19/03/2025
I met my older self for coffee and she was tired, but not like I'm tired today.
She said she doesn't like the empty, quiet house and wishes for the days of telling the boys to be quiet, while their baby sister naps.
I was thrilled to get out of the house for some company and so was she.
I debated what to order while the baby snoozed in the sling, while she felt bizarrely empty handed.
She still wakes thinking she heard a phantom cough and would love to get up to check on a sleeping child, but they're all adults now.
The kitchen is spotless and free from little fingerprints - there is no mysterious sticky substance on the floor from little hands spilling jelly on the way to the fridge to let it set.
The windows and mirrors aren't covered in handprints, from little fingers pressed up to them, exploring the world.
The bath hasn't been used for years - once a playground for underwater adventures, with water sloshed all over the floor.
She told me my days might seem long with a little baby, and boisterous 4 and 6 year old boys, but that I'll miss that chaos, and one day, I'll yearn for the noise, even though right now, sometimes I can't think because of the constant chatter.
One day, I'll be alone eating lunch in the dining room that seems too big and I'll think back to days of eating with one hand, while cutting up fruit for the boys and holding the baby.
She said she knows it's hard, that I'm tired and sometimes it feels like adult conversations are a lifetime away.
She said this final maternity leave will finish, life will go on, little hands will grow, cuddles will become less frequent, there won't be a baby nuzzled in for a feed reaching out for your hand with hers, and life will become so much quieter and a little bit more lonely.
She said to let the dishes pile up, let the hoover gather dust and just enjoy it all - play the games, get lost in imaginings, embrace the snuggly contact naps, read the stories, make the jigsaws and don't let these years slip away in chores and housework.
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