Truth Justice Freedom (2025)

05/02/2024

Everyone deals with trauma differently…. And that’s ok!

Trauma is one of those taboo subjects along with mental health that people deliberately avoid talking about through shame, embarrassment and a whole multitude of other reasons.

The thing is trauma is a very real thing and it can be quite debilitating and affect the daily lives of people, and some people process and handle traumatic events very differently and it's something that stems from a whole multitude of things, such as, an accident or a death in the family. It is very wrong to make assumptions that something is not 'traumatic' to someone, no matter how big or small it is and it can be something you have witnessed and not something you have experienced. It is also completely wrong that it is limited to the two mentioned, or similar events of, as for one person losing a momentum down the drain with emotional meaning could be just as traumatic as watching a horrific road traffic accident. Like I said, everyone is different and what may be traumatic to one person may not be to another and we as a society need to start avoiding making assumptions or coming out with unhelpful comments, such as, "It's just a dolly you lost." Or, "They'll get over it."

My absolute pet hate of things said to people who have experienced a traumatic event is, "It gets better with time!" No it doesn't. In fact it doesn't get better with time, you just find ways to adapt to live with the backlash of the trauma. Some people remember everything word for word, to the time and date and some people automatically get vivid memories of it in an attempt to try forget or not think about the trauma. It is a myth that if you have experienced trauma you will remember every single detail, that can be true but it can also be very much the opposite.

I, personally am very in tune with my trauma. I know what triggers me, I know what I need to do to ground myself and I know how to handle it a lot better, but that doesn't mean I've always been able to do that.

In September 2021, after years of prolonged psychological and emotional harm (this is a form of trauma by the way) I got the rarest type of stammer. I just woke up one day and there it was. After what seemed a lifetime in hospital (3 days) they made sure it wasn't a stroke, even though I did attend an Urgent Treatment Centre and even volunteered to drive myself to the A&E, because my speech simply was so bad. That started the process of a formal diagnosis of a psychogenic stammer. I was told there was no cure, and because nobody really seemed to be helping my mental health went from bad to worse. I was a silenced victim and now I really was silenced.

They told me there was no cure for a psychogenic stammer, it would just creep up on me as and when it felt like it but may be worse when stressed or anxious. Learning Makaton was fun, but it wasn't ideal but the kids all took it like troopers that this was just how life was now. I eventually accepted that whilst most people carried their trauma on the inside, I just happened to wear mine on the outside.

Someone once said to me their case wasn't as bad as mine because they still had their speech, honestly, I was heartbroken at this. It doesn't matter whose case is what, every case is not ok and every case is traumatic whether it be prolonged incidents, multiple incidents or single incidents. My trauma just happened to affect my speech and nobody should ever compare their traumatic events or symptoms to that of another. I'll be paid compensation for my life changing criminal injury but no money will ever get back for me and my family what we once had before that happened.

It has been a really odd week and I've not had much time to reflect on things because I've been caught up in my paperwork commitments ready for my Stage 2 complaint, but the actual reality is, for someone who was told they had an incurable problem who adapted their lives to be able to manage with it, when I said 2024 was going to be my year and I wasn't stepping down, I don't think I realised that moment was a life changer for me.

Despite a Social Care Team Manager who all of a sudden has magically managed to gain a PhD in some form of Psychiatric Health or Speech and Language therapy and stated my stammer presents 'under pressure' whilst the Psychiatric, Speech and Language Therapist, GP and Stroke Consultant, all with real qualifications, were all left not knowing what the triggers were, to this day still, the qualified professionals have managed to ascertain the contributing factors and the triggering traumatic event but nothing more when it comes to when it presents itself. In fact, it's so rare, a university specialising in Speech and Language Therapy contacted me to take part in some research to try and understand it a little better.

For more information on a psychogenic stammer you can view it here:

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGekQeXvV/

Anyway, two days ago, I managed to do something I'd not managed to do in a very long time.... I asked for my own bag at the checkout in Aldi! Baby steps mind, but I did it stammer free too! I also managed to have a very small conversation with the check out person, also stammer free. In the last few weeks I've managed to speak to the media and do a protest, all stammer free! I mean I've had very short periods of it this year, which I knew anyway as I avoid situations where people may see it, of which I don't stammer at home, but to me it's a great thing. Most of all it reminded me, it must mean I must be getting some confidence back and since it all revolves around trauma and confidence building, I must truly believe that not stopping and not backing down in getting my is definitely the right thing.

So, for the last few weeks, I've been having some private online therapy for trauma. I'd love to be able to say it's from the abuse I endured solely, but it is not, it's actually for the way the 'system' has treat me and my family over the last year. There is nothing more traumatic when you're world is falling apart, for the people who are supposed to be there to help, to make you worse. The sad thing is, the therapy I've been having is to actually undo everything the Social Worker made me doubt myself for, the confidence in myself I lost as I was constantly belittled and dismissed, whilst I was dragged out making the pleas for help for my family but now I know I did absolutely nothing wrong.

We often talk about victims of crime and the impact on them, what we don't talk about is the impact on a vulnerable person and their family after a safeguarding professional has continuously treat you in this manner and quite frankly like s**t. In my eyes, and my experience, both the trauma of my abuse and the way I've been treated in the last year by the professionals who are supposed to make it stop, run hand in hand, parallel to one another in their impact, because what they did allowed a whole bunch of other things and events to happen and the impact was great. Sadly, there is no professional accountability, so rather than have some integrity, which is a bit like pleading guilty to a criminal charge, they make you relive every last little thing they did to you by fighting to have someone else make that decision. So an independent review is probably the equivalent to a trial in this circumstance I guess. And without accountability and integrity, there is no learning, and it means that these behaviours will just simply continue and that is something that simply cannot happen.

To ALL people who have encountered trauma in their lives, no matter how big or small, keep going. It took me 4 years to start to recover, hindered by unhelpful people, but I'm coming through and trust me I'm weak and a nobody, there's nothing special about me, but I can promise you, one day, whether it's a week away, or five years, you will find a way to come through the other side.

Much love

Nix

28/01/2024

Asking the MP for help because really the overall failings are not acceptable

After much deliberation, I decided that I would approach my local MP. This was a decision purely because although I don't want people to fall victim to the failings I underwent, actually, it is a fight for others to help with. What I have found is that it is certainly not ok what happened to us and was allowed to happen, and it simply cannot happen again, however, it's probably not a change I can do on my own as there seems to be a repetitive culture of down playing and hiding what they are doing. My biggest worry is that the problem will be much more serious if my Stage 2 is upheld, of which I have no doubt some elements will be.

I sent a letter to the MP for help because at the end of the day, I began this with a promise, that although too late for us, we cannot change the past, nobody else would ever go through the suffering we went through because it is simply not ok. Any success, of which we have now had many, is my only .

The letter outlines clear points with significant errors and fingers crossed the local MP helps because the individuals involved hold no professional integrity to be accountable for their parts they played in their failings, and without admission, honesty and accountability there is no realistic prospect that things will change:

It is with great sadness that I find myself writing to you again regarding the improvement of the public system to make it more effective for domestic abuse victims. Many thanks for your help in 2023 around the subject of Stalking Protection Orders, of which I did not get the opportunity to thank you at the time, however, since the response and for many years before and for the time after we last communicated, I have tirelessly continued to campaign for change.

Today, I write with regards to a subject involving Lincolnshire County Council which has caused great concern to me and others who have spoken with me regarding the topic since it was noted and has created a significant area of concern.

Recently, I have submitted a complaint to Lincolnshire County Council with regards to the effectiveness of the children’s services being able to adequately safeguard domestic abuse victims. The complaint was not entirely answered, in fact only 3 points were answered of a total of 9 numerically ordered separate complaint points and therefore it has gone to Stage 2 and is ongoing and so we will only address the upheld point at Stage 1.

Children’s Social Care have statutory requirements in order to meet their statutory duty of care. One of these is the timescales in which they hold meetings with the multidisciplinary panel and with the children. For example children under a ‘Child in Need’ are to be seen at home once in a 28 day period, the Child in Need meetings should be held once every 4-6 weeks.

It was upheld in my Stage 1 complaint that LCC had failed to see my children within their statutory time frames with some of my children waiting months to be seen, further allegations which are currently being investigated is that this lead to the children and I, as known domestic abuse victims under the Domestic Abuse Act (2021) has indeed allowed us all to experience emotional harm. This final point will be addressed in the Stage 2, but the reason for bringing up the statutory visits needed a basis and a context to why it is important that these statutory timescales are deal with. This means that LCC have agreed they have not fulfilled their statutory requirement and this admission was November 2023.

Following the protest to campaign for change at LCC on 24th January 2024, it was highlighted, that in February 2020, following an upheld Stage 2 complaint, LCC were indeed provided recommendations regarding statutory timescales for meetings. The recommendation stated, the department strengthen processes to ensure that statutory meetings take place in a timely manner and there be some form of a mechanism in place to alert management to any failures in this process.

It is very worrying that we have physical evidence that in February 2020 and November 2023 there is not only the exact complaint upheld, the fact it is relating to statutory requirements which are in place to SAFEGUARD CHILDREN which is not being followed, but the fact that almost 4 years later, the same error is being made. The cherry on this cake Sir Leigh, is even worse, as if this wasn’t bad, of which it is entirely, it turns out that it was actually the same team that committed the same errors almost 4 years apart. For clarity, that would be the same named social worker, the same named practice supervisor and the same named team manager all from West Lindsey FAST Team.

This is evidence that there is no learning culture within LCC to make systems robust and to learn from the errors and it worries me, that regardless of the sufferings my family has felt, things will not change for others that present themselves in a similar situation in the future and it makes me wonder whom may have also fallen victim to this in the interim period and also should something not be done about it, it could lead to some very serious consequences in the future.

I did ring the complaints department, and I did point out that actually with regards to the breaches in their statutory duty of care by failing to adhere to statutory visits, that actually it should have never happened due to the implementation that was recommended in the upheld Stage 2 complaint from February 2020 and so therefore was indeed an unnecessary significant failing.

This brought to question the following points:

1. Were the recommendation in February 2020 implemented?

2. If so, why were the performance figures of a significant issue not monitored?

3. If not, why not and why was it never checked upon?

4. Why are the SAME staff members being allowed to be able to breach the same statutory time limits?

5. Most importantly…. WHY has it taken a member of the public to identify that these failings are repetitive? Shouldn’t that the job of the council? To make sure recommendations are followed through and that implementations are made and monitor their effectiveness?

It is very worrying that things are put in place to improve the efficiency but with this being safeguarding of children, it becomes increasingly worrying. It also does not fill me with confidence that I had to ask the questions myself when in fact an implementation like this should have been identified by the council themselves a long time ago and it should not have taken a member of the public to piece this together.

Sadly, I regret to inform you, the other recommendations made at Stage 2 in the upheld February 2020 complaint perfectly mirror mine with extra points also being raised and all affecting domestic abuse victims. Therefore should my Stage 2 complaint have any elements upheld, it appears we have a much more serious compliance problem and no doubt you will hear from me again then.

There comes a worrying time when in the space of 18 months, one family alone have experienced in a safeguarding system two separate data breaches by two separate social workers, admission of negligence to perform statutory visits and a further admission of a huge error in the complaints procedure which I have been informed has led to LCC having to retrain their complaints staff and seek advice from the Ombudsman. If these things are happening to one family alone, it goes farther than coincidental that these errors are isolated, maybe I am just the one that has suffered enough and knows the safeguarding system enough to be passionate about nobody else falling victim to our failings.

With regards to the other potential errors that ay surface from my Stage 2, which were further recommendations, I am happy to discuss these with you.

I really do appreciate your help with regards to these matters as they are very significant and if not addressed, they could lead to serious consequences for somebody and would be very grateful to you if you would look into these matters.

Many thanks

26/01/2024

No reassurance of honesty or integrity by the Local Authority following repetitive failings being found

So it's been a day or so and I gave every opportunity for the news to be self reported by the Local Authority, however, they made the decision that they would publish on their own news site (you know the one that nobody really reads) and despite the news being quite negative and could lead to severe criticism for them my suggestion was for them to reassure the public by saying the implementations and actions were a result of improving the areas. Sadly, it doesn't look like the Local Authority are willing to again hold their hands up and I am also unable to get a straight answer as to whether those exact topics would be mentioned.

Following the protest, it was identified that recommendations were not put in place following an upheld Stage 2 in 2020 where the Local Authority failed to carry out statutory meetings within the set timeframes. It recommended that a robust system was put in place that if statutory meetings requirements were not put in place, management would be notified. Fast forwards to 2023 and it was upheld in my own complaint at Stage 1 that statutory visits were not being conducted within their allocated timeframe. The rest of the complaint is yet to progress to Stage 2, but the complaint recommendations from the Stage 2 not only mirror my current complaint areas, but also I have some additional ones with the further addition of an allegation that these failings allowed a family, including the children, to experience significant emotional harm in a domestic abuse context over a period of 10 whole months. More worryingly, the exact same staff were involved, Social Worker, Practice Supervisor and Team Manager which highlights even more that lessons have not been learnt over the time gap of 3 years and these failings are being allowed to continue within the Child Safeguarding Services of the West Lindsey FAST Team. The query is whether it is the team, or it is in fact just the specific staff that were involved in the mirrored complaints points. These are factors that will need to be looked at in the investigation but it is sad, that these things are still continuing and how many more people have been failed along the way by the same errors?

The council have stated due to the consistency in the team and the errors being still seen today, they will be monitoring the performance of the team's statutory requirements regarding visits and meetings and will be publishing the figures to either support or refute their compliance. Even if it shows significant breaches in timescales being met, there needs to be some improvements seen over the months. However, I would say, it took a lot for this to be uncovered and it has been a battle for not only us but also for the many, I would be keen for an audit to be done scaling the last 3 years to see who else has been missed or fallen victim to these failings. Another question that arises is also, if these figures continue to show no improvement, what steps will the Local Authority take to rectify this? As for the last 3 years, this has slipped through the net as it is.

I guess only time will tell, but because it has been a significant period of time and no improvements can be seen from date from the original recommendations to a period of almost 4 whole years later (complaint 1 was February 2020 and complaint 2 was October 2023) and I wonder how many other people daren't speak up due to the passive threats or fear of losing their children or even being sanctioned for speaking up, for my own peace of mind, I presented this question to the Local Government and Social Care Ombudsman as I have no confidence that the Local Authority will address any errors. Quite frankly, the meetings and visits are statutory as it enables cases to ensure that children's emotional and physical well-being is fine, so failure to carry out a statutory duty of care actually potentially renders putting children, and in domestic abuse cases the victims at risk, and that simply is not ok and cannot continue.

24/01/2024

When lessons aren't learnt the first time

It's been an overwhelming couple of days with news of so much positive change found through the efforts of the community to make our Local Authority more efficient.

We left the protest at about 12pm and thank you to everyone who supported us, honestly the response from the council has indeed been positive on the areas where they have admitted change, but my work did not stop there. Over the days, weeks, months and years I have met some amazing people in my campaign to ensure that nobody else experiences the failings and errors that we had. Since speaking up about the errors, I've had some incredible stories which have helped to become the foundations to make some changes and a list is being sent to the council for those that messaged and could not attend.

On my journey, I had a lady approach me for information and when I told her why I was campaigning for change and the trauma, struggles and devastation my family had faced she said words that I think I shall remember forever, "I'm sorry you went through all of that, you should have never gone through what I went through. I wish I had the strength to do what you are doing." It made me realise that these problems had gone on for that long, everybody had given up fighting for the right reasons with many giving up and being scared into silence. I can see why they would be scared though, I have had many comments, such as, "Won't you get into trouble for doing this?" The simple answer is, I shouldn't get into trouble for it as protesting is very legal, HOWEVER, believe me there will be some huge backlash for this and every effort will go into rationalising all the good that has come of it, sooooo, it's probably best to get as much out there as possible before that happens. The even simpler answer to most people though is exactly how I feel about the situation, "I've gone past caring what happens to me, it's too little too late.". That's the thing, there has never been a truer word said.

So back to this lady, she then handed me the recommendations she had obtained from her upheld Stage 2 Complaint and my jaw pretty much hit the floor and the recommendations for the Local Authority within that complaint mirror word for word (almost) where the problems I have found. One in particular related to the department strengthening processes to ensure that statutory meetings take place in a timely manner and there be some form of a mechanism in place to alert management to any failures in this process.

My Stage 1 complaint upheld that there had been negligence to carry out statutory visits and I had continuously notified the Social Worker and Practice Supervisor at the time to be ignored and had even challenged the Social Worker in meetings stating she was supposed to see the children every 28 days and she dismissed my concern despite me stating it was their statutory duty of care. I actually even went as far as emailing her to say a worry statement for my children should be that the Social Worker was not performing visits, and the worst thing was it wasn't an abusive suggestion but it was actually a very serious thought of mine.

Anyway, I had a lovely lady from complaints call me because I had a query I wanted an answer for. When I say lovely, there is no sarcasm or alternative meaning to the word she was actually just categorically the most helpful person I have ever spoken to from the council and actually it was lovely to have someone I could just ask this question or that question about a protest.

My question was quite simple really, how was a recommendation made in 2020 that mirrors the extent error that happened in my very recent case as this doesn't highlight positive change AND even more disturbing, it turned out IT WAS EXACTLY THE SAME TEAM! That's right, this lady who had shared her woes with me had not only the same Team Manager and Practice Supervisor as I had but also HAD THE SAME SOCIAL WORKER! That is just absolutely crazy and shows absolutely no sign of learning culture whatsoever. What actually were the odds of that happening? You would expect a different worker to make a mistake but you would never expect the SAME worker to make the SAME mistake twice. It's really sad in a way because between 2020 and 2023, how many others did it happen to? There is a potential that there could have been a lot more statutory time frames not being met and I do feel that it may be in the best interests to check there wasn't anybody missed because it is entirely a really sad situation that the same struggles are being seen over and over again.

Anyway for a change (more because I'm tired) I'm not going to mention the outcome just yet but we did discuss the next steps and what is going to happen now and in the future if my own Stage 2 complaint gets upheld as that mirrors a lot of the other recommendations. I guess I'll give them the opportunity to keep their word and make those disclosures to the public, but I must say that I was really impressed by the steps they were going to take and I guess that's why on this single occasion, I will give them the opportunity to announce and cascade this information. Obviously it comes with a tiny time limit as it's positive news for our communities that again the council have held up their hands and taken accountability and putting positive steps in place to stop it happening again and from what I have heard, I believe the public will be really happy with this outcome.

I guess there really is hope out there after all.

23/01/2024

The protest and a brighter future for us all

So it's almost protest day and now everything has slowed down and I have a moment to think straight, I'm actually quite emotional and probably shouldn't be writing blog posts..... but here goes.

When we started chatting protests between us all it was a very long time ago and personal circumstances (the caravan) and environmental factors which affected my mental health just made it not the right time. Although it has been a VERY LENGTHY wait, I'm glad it didn't happen till now as I don't honestly think the outcome would have been as positive as it has been, and there is so much more to come.

I actually thought, that when it was set up it would just be the two of us there, but the support has been absolutely overwhelming, and then the media started contacting me to ask for information. News pages, the radio and even the TV! Since we went public about the protest we have been absolutely inundated with messages from many, many people wanting to share their stories and provide suggestions and we ended up with a whole list of other departments where positive change could be made within the local council.

My personal experience saw in the space of 18 months, 2 data breaches (the first of my information being passed carelessly and the second where my ex's private mobile number was passed to me without request and without consent), negligence by the local authority to carry out statutory visits which actually made us suffer emotional harm over a period of a whole year, a social worker who I'll be honest wasn't great (but this will be listed in a separate blog post) and a complaints department which did not meet timescales or follow their own policies and procedures.

It has been a rather odd day, answering messages, and getting the last things together, but what was probably the most overwhelming was the telephone call this morning.

One department a lot of residents in the community had was the complaints department and how hard it is to get through to them. The only method available is by email or telephone and when you call it is an answering phone where you leave a message and they call back.

Anyway, the complaints department rang me and I am absolutely delighted with what I heard. Firstly, for the public, for the community, for the greater good of customer service and for efficiency, they have arranged to retrain their staff due to administrative errors found, for example, my stage 1 complaint that I escalated to a stage 2 complaint back on 10th November 2023 due to it not being actually answered was re-registered as a stage 1 complaint again. This is positive as it's always good to have a refresher. Furthermore, however, they have also approached the Ombudsman for input on policies and procedures to make the service more effective. The complaints department and LCC absolutely get a round of applause for this because that is exactly the type of the thing the public would like to hear. An acceptance that maybe things do need to change and policies are outdated and not working and what will be done to try and remedy this and hopefully people in the future will not have huge barriers when they need to make a complaint.

Personally though, there was another little bit of joy, the one thing I had been fighting to be done for a very long time..... The right thing! I'll explain. I have made a number of complaints over the last year due to the circumstances, and all my complaints remain very consistent in their versions of events, but it was agreed, that case files can only be reviewed by what is available to them, therefore, IF I hold any physical evidence that hasn't been uploaded onto the system then it's not on the case file to be reviewed. I am pleased to say, that due to this reason, there will be an independent review of our case dating back to November 2022!

Finally, I'm going to have what I set out to get years ago, the truth, justice and my freedom. I will finally have the opportunity, to cross reference people to the time and date of what meeting minutes show what issue/error/malpractice and if it's not on the system, I can assure you it is most definitely sat in my email inbox. For example, there is a possibility that the emails I previously blogged about from the domestic abuse caseworker are probably not even loaded up onto the system, and if they are, it's evidence of no communication. I'll find out though because the complaint I submitted alleges incomplete case note files. The fact that it is going all the way back to November 2022 is a complete bonus as it will be reviewing all the other complaints and gives me the opportunity to provide the evidence that those responses were down played and contained fictional information. I will finally be able to prove that my voice and right to advocate for my children were taken from me because I can cite the date and times and which minutes it is in, including the dreaded time that I was told rather than them trying to solve the issue at the source, I had to actually seek support for when things happened. Just knowing that that line is there in documents is amazing as no domestic abuse victim should be calling any mental health worker to ask for help so they can accept they are being emotionally abused.

The trauma I, and my family have been allowed to sustain because of some of these issues has been absolutely horrendous and quite significant. There will definitely be lessons learnt if this is done in the right way, because I know a lot of the things that were happening were simply not ok on many, many levels. Everyone heals from trauma differently and what the answers will provide me is an opportunity to finally get closure and recover from the trauma sustained. Most importantly though, if lessons are learnt, it means that nobody will ever have to go through the pain and suffering we have subject to in Lincolnshire again, the one thing I always asked for. Sometimes, to a trauma victim, an apology goes a very long way.

There are a few things though that will take a very. very long time to recover from. I have huge issues trusting the local authority now, one of the services I backed every step of the way and lost confidence in and it will be very difficult to change my mindset that they are there to help and not there to just victimise you. This may take a while, but I think with closure this will hopefully be something of the past one day. I can't promise this, but only time will tell. The relief I feel right now though that finally there is some form of end to all of this and this horrendous chapter in our lives can be forever closed, words are unable to describe.

Another really positive outcome which affects all of the public, if that the council have now a dedicated company ti deal with their independent investigations for things like a stage 2 complaint. This means that allocation of independent investigators will not take lengthy periods of times and will enable a quicker resolution for complainants.

No matter what happens tomorrow, no matter how many people turn up, we have had some positive news about positive change in Lincolnshire for the better and if anything this is an amazing achievement for all people who have supported us and the campaign. However, one department down, let's try make change in the others.

Truth Justice Freedom

05/02/2024

28/01/2024

26/01/2024

24/01/2024

23/01/2024

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