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Kamaa, Kisii (2025)

21/09/2024

Habari ya masiku 👋🏽🙂

13/02/2024

KUCHU GANGSTER

PART 3

Nilenda home nikafeel adi naweza lala. Nikiwa nimechill apo kwa bed Collo akanikol.

Nilishindwa if nipokee simu au nilenge, considering niliona akiiba live live. Lakini kutu nilikuwa nayo haingeniruhusu.

Collo: Hey niaje buda uko wapi?

Me: Aaah me niko tu hapa makejani nimechill unasemaje mtu yangu

Collo: Cheki si ufanye aje instead ya kuboeka kejani si ukam hapa Ruiru tukate maji niko kwa kabase flani

Me: Aii no,no,no siwezi kuja kulewa kwanza uliniacha pekee usiku alafu unaniita kwa bar Ruiru,haitaweza bro.

Collo: Poa sawa haina mambo

Jamaa akakata simu.

Nilitulia kiasi nilipanga vile nitatoka na baiskeli nikauze mali mali yangu. After kitu 30 minutes nikaamua acha niishie.

Wadau! Kufungua tu hivi mlango nilikutana na kofi ungedhani ni ya watu wawili. Sijui if ushawahi pigwa kofi hadi akili inarudi default settings kwanza. Ukiamka unauliza kwani usiku imekuaje mrefu na saa iyo ni saa saba mchana. Nilisukumiwa kofi hadi nikajiuliza nimepigwa na mkono ama mbao.

Kidogo watu k**a watano wote plain clothes wakaingia ndani na nikapigishwa magoti,wekwa pingu, then wakanza kunibembeleza. Eeh kunibembeleza nayo lazima kwa mangumi,mateke,kukanywangwa. Kwanza kuna ninja alinikanyaga manhood manze ile uchunguu inakuanga hapo si mnaelewa. Ukiona mwanaume analia si mchezo. Kidogo nyumba ikageuzwa upside down. Nakwambia makarao wakikuja kusearch kitu kwako na ikuwe hapo ata ukuwe umeficha wapi wataipata. Kila kitu changu masimu,pesa, zote zikachukuliwa.

Kisha nikatolewa nje kumbe gari yao ilikuwa imeparkiwa hapo,kucheki ndani ni Collo ako ndani amefungwa pingu. Kumbe ile phone call hakuwa na kukunywa Ruiru ilikuwa ni set up. Nilibebwa juu juu nikarushwa ndani k**a gunia ya miraa.Gari ilichomoka mpaka station. The reason why tunapelekwa huko no one knows.

At that time nikauliza Collo rada? Can you imagine that boy who Collo aliibia reported to the police, and by bad luck they met tao Collo akiwa ametulia hapo Ruiru stadium akichana. That's how he was arrested. Alafu ananiseti ati we were with him akiiba. Watu huwanga aje lakini. My rage was boiling nilikuwa nasikia k**a naweza gonga huyo Collo nimharibu sura. On top ananiseti ati mimi K**aa Dennis nilikuwa namkatia na nikakula. Mimi sasa jameni. Ata k**a, nkt.

Tulitulia hapo until usiku. At around saa tatu usiku cell ikafunguliwa,tukatolewa tukawekwa pingu tena then tukaingizwa kwa gari tukatoka, penye tunapelekwa hatujui.

Continues.

12/02/2024

This hyped wedding is a poisoned chalice. Ata k**a ni content, why put a whole community ati risk ati juu ya views. This is nonesense. Alafu unapata watu wanafurahia hapo as if sio kujiweka kwa shida. Sasa ata straights are talking about it with vengeance. Sometimes kuchus are their own worst enemy.

K**aa Dennis

11/02/2024

KUCHU GANGSTER

PART 2

Me niliachwa hapo na huyo boy nikashindwa rada, nifuate huyu jamaa ama nifanye nini sasa?Huyu boy akaanza kulia manze mbona huyu jamaa ananifanyia hivi, hadi nikamuonea huruma ikabidi nimbembeleze. Nikamwambia aje we tulia, fanya hivi kesho tutarauka mimi na wewe twenda police station tumreport. Tulirudi na boy just sscd had come infact yeye ndo alinionyesha way out kwenda kwa stage. Shikilia hapo.

Wacha ata niendelee na kizungu sasa,juu si leo ni Sunday ata.

The following day began like any other, for an ordinary Nairobian like me. I never went to report Collo, juu I barely knew him. Nikasema mwenye alipigwa ngeta si aende mwenyewe. Kumbe karma was just doing pressups.

So it was on a Monday, most Mondays business yangu huwa chini so I opt to go to town, ata nikafanye ata window shopping. Nilikuwa na 4k nilikuwa nimesave, nikaona wacha nikabuy nguo au kiatu.

Napanda mat ya mbao hadi Ruiru, kufika Ruiru napanda bus za Lopha. I prefer them coz hazitupi mtu Kahawa au Pangani, hizi huingia CBD ndani hadi pale Tom Mboya rather than kupanda Kenya Mpya initupe na huko Fire Station.

Kufika tao, the big screen hapo Tom Mboya karibu na Archives always amaze me, I always find myself seating on those metal rails watching adverts as I kula the tumianaume passing by na macho. Its while am seating there, an Uber drops two men who by the look of things wanakaa British ivi, yani ni wazunye plus wako na macamera and they are busy taking photos. They walk past me before vanishing into the streets of Nairobi.

Suddenly the Uber driver moves out of the car, stands near the door, looks North, South, East, West. From his facial expression its like he is looking for the two wazungus that just left.

Our eyes meet, and its as if am some sort of relieve to him. He closes the car door then walks to my direction. Within a short time he sits besides me and is on phone with someone.

He has a Kamba accent, I can tell from the conversation on the phone.
"Ayee kaseee mwana ooooo, nyie ndiese kii ni kyao," he says.
“Mimi nashangaa ni nini hii wamewacha kwa ngali?” “Inawesa kuwa ni nini ?Imepakiwa vizuri kwa kalatasi na ni unga unga ina shine, kaseee ii inawesa kuwa nini?”

His conversation with the unknown caller catches my attention when he hangs up. Mimi na kiherehere yangu I find myself asking him,
“Kwani ni nini hio imewachwa?”

"Mbuloo mimi nashtuka sana ni nini ii wamewacha ." He checks right and left chapchap then dips his hand in the shirt pocket and flashes me the view of some dust in a small clear plastic bag.

"Hebu nione," I ask. He gives me the small package to check, and since mimi ni msee wa YouTube, I can tell this is some mineral dust from Congo or DRC. He quickly takes away the small bag from me and starts telling me, "sasa mbuloo, mimi nashangaa sanaaa ni nini ii, mimi mtu akanipea elfu tano nampaa hii kamuzigo." I think fast then I respond, “hiyo labda ni dust ile ya wahindi wakichomwa." He looks puzzled.“Aaaah aaaah mbuloo apana." He returns the kabag back to his shirt pocket looking more confused.

Its then that I reverse the phsychology n play with his mind.
“Mmmh niko na 3500, take it or leave it. Coz hiyo kitu sio ya maana anyway." I tell him. In my mind am sure this is gold dust from Congo, and I have heard it can fetch upto 500k or 1m. Mimi K**aa nitakuwa Mkisii ameomoka.

He bargains n I add 200 bob on top.

He hands me the merchandise quickly and tells me to hide it as I hand him the 3700. He then walks away and I see him drive away in the Uber, by am too lazy to check the number plate, bearing in mind I will be wealthy soon. Wale maboy hujifanya hard to get watanionea Viusasa, kwanza Brandon yule wa KMTC.

Chapchap naingia mat nikiwa nimetense, mimi huyooo, hadi kwa jamaa mmoja arif yangu huwa anauza mapatco na mablings anaitwa Saimoo. Am sure Saimoo must know blackmarket ya hizi vitu, coz kuna time nilisikia akijisifu vile waliuza pembe ya ndovu kwa mhindi fulani hapo Tea Room. Anyway story ya pembe tukanyangie for now.

Kufika naita Saimoo kamkutano ka kando aft nishamnunulia kdf mbili na ki coke kile kikubwa kile kinaitwa madiaba. I tell him vile nimechanua Mkao flani wa Uber, n I hand him the merchandise. He laughs so hard hadi customer wengine kwa shop wanashidwa ni joke gani hizo na crack.

He then shouts, "Arif umeoshwa hii ni kufuli ya Tri-circle imesiagwa siagwa na grinder ikaongezwa mchanga ile ya red ya Gatundu, hujui iyo scam?”

Nilisikia roho k**a itasimama.

Continues.

10/02/2024

KUCHU GANGSTER

PART 1

In 2014 after doing my fourth form an uncle of mine who lived in Kimbo Ruiru suggested I join him there instead of idling in miraa joints and video halls. He said angenitafutia hustle ya kufanya niwache kukaa tu idle k**a mkate ya boflo home Kisii.

Kimbo is a place where the rich reside but my uncle used to live kwa kanyumba flani ka matope in a 4 acre piece of land, of late the price of buloti hiked up n he sold tu quota tuwili at 5m each ni tajiri mbaya sahii.

Anyway back to the risto. He had an old bike ile ya chuma moja black mamba and told me “K**aa nataka nikufunze hustle ya malimali.”

We went to Gwa Getabaya pale Ruiru and here ndiko kuna experts wa fake products, Omo za satchets, Toss za satchets , mafuta za Vaseline, Royco satchets all fake things no wonder cancer has hit Kenya hard. In this ghetto in Ruiru nearly all malimali are fake or an imitation, hata sweety za chewing gum were fake. It’s very hard even for a shopkeeper to know the fake n real products. Advantage of these products ni ati they had a huge profit margin, kwa mfano a packet of lolipops cost 60 bob with 50 lolipops na moja mwenye duka anauza at 10 bob meaning angemake faida ya 450... no wonder unaona hawkers wa Nairobi driving Rav 4’s. I would resell the lolipops at 90 bob, and per day would sell at least 10 packets.

I would package my merchandise kwa crate ya mikate hapo kwa bike n then wrap with a paper ya nylon na bladaa. This is another version of sales job. Would then ride my bike from Ruiru, napitia Kimbo, napitia nyuma ya camp ya GSU , nanyonyera nywa nywa nywa hadi Toll, kutoka hapo mimi huyo hadi Juja, naingia kwa estates kwa maduka nikiuza malimali, from there nafika Kenyatta Road,and here is where I had a large fan base. Being young n aggressive made shopkeepers love my zeal, I was just 18 years… I did that hustle until nikapata rafiki alikuwa anaitwa Collo. Collo tulitoana FB infact yeye ndi iliniinbox na pseudo. So we planned to meet. Alinisumbua sana akiniuliza role but hapo nilikanyagia proper.

Tulipatana hapo Mwenjoyo pub hapo Wataalam. He looked like a good guy. Alikuwa amevaa formal, kashirt ametuck in poa kwa trouser, he looked super fine. Na alikuwa na a big bulge, nilishindwa if hio yote ni yake. That was my first time kuingia bar, mimi sikuwa ata nimetaste pombe ever. Juu ilikuwa ishaanza kuwa usiku it was around 9pm, nikamwambia acha niishie. Sikuwa nataka kuleteana juu na uncle yangu. So tulitoka, ndio anizindikishe to the stage nichukue mat za kwenda Kimbo.

Tulichomoka but kufika kona flani Collo akakula chwom flani yenye sikuona hii k**a ni ya kwenda mtaa. Nyuma yetu kulikuwa na boy fulani alikuwa amebeba man bag. Nilipata goosebumps nikashindwa rada ni gani, kwani tunaendaje.Deep down in my mind nikanza kufikiria Collo si kijana mzuri ukiona amepiga hii route aki ya Mungu, nikaanza kufikiria kenye nitafanyiwa wacha tu.

Na enyewe hata hatutembea step kumi before Collo aonyeshe his true colours. Tulikaribia ule boy, Collo akageuka akashika ile manbag ya huyu boy akaivuta.

"Leta hii kitu apa wewe,unatufuata unaenda wapi?" Boy alijaribu kuresist bag ikavutwa kwa nguvu hadi ikamuumiza kwa shingo. Kidogo ikaseachiwa vitu za maana, simu, pesa na anything of value zikachukuliwa then Collo akatoka mbio akaingia exile, nikaachwa hapo na huyo boy.

Shida iko hapa sasa. Sijui huyu Collo but amepiga mtu ngeta,na tulikuwa na yeye. So huyu si ataona as if I was part.

Continues.

09/02/2024

Thanks sana for your support I sincerely appreciate. Asanteni!

Meanwhile we're back like we never left from kesho morning, kuna hii stori nataka kuwachapia, a real life story of a kuchu gangstar. Nairobi iko na maneno. Weka mambo ya blackmail kando, this was a real gangster. Mgondi. Thug.

Meanwhile I have seen mtu wangu commenting commenting all over pages za makuchu all over. Mwambieni I know his pseudo account. I know his handwriting. Mpaka amewainbox na vile tukiwa na yeye huwa anasema ni mimi tu 😂😂😂

30/01/2024

LIFE
Nikikumbuka at some point in life nilikuwa na time ya kulisha hata Grasshoppers naisha nguvu😭😭😭.

29/01/2024

Tomorrow.

08/11/2023

KAMAA'S DIARIES

THIKA: PART 1

Ajez wazito… it’s been long since I last posted but today my mind went for a flashback to the year 2019, Jan hivo…

I remember nilikuwa in my barbershop nikinyoa watoi…ilikuwa back to school after midterm ya kwanza so wera ilikuwa mob.

In that process there comes a certain ninja called Kim. Kim is that kind of guy who can sell u anything, ni broker wa mahustler, ukitaka stove anajua mani anauza… ukidai kunyanyua bottom bro-code applies he can rent you his kaself confused room...

So mraiya tells me kuna beste yake ako na kaissue flani na anadai kasoft loan au auze kameko na woofer. Me am like “Kim unajua sipendi hizo biz tangu Mustafaa ashikwe na gate ya wenyewe imeng'olewa, alafu hiyo meko na woofer anadaisha ngapi?” I ask pretending sitaki hizo biz.

“Thao mbili, meko ya 6kg ya Pro Gas na woofer ndogo” he says.

Am like this deal sounds sweet. "Mshow nitampa 1700," I bargain.

“K**aa fikisha 2k, mimi nikule hata k**a ni rwabe,” he insisted.

Finally we reach to a conclusion, 1860. Sikujua 60 bob ni za nini... And off he goes promising to return with the merchandise, namlipa deposit ya thao, balance ni akifikisha bidhaa ile njaro ya ile movie ya Transporter.

Kitu 7pm Kim anafikisha mali , meko ni complete hata uko na uchafu ya ugali. But woofer haina external speaker moja but nampatia the balance n it’s deal done.

Bidhaa narusha kwa store narudi job.

The following day on a Monday, nakumbuka sana. Kwa kioo ya kinyozi nacheki morio wangu Kim amefunganishwa pingu na kajamaa flani hukula miraa sana huitwa Bayano, kalidropia Form 2, ni kamugodi kabaya sana.
The AP policemen nawajua wote wawili Muchiri na Senior. They point at my kinyozi. Am like "kwisha mimi." I think of running but sina nguvu.

Kim anawekelewa nyahunyo mbili anasema ni mimi aliuzia woofer na meko. Kusikia hivyo naruka vile matop huruka from one bottom to another... narukia Kim na teke pretending vile nimekasirika kuharibiwa jina.

Kim anahepa teke yangu inalima, Bayano kwa tumbo.

Kushtukia naskia nyahunyo mbili moto kwa mgongo, manzee hawa majegee sijui walisomea nini pale Kiganjo. Senior ananiwekelea mbili hot alafu Muchiri ananifinya mbavu karibu angowee zote, amesahau Adam alipea Eve akabaki na kumi na kitu...

“K**aa ongea tu ukweli, si nilikuletea jana usiku ukazirusha kwa store?” Kim shouts.

Already we have created an afro cinema happy kwa center, a crowd of onlookers has started gathering. Kumbe anyone can be a thief achomwe na tyre woooiiiiiiiiiii.

“Fungua store,” Muchiri commands.

“Si basi muniwachilie nichukue keys,” I beg him.

He leaves me then follows me inside the shop, store ni mlango ya next room. I open the store and evidence is all there... meko na woofer...

"Bayano kuja hapa, hizi vitu unazijua?" Senior asks him alafu anamnyeshea a very heavy slap hadi anaona stars.

"Eeeeh nazijua, ndizo nilibeba kutoka home nikapea Kim aziuze," Bayano says.

“Hivyo wewe K**aa ndiye hununua stolen goods eeeeeeeeeeh?” Senior replies then knocks me kwa kisogo na matako ya G3, special machine gun. Sijui more about guns but hiyo bunduki ilikuwa ile mrefu, lemmi not describe the gun nisitafutwe nipeane hiyo mucene napeana hapa.

Continues.

06/11/2023

K**aa is here...

24/10/2023

KAMAA'S CLINIC

Alikunywa dawa. Let's help.

24/10/2023

WORIA

Kwa wale tumewahi ishi kwa kijiji, mnaelewa ile umoja inakuanga kwa plot za mabati. Niliitiwa kazi kwa muhindi hapo Lower Kabete, sa ilibidi nitafute kakeja cheap hapo Ndumboini. Niliangukia plot imejaa woria. Nililipa 1800, kanyumba kalikuwa kadogo.

Thao zangu kumi nilipewa k**a salary ya first month nilimake sure niko na bed hata k**a ilikuwa na drawers hapa mbele 😂 Nilijiskia mimi ni ndume sasa niko kwangu, considering ni 5 months since I deffered my course apo KU due to lack of fees. Nilimalizia Form 4 Kisii county hapo Ogembo.

Hiyo plot ilikua na mijulus mingi kuliko nunu. Kulikuwa kumejaa ma hotcake, kumbe hizi kanzu zimeficha vitu mrefu mrefu mti ya kuroll chapati.

Moha is his real name alikuwa amekufa na mimi mbaya sanaa hata nikifungua mlango alikuwa lazima anichungulie na kasmile tamu k**a ka mkikuyu akiona unatoa wallet. Jamaa mwenzake mwenye walikuwa wanaishi pamoja alikuwa wale woria wa sheria kali, since niingie hiyo plot sijawahi ona smile yake hata kidogo.

So hii job ilikuwa mpaka na night shift. Ilibidi nianzie kuingia usiku, morning niko kwa plot.... hapo ndo nilikuwa narudi kutesa mtaa. Nilikuwa napendwa na Moha sanaa juu nilikuwa namuokolea kathao ivi, soo tano time ingine wakati wamekaukiwa.

Mabeshte wake pia walikuwa wananitambua akiwemo Hassan, na mwingine alikuwa anaitwa Fahad. Mohaa alikuwa anapenda mchezo sana. Alikuwa ananitime wakati wa kulala, kausingizi kamekuja kidogo anasukuma mlango yangu polepole, anakuja na kuvuruta duvet yangu ya 1300, ananifunua na anatoroka mbio akicheka. Nilimuonya hii mchezo anacheza ni hatari na hakuniskia. Hii ilikuwa tabia amezoea sana. Siku moja nikampigia timing.

Sasa juu nilikua nimechoka na hii utotology niliweka mtego hapo kwa mlango, K**a kawaida kitu 8 morning nikaingia kwa duvet yangu. Round hii niko rada ya Mohaa hajui nimekua na dry spell ya 1 week since ninyanduliwe na Mrefu.

Saa hiyo morning nilikuwa nishafanyisha mjulus mazoezi nikaona iko rada, mazoezi ni kuchukua maji kwa kikombe, unaiweka kwa mjulus imesimama hapo kwa kichwa ijibebee yenyewe.

Kidogo nikajifanya nang'orota nikaskia mlango ikifunguliwa pole pole nikasema leo ndo ile siku utotology huisha na heshima kudumu.

Nikajiweka ready juu huyu Mohaa huchomoka mbio hata huwezi mshika. Before ashike duvet yangu mimi huyo pap! Nikashika mkono wake,akabaki na zile woyieeee.

After kumkwamilia mkono nikamvuta mbaka kwa kitanda. Then nikamlakia kwa kifua, nikateremsha mkono mbaka kwa bulge, nikashika mzigo.

Leo lazima ass yake itameza huo kitu yangu.

Aki Mohaa alinipiga busu moto k**a jua ya Kitengela, nikamvuta kanzu huku akinitoa vest nikabaki na kinyasa pekee. Mohaa alikuwana kitu nono k**a ngwashe za Kisii.Niliishika huku akitetemeka k**a generator ya Wasafi.

Mohaa aliwhisper in my ear "f**k me, f**k meeeeeeeee K**aa, fuuuuuuckk me..." Nilimkulia vako nikateremka mpaka hapo chini nikaanza kunyonya mjulus. Mohaa alipiga kelele plot mzima nikasema k**a mbaya mbaya, wacha katambe.

Nilishika mudhongi yangu sawasawa nikaipaka mafuta ya salad ilikuwa tu hapo next kwa gas. Nilipata kiasi kwa as***le alafu nikaanza kuingia polepole.

Ilipofika nusu alinisukuma nyuma na kuniambia nisipitishe hapo. Nilimwambia pole but nikaanza kumdara nikiendelea kuingia tu mosmos. Nikiendelea till akanimeza yote na nikaanza ruthm ya ndani na nje.

But alikuwa ananyamba tuu. Makdnde yangu inamgonga "paahh!" Shimo yake inajibu "puuuuuurrrrr!" "Paahh!" anajibu "puuuuuurrrrr!"

Mohaa alipagawa nikasikia ameanza kuniita "Osamaa! Osamamaaaa!Osamaaaaaa! Unanibomoa huku ndani!!" Niliisukuma ndani na nje k**a mara thate fae hivi.

Nilisikia bulletszangu zinakuja, kale kafeeling nilisikia si unajua. Nilimhold for like 10 minutes. Hio time hakuna mtu anaongelesha mwingine. Niliamka polepole nikasoma nikamwangaliavile amepanuka shimo imefunguka k**a shimo ya termites.

Na vile Mohaa hujifanya mjeuri na hizo ndevu zake amedye. Alikaa kiti 10 more minutes ndo akaamka na kujizoa polepole akavaa kanzu yake na kunipiga kiss. Aliniambia hajawahi jua watu husika poa hivyo. Kufungua mlango Mama Mwende kasuku wa plot alikuwa anaswerp hapo nje. Huyu mama anafikiria sijui huwa ananyamduliwa na yule kijana Mkisii fundi wa stima.

Mohaa alitoka nje akaenda kwa choo k**a kawaida ukimaliza shot.

It was a good morning.

22/10/2023

ALIPONEA

Mrefu alikuwa akinyandua kijana wa Landlord huyu wetu kwao. Kwao imagine! All of a sudden huyo boy akakufa.

Initially Mrefu hakujua Maina amekufa, alifikiria he was silently enjoying the game.

"Maina si uko msweet, umenyamaza poa, na uzuri budako hayuko na tenants hawatasikia tukijienjoy." Mrefu akawhisper kwa masikio ya Maina as he passionately continued thrusting in and out. Maina hakurespond.

"Umetulia aje au budako ako? Siwezi taka atusikie," he continued.

"Maish, Maish, Maish, husemi.kitu!" Mrefu akawhisper polepole but Maina hakumove.

"Ai,kwani nini inaendelea?" he asked as he withdrew his msolokombo from Maina huku akimshika shoulder na mkono mmoja.

"Hii ni prank? Nini inaendelea Maisha? Amka joh, sipendi prank kaa hizi." He started tapping him but Maina never responded.

"Aaaaaaiii," Mrefu akaweka masikio kwa chest ya Maina na akarealize Maina hapumui anymore.

"Waaaaah!!!! Ghai!!!!" Akaanza kulia. He was in shock, his heart began to beat fast and heavily.

“Maish, please wake up, please say something” alipiga magoti pleading Maina to wake up but nothing changed.

Alienda kitchen, akachukua kikombe na maji na akasplash kwa uso ya Maish, alafu akampress chest gently... akajaribu hadi kufanya mouth resuscitation but Maina hakuamka.

"Ghai, Mungu nisaidie, huyu ni son wa Landlord!" His eyes got wide na akashika kichwa yake in regret.

“Ooh no, no, no, it can't be what I’m thinking. Maish amka pliz. Wacha jokes. Nihurumie tu. I swear sitawahi kuguza tena. Nitakupea doh ile utataka..." he pleaded machozi zikitoka uncontrollably.

"Aki ukiamka sitawahi kulana nje nitatosheka na K**aa . God, I beg you nisamehe." Alikuwa still amepiga magoti akilia.

"Nifanye nini sasa?" he started thinking.

Alifungua mlango faster, but hakukuwa na mtu kwa plot.

Alirudi kwa room akaanza kufikiria what to do.

Few minutes later akasikia mtu akiitana,"Mrefu! Mrefu"

Kumbe ni mimi nilikuwa namwamsha, leo ameoversleep.

"Amka beb utachelewa kwenda job," I told him.

Aliamka but he was happy it was a dream. Ebu nimpee breakfast leo ako off, tutashinda tu indoors. Tuongee baadaye watu wangu.

***************

Aki nahitaji friends on my account K**aa Dennis

21/10/2023

Naitwa Mokaya Junior.

20/10/2023

Can someone talk to Mrefu for me. Nimetoka kwa choo nikapata 10 missed calls, kupiga line busy... kidogo kidogo napata text ati "enjoy your life with your new bae" 🤔🤔 sasa mimi na choo surely tunapelekana wapi?😂😂😂

20/10/2023

KAMAA'S DIARIES

MREFU THE MAN: PART 4

"....me and you won't make it to be lovers..." this statement ilizidi kujirudia kwa mind yangu. Sikutaka kuamini those words are from Mrefu. "What will i do... should i give up?.....No! I won't give up that easy"

It wasn't easy to give up on a guy like him. His picture, smile, biceps... vyote vilizidi kutawala mawazo yangu. He was someone's son, hawa ndio wale unaskianga God aliwacreate akiwa hana speed, ama waliteremshwa from heaven? He was every kuchu's dream.

Story za kumsahau hazikuwa kwa akili yangu. That night was too long kwangu, just thinking about him. Niliconclude that lazima nimeet naye anishow hivo face to face. It's not easy to loose someone you love virahisi hivo.

Next day kitu 3.p.m nililipia nduthi hadi side za kwao, though sikujua kwao specific. Nilipelekwa mpaka Jogoo estate... nikajiuliza, yes nimefika but nitampata aje? Nikajaribu kucall but number yake haikuenda through. Nikajua baaas kwisha mimi, bahati sina maskini mie. Lakini kidogo hivi, nikiwa nataka kurudi kwetu, naye kumbe ndio anaingia akiwa amesindikizwa na morio fulani. Hanioni bado. Bila aibu, huyo jamaa akampea hug ingine tight hadi nikaudhika. After that wakaagana, so akawa anataka kuingia boma fulani, then boom nikamuita. Hakufikiria naweza fika hapo juu hata kwao sikua najua.

Mrefu: Ni wewe tena?

Me: Yes, ni mimi...

Mrefu: Umefuata nini sasa?

Me: Just you...

Mrefu: Me? Nilikuambia akuna day tutamingle... na hakuna siku nitakufikiria

Me: Usifikirie ukiongea mbaya unanihurt. Infact nafeel poa. Na acha nikwambie, you see these guys wenye wanakudrop home, they don't love you, wako kwako kutumia and to tarnish your future, there is only one person who truly loves you, and sio mwingine, ni mimi K**aa!

After kumwambia hivo nikajikata, nilifeel vibaya sana, sikutaka kuamini anweza niambia hivo live.

Next day morning, nilistuka kuget his three missed calls. "Anaweza kuwa alitaka kuniambia nini?" Nilianza kuwaza. Before hata nimuulize, text ikaingia kutoka kwake saying that, "I'm sorry kwa vile nilireact vibaya...plz lets meet place tulimeet first time"

Sasa anaweza kuwa anataka kunishow nini... ama ni madharau anataka kunionyesha tena... should I go... wait, and if ni trap ama set up? Woreva, niliamua liwe liwalo, I love him... I want him, so I must accomplish my mission to win and have him.

Kitu saa tisa, nilijiprepare nikapiga luku yangu safi, nikalipia nduthi one on one hadi place tuliagree kumeet. Kufika nikafika ndio, but sikumpata, nikawait, nikangoja, nikangoja, nikawait for almost an hour hadi nikawa karibu kulose hope. Sasa ndio nini hizi... text hareply, simu hashiki...is it a set up? ...ama amechange mind? For sure nilikuwa confused, sikujua ni kwa nini aniambie tumeet, na mbona up to now mbona hajashow up.

I was about to loose hope, when suddenly he appeared smiling. Kumwona tu, hasira nilikuwa nazo zote zikadisappear, na vile nilikuwa nimekalishwa hapo for more than hour, morio nilijipata nikismile back. Hakika love ni sweet ukipata the one you love.

Mrefu: (smiling) Hi mambo

Me: Poa sana. Uko vipi?

Mrefu: Freshii tu... Bytha am sorry kwa kureact vibaya last time. Nilireact hivo to test if you truly love me, I wanted to be sure if kweli unanipenda... all what I did was an exam... hata time ulinicall nikakata, then ukatuma text nikajibu vibaya, ilikuwa exam bado

Me: Exam tena?

Mrefu: Ofcourse, hata ule boy nilihug time ulikam hadi kwetu ni my cousin, pia hiyo ilikuwa exam kwako, i wanted to see if unaeza nidumb that easy......

Mimi I was out of words, nimekondoa tu macho nikimwangia if he was serious. He continued:

Hata sai don't think that nimefika late kumeet, nilifika hii place earlier than you, nilikuwa just around watching you. I wanted to see if unaweza nivumilia, nilikuwa natest your patience...

To cut the long story short that's how we started our love, our relationship.

Aliniambia twende kwao.

Tulifika but kukaanza kudrizzle and before long mvua ikakuwa heavy. Kwa room ya Mrefu ni bed tu, na baridi imejaa. He suggested niingie kwa blanketi nisishikwe na pneumonia

Lakini mimi chuma ilikuwa imestand still uku ikipiga pia teke inadai kutoka nje. Mrefu aliingia bed alafu mimi kitu ilinishangaza ni alileta mkono to my waist alafu akaanza kufungua zip ya trouser yangu akitaka achomoe my net worth before irarue boxer na ma press ups.

Kwani anataka kunikula huyu ama.

Continues.

👇👇

19/10/2023

HAPPY MASHUJAA DAY

NIKIKUMBUKA TUKISHOUT HASORAAA 😭😭😭 HAIDHURU

Ati mnasemaaaajeeeee....

Tuinue uchumi kwanzia chini kwenda juu

Yaani bottom up?

Wangapi wanakubaliana na mimi?

Hasora: Yaani Bottooom
Us: Up!!
Hasora: Bottooooom
Us: Up!!

Wangapi wanasema hawa mabepari wafunge virago waende nyumbani,wasituletee lukumba lukumba ala!

Salaaaaaaaaala, yaani mnasema tuwekeleee hii watu kwa wheelbarrow?

Tusukume mpaka bei ya mafuta iende chini, bei ya stima iende chini eee?

Tumesema cabinet itakuwa wamama 50% na hii watu ingine 50%

DJ behind the tent: (anascratch kile kisauti) Wiuwiuwiuwiu 🎶 🎵

Hawa watu wakwende bwanaaaaa sisi tuko na mpango na plan, ndani ya siku mia moja kila mkenya atakuwa na bima ya afya, ndani ya siku mia moja bei ya unga itakuwa mia moja na ishirini, bei ya gas itakuwa chini.

Nyinyi mnanielewa au hamunielewi, hatupangwingwi! Serikali inayokuja ni ya mama mboga, jamaaa wa mkokoteni na boda boda.

Turi hamwe?

Mwathani agocwo?

Salaaaaaaala.

Jeremiah 20 verse 11 inasema

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Nyinyi mnajua hiyo?

Dj behind the tent: Hae hae haeee mmmmmm tumeuona mkono wake bwaaaaaana.....tumeuona mkono wake bwaaaaana... 🎵 🎶 🎵

Uhuru Kenyatta na hii mtu yake ya kitendawili waaambiwe tumejipanga.

**********

Let me be thinned by mine 😭

19/10/2023

RANDOM THOUGHTS

WACHA HIZI TIME YA MECHI

1. Kushinda ukiangalia saa kila saa mkiendelea na mechi mpaka your partner anafeel as if hes wasting your time.

2. Kukaa k**a umeboeka ati juu partner wako amekunyandua vilivyo na hamwagi haraka.

3. Unamwaga then you just leave your bottom apo without caring k**a anafaa amwage pia. Alafu tabia ya kuwank bottom ukimnyandua anamwaga mbele yako then he gets bored au anafeel uncomfortable wacha.

4. Kusneeze au kukohoa on your partner's face. Sasa mbona umnyeshee na mamate na especially vile sneeze hunuka mbaya? Ata ukisema excuse me harufu iko tu.

5. Kupeana reference ati mjaribu style fulani ex wako alikuwa anakufanyia. That's an unhealthy comparison. K**a unafeel hupewi vile ungetaka, address your partner without making references.

6. Faking unaenjoy mechi, kufanya all types of dramatic movements, dramatic moans etc. hadi mtu anajua tu you are faking.

7. Kukuwa too silent until partner wako anafeel like ako na maiti. Atleast make a small sound ukifeel poa.

8. Kukaa ndeeee ukiexpect partner wako afanye everything for you. Mpaka your guy anaanza kufeel like a doctor operating a patient juu lazima ugeuzwe hivi na vile, uinuliwe miguu, udarwe, ukiwa tu hapo ndeeee.

9. Kufanya dissaproval faces k**a hujakuwa satisfied. Ambia partner yako kuna vile, yeye sio malaika ajue hujatosheka alaar.

11. Huambii your guy kuna kitu mpya ungetaka mjaribu. Mnafika kwa bed unaanza kufanya vitu weird maybe ata ni kujiweka vidole au unamwambia akuweke ngumi kwa ass then your partner anaboeka na hio stori. Seek approval before kufanya weird stuff time ya mechi.

12. Calling out the wrong name time pleasure is at the peak. That is a total deal breaker. Mtaachana tu don't even try this.

13. Kukataa kiss. Kiss ni poa but brush meno both of you. Teach each other to kiss sio kupakana mate na kunyonya mtu lip k**a ndama karibu uing'oe. Na wacha kulamba mtu from head to toe unampaka mamate mwili mzima in the name of romance, unamwacha tu na maharufu.

14. Pushing someone’s head towards your your msolokombo juu unadai head. Kuna mtu labda hapendi kufanya oral. So usiforce.

15. Kufanya foreplay ya 2 seconds ati ni venye nyege zimekujaa ati sijui ulikuwa dryspell sijui ulikuwa na kutu. Take time to romance bana.

16. Kunyamba during mechi then unakaa tu normal as if nothing happened. Ama unacheka. Na probably it's worse than a skunk.

18. Kujifanya umejam juu partner wako amecommunicate time ya mechi. Communication itawasaidia nyote to perfect game, so take positively feedback yeyote utapata during mechi.

Kamaa

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