Year Thirty One

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Year Thirty One

Sharing the lessons I learn through loss, and life lived in the most transformative year of my life.

10/01/2026

One day, she will ask me where her name comes from, and I will tell her about you. 🧡

27/10/2025

Nothing really prepares you for the day when, instead of going to the thing with the person you always go to the things with, you go to thing without them, wearing their clothes.

My Dad was an enormous Tampa Bay Lightning fan. So was my sister, and they shared a deep bond over hockey. My dad and I were more so connected over Gator football, but just the same - I’d never been to a hockey game without my dad. Until tonight.

We were invited by some dear friends of ours to join them for tonight’s game vs Las Vegas. It was actually very, very hard - much more difficult than I expected. I subconsciously looked for my dad everywhere, glancing at his section, 201, where his season tickets once were, every few minutes. When Tampa Bay scored their first goal, I looked around to give my dad his signature fist bump. My husband and I glanced at each other from across the box - it was hard for both of us.

The Bolts eventually took home the victory during the first five minutes of overtime. I can’t help but think Dad made the game a little bit exciting for us. He would’ve loved, loved seeing all his favorite kids all grown up and having a great time together at his favorite place.

I hope one day this all gets easier. And, at the same time, I also hope it doesn’t. ⚡️ 💙🤍🖤

Second picture is my husband, Ben, who was my fiancé at the time, with dad and Victor Hedman, circa 2015.

12/10/2025

Because, there are some things I just can’t let go. 🎃 🍂

Also, hi. 😅

27/07/2025

Several years ago, my parents planned a trip to Italy.

My parents were famously opposite in many, many ways, but they had a shared love of travel. My parents’ families never really went anywhere growing up, so when my mom and dad were old enough and had their own money, they wanted to spend it going places.

My mom and dad traveled literally all over the world together. But one place they had never been to was Italy.

So, they started talking about a trip with some of their closest friends, and my dad’s work buddy who was from Cicilli. They had a couple of group meetings about it and started planning out dates. They were excited.

But then, COVID happened. And then, cancer happened. So, Italy never happened.

This past week, I got to go on trip to Italy with some of my closest friends, some of whom I work with and happen to have been there before. They showed us around their favorite sites and shops. We dined and danced and ate too much Gelato.

As I took everything in around me, I imagined my dad seeing it all through my eyes. That he as right there beside me - living the trip that he didn’t get to have through me. Or, perhaps, the place where he is is even more beautiful than a boat ride in Lake Como through the foothills of the Swiss Alps.

I guess I’ll find out whenever I get there. 🇮🇹 ♥️

03/12/2024

“I don’t know how this will end, but look for where the light pours in.” ✨
Helloooooo Grief Fam! 🙋🏼‍♀️ I know, I know. It’s been a hot minute since I’ve shown my face on this account 🙇🏼‍♀️ and all I have to show for it is this sad, “2010s” Instagram era Christmas tree photo. I wish I could tell you I had some fabulous excuse as to why I’ve been MIA, but the truth is, the last 6 months have just been absolutely wild. And I promise you I’ll tell y’all the whole story.
If you don’t know me “IRL,” my daughter was born October 5. We named her Sutton after my dad, Brent Sutton, who is the inspiration for this blog. She is everything we prayed for and we so grateful that she’s here.
Some folks have asked me if I’m done with this blog, and the short answer is no. I have so much more to say, especially now as a postpartum mom again, sitting so close to “The Veil,” with my dad hanging out just on the other side of it. I just needed some time to navigate all the major life changes that were happening at once.
I promise I’ll tell y’all everything. I always do. See y’all soon. ✨

08/08/2024

Madison starts at a new school tomorrow. 📚✏️🏫

Growing up, I was an anxious kid. In elementary school, I cried pretty much once a week, at least. I’m sure I drove my teachers crazy. 🤪 Every day, my mom would write a little note and stick it in my lunchbox. She cut my sandwiches into shapes with cookie cutters, and made faces with M&M’s. No matter how stressful the day was for me, I always looked forward to what was in my lunch box, and that little hit of love from my mama was enough to get me through the rest of the day.

That little act of kindness from my mom has stuck with me all these years. So much so that I’ve looked forward to doing this for my kids. Now it’s Madison’s turn to get her first love lunch note. 💕 (She can’t even read, but hopefully someone will read it to her. 😂😍)

Losing a parent when you have young children makes you painfully, acutely aware of your own mortality. One day (lord willing and many years from now) I will leave this world and Madison will still be here. What will she remember about me? What stories will she tell? What traditions will she pass down to her own children? I think about this a lot.

Just like all mothers and their children, we have good days and we have bad days. I hope that these little gestures of kindness, no matter what kind of day we’ve had, remind her that I will always love her and I’m never far from her. Even when she can’t see me. 💕

29/05/2024

Baby Merryday is half-baked! Mama is overcooked. 😂 🥵 Being pregnant all summer long is rough but I’m embracing it! Excited to get back to sharing all the things with y’all!!

11/05/2024

Today is my husband’s 32nd birthday, and it’s the one year anniversary of my dad’s death. What a perfect example of how grief and joy so closely coexist.

The day that I met Ben was the best day of my life. My husband, Ben, was an answered prayer for my dad. My dad only ever wanted the best for me and my sister, and the day Ben came into my life, he was it. Polite, kind, a Methodist and an avid sports fan - Ben was the total package as far as dad was concerned. Lord knows I’d dragged home some “winners and chicken dinners” over the years. But my dad and Ben became fast buddies, and were soon best friends. Ben was more than a son-in-law - he was the son my dad always wanted. He was just as proud of Ben as he was of any of his children.

The day that my dad died was the worst day of my life. But in a weird way, it was also one of the best. It was one big fat unanswered prayer, and yet so many multitudes of prayers were answered. My dad died surrounded by the people he loved the most, he even waited until his favorite son in law was in the building. He wasn’t in pain, and he wasn’t afraid. The multitude of love and care we’ve been shown in the days, months, and year following has been far greater than I imagined. In the depths of my deepest pain and despair, blessings and joy just continue to rain down.

Don’t get me wrong - I’d love more than anything for my dad to be with us. His absence still aches so deeply. But man - the life we have is still good. I know he’s part of all of it somehow - just in a different way.

I love you daddy. I miss you - and will forever. I hope I’m still making you proud. 🧡💙🧡💙🧡💙

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