19/12/2024
I understand you, Mom. I’m right there with you. I feel what you feel. I don’t feel like myself. I’ve disappeared in the mirror. I look at my reflection and see a stranger. I don’t know where I am.
Every day, I fight the demons of everyday life. The quiet ones, whispering in my head, “You’re not enough.” The loud ones, screaming at the sight of the laundry pile, the mess in the house, or the lack of energy to play with the kids. They’re always there, wherever I feel like I’m failing. I want to scream. To cry. To fall apart. But what would I say to my kids? How could I explain that mom is struggling? So I bury it deep inside. I let the tears fall silently in the shower, or into my pillow at night. And then, I put on the mask—the brave, smiling mom. Because I have to be strong. For them.
But inside, I feel drained. Like I’m not even here anymore. My body doesn’t look like it used to. Energy? Gone. My smile? I can’t remember it. Do I even exist anymore? Where is the version of me from years ago?
Today is one of those days when the demons win. I look at myself and see nothing but disappointment. Unattractive, exhausted, lost. Even when he tells me I’m beautiful, I can’t believe him. I just can’t.
But you know what? Today, I allow myself to feel. I allow myself to cry. I allow myself to be weak. I don’t have to be perfect. I don’t have to prove to anyone that I can handle it all. I’m tired, sad, frustrated—and that’s OK.
Because I know that deep inside, I’m still here. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but I’ll find my way back. Step by step. Even if I’m standing still right now. Even if it feels like I’ll never find myself again.
Mom, if you feel this too—know that you’re not alone. I understand you. I’m holding space for you. This isn’t your fault. You have the right to feel lost. You have the right to feel like it’s too much. And your kids? They love you just the way you are—even in the chaos, even with the demons in the background.
Today is hard. But you are enough, even when you don’t feel like it.
