killings of women, and there is a direction this conversation is taking that deeply concerns me.
I have seen statements such as:
“Femicide will continue if women continue to cheat.”
“Femicide will continue if DNA results keep coming back negative.”
“Women need to take accountability too.”
I understand the conversation about accountability.
Women are not above accountability.
If a woman cheats, lies, verbally abuses her partner, deceives someone about paternity, financially exploits someone or behaves terribly in a relationship, we can and SHOULD have those conversations.
But not as an explanation for murder.
There is a line we must not cross.
A human being’s right to remain alive does not depend upon their good behaviour.
If she cheats on you — leave her.
If she lies to you — leave her.
If she humiliates you — leave her.
If you discover that a child you believed was biologically yours is not — seek support, seek whatever lawful remedy is available to you, and leave if that is your decision.
If she no longer wants the relationship — let her go.
Be angry.
Cry.
Grieve.
Get therapy.
Call your family.
Call your friends.
Walk away and never speak to her again if that is what you need to do.
But you do not get to kill her.
You have choices.
Murder is not one of them.
And this principle works both ways.
If a man cheats on his wife, should she kill him?
If he fathers children outside the marriage, should she kill him?
If she finances his education and he leaves her for another woman, should she kill him?
If he lies, betrays or humiliates her, should she take his life?
Of course not.
So why would we create a different moral standard when the victim is a woman?
You did not give another human being life. Their life does not become yours to take because they disappointed you.
This is why I believe some of the language entering this conversation is dangerous.
When we say “femicide will continue if women keep cheating,” we are no longer simply condemning cheating.
We are connecting her behaviour to his decision to kill.
And internationally, experts have warned us about exactly this kind of framing.
UN Women describes femicide as the most extreme and brutal manifestation of gender-based violence. Its joint research with UNODC specifically identifies attempts to “punish what is considered to be unacceptable female behaviour” among the gender-related factors that can underpin these killings. (UN Women Knowledge Hub)
UN Women guidance on reporting violence goes even further: it tells communicators to keep the perpetrator’s actions visible and to avoid language that suggests a woman caused or provoked the violence committed against her. (UN Women Asia-Pacific)
And research published through the World Health Organization warns that victim-blaming attitudes can actually make perpetrators feel publicly justified in acting violently. (Iris)
Think about that.
Our words matter.
We must be very careful that in trying to teach women accountability, we don’t accidentally teach violent men justification.
There will be a time and place for the conversation about women’s behaviour in relationships.
I want that conversation too.
At Love Lab, we talk constantly about standards, healing, self-worth, choosing healthy partners, recognising red flags and taking responsibility for the relationships we create.
I will continue telling women:
Raise your standards.
Heal.
Build yourself.
Become financially capable.
Learn to be alone.
Stop romanticising jealousy, possessiveness and control.
Know the difference between love and obsession.
Know when somebody is dangerous.
And if you need to leave a dangerous relationship, seek support and leave strategically and safely.
But hear me clearly:
I tell women to raise their standards because their lives are valuable — NOT because their standards are responsible for a man’s violence.
Those are two entirely different conversations.
Accountability for cheating belongs to the person who cheated.
Accountability for deception belongs to the person who deceived.
Accountability for abuse belongs to the person who abused.
And accountability for murder belongs to the person who murdered.
Period.
Cameroon, we can discuss infidelity.
We can discuss paternity deception.
We can discuss broken marriages.
We can discuss women’s accountability.
We can discuss men’s mental health.
We can discuss childhood trauma, culture, patriarchy, money, masculinity and relationship breakdown.
But first, can we agree on one basic principle?
YOU DO NOT KILL.
Whatever happened in that relationship, if you cannot live with another person’s behaviour:
WALK AWAY.
LEAVE THEM ALIVE.
Human life is not a reward we give people for behaving well.
It is sacred.
And until we establish that boundary without a “but”, without a “because”, and without asking what the dead person did to provoke their own killing, we have not begun addressing the real problem.
STOP GIVING MURDER A “BECAUSE”.
— Love Lab
