15/03/2021
SORRY, NOT FU***NG SORRYâŠ.
Have you ever been at a critical decision point in your life and you KNOW, like you really know in your heart and soul what you need to do, want to do, have to do âŠ. because it is YOUR true knowing. BUT, there is a nagging voice in your head - maybe its your spouse, your mother, your father, your sister or your best friendâs voice and they are shaking their head, that voice is telling you all of the reasons that by making this choice, you are a failure, making a big mistake, not living up to their expectations somehow???? Maybe you need to leave that job, leave a relationship, get in a relationship, buy that house, move far away, take that vacation (ok, well that s**t isnât likely happenning until 20 mother fu***ng 22). Whatever it is, there is a fork in the road and you are standing at the fork knowing in your gut what path you need to take, but doubting yourself because you think or maybe you even know, that this is going to make someone else feel uncomfortable, disappointed, upset...
I was faced with a major fork in the road last year. Now, in case you missed it in a previous post - I am a recovering people pleaser. I do not like to make other people uncomfortable or unhappy because of my actions/beliefs/words. I would rather soak up that discomfort and stay quiet or make a choice that didnât hurt anyoneâs feelings. Now this sounds all very chivalrous, kind and big hearted of me, but it's not that at allâŠ...I FEARED rejection. So it was never really about everyone else, it was about saving my own sorry ass feelings of rejection and fear of being alone. As Oprah would say in her Oprah-singing-like wayâŠâ AH-HAAAAAAâ. Yes, huge ah-ha moment!
My journey of self improvement/discovery/awakening/empowerment had been trotting along so freaking nicely until this moment. Now, I know, we are never guaranteed the outcome of our choices. It always feels âsaferâ to stay the course, stay where we are comfortable, remain status quo, where we know the road. And that my friends is where lots of us stay - on the road we know. Itâs well lit, lots of well marked signs, no unforeseeable dangers ahead. But my heart and soul was pulling me to that other path. The path where I was going to potentially lose a dear friend (ug - rejection and loneliness), a path where the twists and turns and destination was unknown, there was no roadmap, there was no guarantee of what was down that road, but it excited me and it stirred my soul at the thought of exploring that road. I felt truly drawn to this path and felt that I would regret not exploring it, even with all of the possibilities that my worst fears could come true.
So I took the path of the unknown and I made people uncomfortable in doing thatâŠâŠ
and I had to face rejection for my choices (but I didnât freaking DIE!).......
There was a lesson in here for me, one that I needed. The universe (God, your angels, the Divine...whatever you believe in or name it) always brings us exactly what we need.
I felt like the universe was testing meâŠ..To see if I was willing to follow my knowing and ready to be international, regardless of all of my limiting beliefs and fears. Like did I think the path to manifesting this big, beautiful life that I desired was just going to be all lollipops and fu***ng rainbows?? Hell no, there are some storms to weather, there are fears, sometimes deeply ingrained beliefs that need go and sometimes people you love that have to be let go of and lovingly released if they canât live with your decisionâŠ..and you donât need to be SORRY about it!
When you make choices that are intentional, made in alignment and made out of love and not fear, you can be sure that the universe will reward you.
And I could hear the voice of my coach and mentor saying âthis journey is not for the faint of heartâ. She is rightâŠâŠ.All of the things that no longer serve you - the feelings, the people, the situations, will be part of the storm, the fire that you have to go through to come out the other side, more abundant, more joyful, more sure in your bad ass, beautiful, amazing fu***ng self than ever before!!
Live life with love.
Live your life intentionally.
Live your life for you and not for any freaking body else!!
YOLO!!