25/09/2026
I saw God on the train, but pretended I didn't.
So I sat far away from the seat. He was sitting in.
Then he got up, I think probably to p**s.
And he noticed me there.
and said, ‘Oi, oi, what are you saying?
“You hiding from me?
I said, “Ahhh, I mean, nahhh.” ‘Just a comfier seat’
And he looked at me like I was a kid.
covered in chocolate, surrounded by wrappers.
Saying, ‘I don’t know what happened’
and he goes, ‘Come on then, mate ’,
I’ve got a few minutes.”
Tell me what’s wrong, but don’t f*ck around with it.
Then it shocked me that it fit in one sentence.
I said, ‘I just think Heaven’s a stupid incentive.’
Like what, a s**t life for a beautiful death?
And those who are evil can suddenly repent.
Like a killer or nonce can live like a monster
The right at the end says, ‘God, I’m sorry, dear God, sir.’
and end up right there in heaven with my nana.
She is doing some knitting; he’s waving a hammer.
It’s like, ‘Jesus, God, what a horrible deal.’
And he goes, ‘Yes, f*ck, I know how you feel.’
I’m like, ‘Mate, you’re the one spinning the wheel.’
And he goes, ‘Listen, I’ll tell you a secret, all that stuff mate,
I didn’t speak it. Like the old joke says about liars and men,
If God wrote the book, why are you holding the pen?
Nah, the rules I wrote, I wrote on your heart.
The truth I spoke, you’ve known from the start.
Be kind and don’t harm; isn’t that hard?
Heaven is just life if you’re doing your part.
You want white clouds and endless skies?
Err, yeah, look around.
You don’t have to die.
I know it probably brings you some pain
to think of the dead as just dust in a grave.
But humans can’t comprehend it when I say,
‘Life is the cloud and death is the rain.’
And I got to my stop and felt kind of mad.
I’m not sure he answered the questions I had.
Then I looked up and saw the sun rising.
He said, ‘You’re looking for heaven,
But you’re the one hiding
