30/10/2025
WangoTrivia! Life's Lessons - Keeping your relationship working series.
Citizen Atare writes:
Topic: How men can positively assert their influence and ownership in their marriages to foster healthy relationships and mutual growth.
Once again, I'm thrilled to share some valuable insights, gained from my personal journey and from informal counseling discussions my wife and I have had with young couples over the years. With 32 years of marriage experience, I'm confident that relationships can be transformed, and with the right guidance and support, you can reignite the spark, strengthen your bond, and unlock a brighter future together.
I have frequently heard women who, upon learning of a man's mistreatment of his partner, inquire as to why men often appear to lose interest and ownership in their partners merely a few years after marriage. Indeed, some men in question boldly pursue second wives, while others secretly establish relationships with comfort partners or "side chicks", thereby causing misery for their legal partners back home.
But it's equally important to recognize that relationships thrive on mutual fulfillment, respect, and understanding. So what can we learn as positive examples to foster healthier and more fulfilling partnerships?
From my personal experience of being married for 32 years, I firmly believe that men and women can thrive together by embracing their unique strengths and needs. When men take ownership of their role in the relationship, they can foster a deep sense of satisfaction and happiness, even in the face of challenges. By stepping up to lead with love, care, and commitment, men can create a powerful foundation for a fulfilling and lasting partnership.
1 Corinthians 11:3 states, "But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God". This verse establishes a chain of headship, ownership or authority, with Christ over man, man over woman, and God over Christ. So it clearly defines the headship which men have over women in a marriage relationship. Bottom line: men are wired differently, in thinking and in their actions. Therefore, they should gladly accept this role given to men by God, and adapt to it.
Another intriguing aspect to note is that women sometimes perceive that men have lost interest due to a decrease in effort, often resulting from excessive comfort in the relationship. This is particularly the case with women who provide exceptional care for their partners, and as a result these men become unaware of the significant disparities between their needs and those of their partners. Hence an erroneous impression is created, making it look as if men don’t care much for their women as required in the relationship.
Ephesians 5:28 (NIV) tells as that God commands men to love their wives as their own bodies, noting in Ephesians 5:28 that a man who shows love for his wife also clearly loves himself. This is a powerful Bible verse about love and marriage which couples must take important note of.
I recall a colleague who's partner struggled to understand this concept for a long time, and she would often express her concerns to me, seeking my advice on how to address the issue. Although I offered much guidance, she would come back later to say that her partner failed to grasp the concept and this persisted for a considerable period of time. I was unsure whether this was due to her approach or other factors. Nevertheless, she still confided in me, always seeking my assistance in resolving their issues whenever a dispute erupted in their relationship.
Upon reflection, I realized that their primary issue was rooted in ineffective communication. Through further open chats and discussions, I helped her feel heard and validated, recognizing that her concerns were not just nagging, as her partner believed, but rather a call to collective action.
I encouraged her to pray fervently and persist, trusting that God would intervene, fostering a deeper understanding between them. Today I'm confident that they've overcome their challenges, thriving in their relationship, as evidenced by her no longer seeking my counsel on these issues. To God be the glory!
Many men are socialized from a young age to suppress their emotions, as traditional African culture dictates that expressing emotions as a man is a sign of weakness. This can have detrimental consequences for their future relationships. Furthermore, I believe that women also often fail to recognize the depth of their partner's love due to some men's inability to express their emotions. It is unfortunate that many men are unaware of this issue and its simplicity, leaving it unaddressed and allowing it to adversely affect their relationships, like it did to my colleague.
I vividly recall being an 8-year-old boy growing up, when my father would express displeasure with my mother whenever he saw me assisting with cooking or washing dishes in the kitchen. He consistently emphasized that, in our cultural tradition from the Upper East Region, boys and men were not expected to engage in kitchen activities, as these were reserved exclusively for girls and women.
Indeed, it was considered taboo for males to participate in domestic chores alongside their mothers. Consequently, whenever my father emerged from the bedroom, I would promptly cease washing dishes and exit the kitchen sharp!
However, one day, my mother fell ill and was bedridden for an entire day. This necessitated me taking on the responsibility of cooking and serving our meal for that day. Under my mother's step-by-step guidance, I successfully boiled rice, heated stew, and served dinner, much to my father's surprise. From that day forward, he never again discouraged me from participating in kitchen chores.
This experience highlights how certain patriarchal African cultural practices can have a detrimental impact on our relationships.
Through my personal experience, I have learned that women require frequent reassurance and validation of their partner's feelings. As men, we must make a conscious effort to express our emotions, acknowledging that we are also human beings with feelings. I have made it a habit to occasionally compliment my wife on her beauty, although I acknowledge that I should do so daily. Indeed every man should do so on daily basis just to show his love and care for her!
To nurture a deeper connection in your marriage, make a conscious effort to acknowledge and appreciate your partner's beauty every day. A thoughtful approach is to ask her if you've expressed your admiration for her beauty that day. If she says no, apologize and seize the moment to express your genuine appreciation for her radiance and care. This simple gesture has the power to illuminate her day and foster a sense of joy and connection. Believe me, it really works like magic!
Women deserve to feel valued and cherished, so I personally make it a priority to show my appreciation and care for my wife's well-being. Every partner deserves to feel happy, empowered and supported in their relationship. No woman should be made to feel useless and miserable at home, because after all, they are our rock and companion in life.
The Bible teaches us that a man should not cause a woman to cry, emphasizing respect, protection, and love, and God is presented as attentive to a woman's tears. The scripture in Exodus 22:23 states that if a man mistreats someone and they cry out to God, He will hear their cry, suggesting a man should not bring about such distress to his partner.
The imagery of woman being created from man's rib, intended for companionship and equality, further supports the idea that she should be protected and loved, not hurt. It means a man should put the needs of his partner first, before his own. We must love our partners, support them, cherish them, and guide them in matters of faith. We must be there for them always.
Colossians 3:19 (AMP) admonishes husbands to love their wives (with an affectionate, sympathetic, selfless love that always seeks the best for them) and that we should not be embittered or resentful toward them (because of the responsibilities of marriage).
Therefore, tell your partner everyday that you love and cherish the relationship you share by showing your emotions. It doesn't mean you are weak, but it shows her you are a man ready to love and protect her always.
As men, it is essential that we prioritize understanding and addressing our partner's needs, recognizing that women's needs differ from ours. By doing so, we can foster stronger, more fulfilling relationships.
Ephesians 4:32 says, "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you".
Practical Implications
1. Protection and care: A man is called to be a protector of a woman, not an aggressor.
2. Love and respect: Treating a woman with love and respect is an expression of true manhood according to the Bible.
3. Consequences for mistreatment: Causing a woman to cry through mistreatment is presented as bringing someone to God in distress, and God will hear that cry.
In summary, the Bible emphasizes that husbands should love, honor, and care for their wives selflessly, treating them with kindness, respect, and understanding.
Thanks for reading and have a blessed Sunday preceeding a fantastic week!
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