The SelShow, Poole (2026)

19/08/2026

Sel, I am a 34-year-old married woman with one child. I have been married to my husband for almost six years, and he is a very emotional and sensitive person. After all these years together, I know him well enough to understand how he reacts to certain situations.

For the past one year, however, my husband, who has always been loving and caring, has changed. He now comes home late from work, has become very protective of his phone, and no longer gives me money as regularly as he used to. I have spoken to him several times about these changes, but he keeps denying that anything is wrong. I have tried everything I could, but I have not been able to find out what is really happening.

Because I needed advice, I confided in our pastor's wife. She advised me not to assume that my husband was cheating and encouraged me, to be patient because he could be dealing with problems at work or within his family. I took her advice and decided to relax and observe things instead of constantly confronting him.

A few weeks later, our pastor called to check on me. He told me that his wife, had shared our conversation with him and that, he was calling to encourage me. At first, his calls were normal and supportive, but with time, they changed. He began expressing romantic feelings towards me, giving me words of affection and even asking me to leave my husband because, according to him, my husband was obviously cheating on me and no longer wanted me.

This has put me in a very difficult situation. My husband was born into this church and has served in several positions over the years. He was recently made a church elder, so leaving the church suddenly could raise questions and create unnecessary problems. I eventually, blocked the pastor's number, and I have continued communicating with his wife, who still gives me genuine advice and support.

I do not want to cause problems in the pastor's marriage, and I certainly do not want my husband, who is very sensitive, to react in a way that could make the situation worse. That is why I simply want to convince him that we should leave the church peacefully, without telling him everything that has happened.

Sel, please, am I doing the right thing by trying to get my husband to leave the church with me, without revealing the real reason? Or is there a better and more appropriate way to handle this situation?

I would love to hear from you, with more and better alternatives, to deal with this issue. Please share your honest advice with me.

Worried wife

18/08/2026

Sel, I am a 29-year-old lady, and I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost four years. He is the man I have always wanted because he is loving, hardworking, respectful, and has supported me through some of the most difficult moments of my life. We have talked seriously about marriage, and both families are aware of our relationship. From the outside, everything looks perfect, and even I used to believe that I had finally found the man I would spend the rest of my life with.

However, about six months ago, I discovered something that completely changed the way I see him. I found out that he had been secretly sending money every month to another woman. When I confronted him, he admitted that the woman was his former girlfriend and that she had a child whom he believed could be his. He said he had never been intimate with her since we started dating, but he felt responsible for the child and wanted to support the woman until he could establish the child's paternity. I was angry, but I eventually accepted his explanation because he was willing to show me the messages and transactions.

The problem is that things have become even more complicated. Last month, the woman contacted me directly and told me that my boyfriend knows more about the child than he has admitted. She claimed that he had been visiting her secretly and that he had promised to take responsibility for the child. When I confronted my boyfriend again, he became defensive and said she was only trying to destroy our relationship because she knew we were planning to get married. He swore that he had never cheated on me, but he refused to let me speak to the woman or see some of their recent conversations. Since then, I have been living with doubts and fear.

Our wedding discussions are already getting serious, and my family believes I am preparing to marry a good man. But deep inside, I am no longer at peace. I love him, but I am afraid that I may be ignoring serious warning signs simply because I don't want to lose him. Sometimes I tell myself that everyone has a past and that perhaps I should trust him. Other times, I wonder whether marrying him will make me spend the rest of my life discovering secrets one after another. I have not told my parents everything because I don't want them to judge him based on an accusation that may not even be true.

Sel, I am now seriously confused. Should I postpone the marriage until everything becomes clear, even if it causes embarrassment between both families? Should I demand that he prove everything he has told me before I continue with the relationship? Or am I simply allowing fear and another woman's accusations to destroy a relationship that has otherwise been beautiful for four years?

Ladies and gentlemen, if you were in my position, what would you do? Would you marry a man you love when there are serious unanswered questions about his past and his honesty? I desperately need honest advice before I make a decision that could affect the rest of my life.

Worried sister

18/08/2026

Sel, I am a guy facing a difficult situation that has left me seriously, questioning the future of my relationship. I am in love with a lady, and we both had a child from our previous relationships. We have been making plans to get married, and everything seemed to be moving in the right direction, until I began noticing something that deeply worries me.

My partner's son is often very hard on my 7-year-old daughter. They spend a lot of time together in my house, but instead of becoming close, my daughter seems increasingly afraid of him. She cries frequently and sometimes hides from him. What hurts me most is that she is only seven, and I can see that this situation is beginning to affect her emotionally.

Whenever I raise my concerns with my partner, she tells me that my daughter is "too soft" and needs to become tougher. On one occasion, both children were fighting over a doll while I was away, from home, so my partner took the doll away from both of them. I understood her intention at the time, but lately, I have started noticing other things that make me uncomfortable. Whenever she is cooking, she often calls my daughter into the kitchen to wash plates, help with chores and learn how to cook. I have nothing against teaching a child responsibility, but I keep asking myself whether she would be treated the same way if she were her biological daughter.

I honestly thought that when I found a woman I loved and decided to build a family with her, she would naturally want to create a peaceful and loving environment for all the children. I don't expect her to spoil my daughter or take sides whenever the children disagree. I simply want her to treat her fairly, protect her when necessary and make her feel safe in the home she lives in.

Sel, the wedding is getting closer, but my heart is becoming more unsettled. I love this woman, and we already planning our mareiage together, but my daughter's welfare comes first. I have tried discussing the issue with my partner several times, yet nothing seems to change. I don't want to wait until after marriage before the situation becomes worse.

Am I overreacting, or is this a serious warning sign that should make me reconsider the marriage? How do I go about this whole issue?

Anonymous Guy

17/08/2026

Sel, I am a 26-year-old lady and currently single. I do work as a stockbroker for some years now, and it is a job I genuinely love. I have been in and out of a few relationships, but I have deliberately taken my time because I want to find the right person at the right time. I have a good job, I am financially comfortable, and generally, I have a lot to be grateful for. However, there is one strange challenge I have been dealing with for some time now, and I honestly do not know how to handle it.

Anytime I am extremely happy or receive good news, I develop a strong urge to get intimate with someone before I can feel completely satisfied. I know this may sound strange, but it has become a pattern in my life. Whenever something exciting happens, the feeling comes strongly, and until I act on it, I find it difficult to feel completely comfortable or settled.

For example, when I received my promotion, I was so excited that I ended up calling a male friend to help me satisfy the urge. When our salaries were significantly increased, the same feeling came again, and this time, a colleague became involved. Even on my birthday, which should have simply been a day of celebration and gratitude, I found myself feeling that same strong urge, and I eventually gave in.

The list is becoming endless, and what worries me most is that it seems as though I have connected happiness and intimacy in my mind. It is almost like every major achievement, good news, celebration, or exciting moment comes with this uncontrollable urge. I do not want to keep living this way, especially because I sometimes make decisions in the moment that I later question.

Sel, please, I need genuine advice. What could be happening to me, and how can I learn to control this urge without allowing it, to dictate what I do whenever something good happens in my life?

Anonymous Lady

17/08/2026

Sel, I have known this lady and her husband for several years, and although I never told anyone about it, I have secretly admired the lady for quite some time. They were happily married and blessed with two children, but unfortunately, about a year ago, her husband passed away, leaving behind his wife and children.

After the burial and the period of mourning had passed, the lady and I gradually started communicating more frequently, and our conversations eventually became much closer than they used to be. Exactly four months after her husband's burial, we became intimate, and since then, we have been together intimately more than five times. I know some people may judge me for getting involved with a woman who recently lost her husband, but at the time, I felt that we were both adults and that whatever was happening between us, was a personal decision.

The problem is that since our relationship became intimate, I have started experiencing some strange and disturbing dreams that I cannot easily explain. I regularly dream about her late husband, and in most of these dreams, he appears unhappy with me because of my relationship with his wife. Sometimes, he threatens me and warns me to stay away from her, while on other occasions, he simply looks at me in a way that leaves me frightened when I wake up. The dreams have become so frequent that I am beginning to wonder whether, there is something behind them.

What confuses me the most is that the man is dead, so I cannot understand why I keep seeing him in my dreams or why the dreams seem to be connected to the relationship, I now have with his widow. I have started asking myself whether this could simply be my conscience, guilt, fear, or perhaps the pressure of knowing that I became involved with her only four months after her husband's burial. I am not claiming that the dead can communicate with the living, but these dreams are becoming too frequent for me to ignore.

Sel, I genuinely need advice from people who have experienced something similar or have a reasonable explanation, for what might be happening to me. Could these dreams be coming from my conscience and emotions, or do you think there could be another explanation? How should I handle my relationship with this woman now that, these dreams have started disturbing my peace?

Anonymous Guy

17/08/2026

Sel, when shame and disgrace decided to visit me, the consequences were massive. I came to understand that poverty is not just a lack of money; it can affect a person's confidence, dreams, relationships, and entire life.

After completing school, my colleagues and I had high hopes. We believed that after our national service, we would secure good jobs and finally begin the lives we had dreamed about. Some started receiving their confirmation letters, while others, including me, continued to wait and trust God.

One day, while I was at work, my boss asked me to see him in his office. When I got there, he simply told me, "Your national service is over, so you can stop coming to work." My heart sank. I managed to thank him and went home after work, pretending to be strong.

For the next four years, I applied for countless jobs and attended several interviews, but nothing worked out. I watched my mates move forward while I remained stuck. There were days I questioned myself and wondered whether my life would ever change.

Then, something unexpected happened.

I met a lady who genuinely loved and believed in me. She encouraged me constantly and stood by me during my darkest moments. One day, while I was at home thinking about my life, she walked in and handed me an envelope.

When I opened it, I was shocked. There was a huge amount of money inside.

She looked at me and told me that she had sold the piece of land her late father had left for her. She had decided to invest the money in me because she believed I could build something meaningful with it.

That moment changed my life.

I started a small private business with the money. By God's grace, the business began to grow. The little capital she gave me eventually turned into a sizeable company that now employs about 11 people.

Today, that same woman is not only the woman who believed in my dream—she is my wife, and we have a beautiful child together.

Sometimes, the person who helps you rise may be the person nobody expects. Sometimes, your breakthrough may come through someone who simply believes in you when you have stopped believing in yourself.

So, if you are currently struggling, unemployed, broke, rejected, or wondering why your life is not moving forward, please don't give up.

Your current situation is not the final chapter of your story.

Keep praying. Keep trying. Keep learning. Keep applying. Keep building. Keep believing.

Sel,One day, the door you have been knocking on for years may finally open. And when it does, you will understand why you had to survive those difficult seasons.

Your destiny helper may already be on the way.

Don't give up. Your story can still change.

What is one difficult season you survived that you once thought would destroy you?

Anonymous Guy

16/08/2026

🌙 Weekend QUESTION

Another weekend is almost over. Tomorrow, many of us will wake up and return to work, school, business, or the daily hustle.

But before the new week begins, let’s be honest with ourselves:

What is that ONE thing, you are hoping will happen for you this coming week?

A new job?
Just any Good news?
Financial breakthrough?
Peace in your relationship?
Healing?
A fresh opportunity?
Or simply a peaceful and stress-free week?

Tell us in the comments. Let’s speak positively into each other’s lives. ❤️👇

May this new week bring you something you have been praying for. 🙏✨

Happy Sunday evening, everyone!

16/08/2026

Sel, I have been blessed with a lovely wife for the past 15 years, and together we have two beautiful children. For many years, our home was filled with love, happiness and beautiful memories. Everything seemed fine until about three years ago, when my wife became seriously ill. She spent a lot of time in and out of the hospital, but despite all the medical attention and prayers, her condition continued to deteriorate. I eventually, placed everything in God's hands, believing that he alone had the final say.

Sadly, a few weeks ago, my beloved wife passed away peacefully in my hands. May her beautiful soul rest in perfect peace. At the moment she was leaving this world, the doctors excused themselves and gave me some privacy, to spend her final moments with her. I held her close, thinking about the years we had shared, the children we had raised and the life we had built together. But what she told me in those final moments has left me completely broken and unable to sleep.

She gently held my hands, looked deeply into my eyes and, with a very faint voice, said,

"My dear, I loved you, but I have wronged you also. The two children belong to..."

She then mentioned the name of another man, whom I know very well. The shocking part is that this man, is also married. A few minutes later, my wife peacefully breathed her last, in my arms. Since then, I have been carrying a secret that I don't even know how to handle.

We have already started making preparations for her funeral, and people have been coming to sympathise with my family. Among those who have come to visit, is the very man my wife mentioned. I have not said a word to him or anyone else. I don't even know whether he knows what my wife, told me before she died. I am deeply confused, angry, heartbroken and emotionally exhausted. Part of me wants answers, but another part of me feels that this may not be the right time, to open such a painful wound.

My greatest concern right now is the wellbeing and sanity, of the two children. Whether they are biologically mine or not, I have loved them, raised them and called them my children for years. I don't want my grief, anger or confusion to destroy their lives. But at the same time, I am tormented by the uncertainty surrounding their identity and by the possibility, that everything I believed about my family may not have been true.

What should I do? Should I quietly carry this secret and continue raising the children as mine, or should I seek the truth through DNA testing before the funeral? Should I confront the man my wife mentioned, especially when the funeral is approaching, or should I wait until everything is over?

Sel, I am not looking for revenge. I am grieving a woman I loved for 15 years, while simultaneously trying to process a revelation that has shaken everything I thought I knew about my marriage. Please, if you have experienced something similar or have genuine wisdom to offer, tell me how you would handle this delicate situation. What would be the most responsible thing to do for the children, for the family and for my own peace of mind?

Anonymous Husband

16/08/2026

Sel, I am a 30-year-old woman, and for the first time in my life, I thought I had finally found a man I could trust completely. When I met my boyfriend, I was very careful because I had been hurt before. He was patient, respectful and always encouraged me to be honest with him. After dating for almost two years, I became convinced that he was the man I wanted to marry.

One evening, he asked me to tell him everything about my past because he wanted us to enter marriage without secrets. I was afraid, but I trusted him. I told him about a relationship I had before meeting him and the mistakes I made when I was younger. I even told him things I had never told anyone because I believed he genuinely loved me.

For several months after that conversation, everything remained normal. Then, one day, we had a serious disagreement about something completely unrelated. To my shock, he brought up the things I had told him about my past. He called me names and reminded me of every mistake I had confessed to him.

I apologised for whatever had caused the disagreement, but I thought it was just anger speaking. Unfortunately, it did not stop there. Anytime we argued, he used my past against me. Sometimes he would say, “If people knew the kind of person you used to be, nobody would respect you.” Those words broke me because I had told him those things precisely because I trusted him.

The situation became worse when he started telling some of his friends about my past. Eventually, some members of his family also heard about it. His mother began treating me differently, and I could feel that the respect she once had for me was disappearing. When I confronted my boyfriend, he said I should not be ashamed of my past because it was the truth.

But I asked him why he was using something I had shared privately to embarrass me. He simply replied, “If you didn't want anyone to know, you shouldn't have told me.” That statement completely shattered my heart.

We had already started making plans for marriage. Our families had met, and we had even discussed where we would live after the wedding. But suddenly, the man who once promised to protect my heart, became the very person I feared the most. I began wondering whether I had made the biggest mistake of my life by being completely honest with him. I cannot change what happened years ago, but I have changed since then. I thought marriage was supposed to be about accepting each other's past and building a better future together.

Sel, now he says he still loves me and wants us to get married, but I am afraid. How can I marry a man who turns my deepest secrets into weapons whenever he is angry? I have apologised for my past, learned from my mistakes and moved forward, but he keeps taking me back there. I don't know whether to end the relationship or give him another chance. If the person you trusted with your deepest secrets later used them to destroy your peace, would you still marry him?

Anonymous Lady

15/08/2026

Sel, please keep me anonymous. God bless you for the good work you are doing.

I am a 34-year-old pastor, and there is a lady I have been dating for the past three years. We are both planning to get married next year. From the beginning of our relationship, we agreed that there would be no s*x until marriage. I have sincerely kept myself because of my covenant with God and my commitment to consecration.

Earlier this year, we attended a church programme together. At a point, she left the programme and was away for more than four hours without telling me where she was going. I later discovered that she had gone to the area where she completed SHS. From that day, I began noticing changes in her attitude towards me. There were insults, disrespect and other things that I did not expect from her. However, I forgave her because I genuinely loved her and believed we could work things out.

Recently, she went on vacation with other student nurses. She is currently in her final year. She later told me that they had been called back to school at night for a meeting. Before that, I noticed that she was chatting with someone, and when I asked her to give me the phone, it became an issue. I became uncomfortable because of the way she reacted.

Fast-forward to another day. I drove her to the school junction and dropped her off. Because I was concerned, I contacted some of my former students who are currently in the same school and asked if there was really a meeting. They told me that all the students were on vacation and that there was no meeting scheduled. I even called her mother, and that night was extremely difficult for me.

When I confronted her and asked whether the supposed meeting had actually taken place, she started insulting and disrespecting me. What shocked me the most was when she held my shirt and pulled it down during the argument.

I was completely stunned. This is the same lady I have supported and helped from the beginning of her journey. She is 27, and I am 34. Although she later apologized, something still does not feel right in my spirit.

Sel, I keep asking myself, is this really the woman I am planning to make my wife? If this is how she behaves before marriage, what should I expect after marriage? And as a pastor, can I confidently stand before the congregation and call her my wife when I already have these concerns?

Honestly, I am confused.

Incoming pastor's wife? Hmmm...

What would you do if you were in my shoes? Should I continue with the marriage plans, take a step back and investigate further, or reconsider the entire relationship?

I will be reading your advice in the comments.

Anonymous Guy

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