05/06/2024
TIPS OF HOW TO SURVIVE IN NAIROBI CITY
1. Don't go to downtown if you dont have to.
2. If you move into a new house, use two padlocks no matter how of good quality they are.
3. Ukitembea tao uskie mtu amesema "oya oya" dont turn just move to the side.
4. When boarding a mat, check the condition of your window..thats where your phone might exit from.
5. No one should pray for you on the streets regardless of your situation in life.
6.
7. Afya Center..don't even stop to swallow your saliva, pita ukikimbia. Walk mercilessly! And if you have hips,use them to pave way for yourself!📷📷. Elbows pia ni weapons... Unapita ukienda bila kuangalia nyuma.If someone hits you as you walk along the streets,hit them back because no one apologizes for such mistakes in this ciry!!
8. If you feel lost just go to Archives, you will pick your bearing from there.
9. Incase someone drops anything Infront of you ,don't pick ,run like your life depends on it. Hata ukiitwa siste siste ,achana nayo.
11. Wakati wa mvua usinyeshewe K**a mimea Hapo kwa corridors, get in Supermarkets watch news from 85" Samsung Screen.Fanya window shopping hata k**a hununui kitu 📷📷
Confidence ndio muhimu. Be smart nani!!
12. Don't bargain on everything..the trick is, the quality will keep reducing as the price goes down.
13.Avoid eye contact na hawker especially ukiwa traffic jam. Otherwise you've already signed a purchase contract.
14.When tired under scorching sun in town, don't go to Archives or Hilton. Just go to KCB KENCOM, pick a bank ticket and sit there the whole day. You will have a great rest.
15.Whatever you buy, must be packaged in front of you yaani mbele yako📷📷 or else you'll find yourself with avocado seeds instead of potatoes.
Never buy black shoes 📷 at night.
16.In case uone any job openings ziko na phrase ya "send Whatsapp with the word Nairobi to a certain number," jua tu ni wale watu wa global...
Any job utaitishwa doh alafu uambiwe itakuwa refunded, hio ni wash wash..
17.Ukiskia risasi anywhere close to you, don't run..duck into the nearest shop...if you run, watu wa kwenyu wataambiwa uliuliwa na stray bullet...
18. Ukiingia kwa matatu and the window next to you haijifungi ama it's faulty, assume huna simu..the moment you remove it, it's gone... Never walk in a straight line..walk like 2 mins on the pavement then change direction abruptly..vuka barabara..the main aim is to be unpredictable..
19.Don't talk to those old grandmothers on the streets. Even
thieves grow old.
20.Leave your Christian virtues and fruits of the Holy spirit at your home doormat. Think like a con and treat everyone like a suspect, otherwise you'll get fixed.
Never ever buy a phone, watch, electronics from a random person or shop in these streets.
*Additionally, never ever buy SECOND HAND items, especially Phones & electronics regardless of how cheap they are. Why?📷 You'll wet your panty the moment detectives track and catch up with you and tell you " Mwili tulipata, lakini kichwa mlitupa wapi? Si mngeweka tu karibu na mwili. Mbona mlimuua, si mngechukua simu na pesa tu na muende?"
KINDLY FOLLOW Mwangi is Mwangi
