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Luxembourg Wurst

The Luxembourg Wurst is a humor and satire website about life in the world’s only remaining Grand Nothing funny here

01/10/2025

'And where is the bejeweled crown, passed down through the centuries and rumored to carry a curse?' said the disappointed expat. 'I’ve read that there isn’t any crown whatsoever.' RTL Today

An expat who had been looking forward to the upcoming coronati0n of HRH Guillaume has expressed disappointment with much of the weekend-long programme.

24/09/2025

'This doesn’t mean that we will understand your French, only that we will, in some part of our hearts and minds, admit that you are trying to speak the language of Molière and Proust.' RTL Today

After years insisting that such a move would betray the country’s values and heritage, France has announced that it will finally recognize your French.

17/09/2025

Baggy trousers for two, just one of the hot new fashion trends sweeping Luxembourg schools this autumn. RTL Today

Fashion trends these days seem to disappear as soon as they arrive, leaving parents stumped and helpless. Luckily, the Wurst has its finger on the fashion pulse to help your self-conscious adolescent or teen fit in.

10/09/2025

As for his ability to remain calm at such high speeds, the driver credits his training as well as breathing techniques he learned from Sherpa guides who accompany climbers on Mount Everest. RTL Today

Amid high-fives from fellow drivers and the popping of crémant corks, a LuxTram driver has broken the national tram speed record after reaching a top speed of 23.7 kilometers per hour.

04/09/2025

'He was like, blah blah blah I have an old HP printer, and blah blah blah I’m confused about ink carriages,' says annoyed one sales associate. 'Couldn't he see we were busy talking with each other?'

In what is being cited as yet more evidence that Luxembourg shoppers are increasingly acting like spoiled children, a self-centred customer has rudely interrupted a group of chatting sales associates with a dumb question about ink cartridges. Kevin M., Florian S., and Carine Y., who work in the elec...

04/09/2025

'I didn’t know falling anvils were real,' says one mother. 'I thought they were imaginary, like magic shrink rays and frogs in top hats singing classic show tunes.'

The last time Marie-Laure Klein saw her son Max, he was throwing stones at a sarcastic, cigar-smoking crow that had landed in their garden. Within moments, the four-year-old — along with the tricycle he was riding — were gone, victim of an anvil that had mysteriously dropped from the sky. “I d...

03/09/2025

'The HR head often feels pressure to stay late or bring work home, which is unacceptable and untenable,' says the HR head. RTL Today

Saying that dealing with endless complaints about the stressful working environment and having to deal with an ever-growing number of disputes is not good for one's wellbeing, the head of a human resources department has announced that she is going to prioritise work-life balance for the HR head.

27/08/2025

The supernatural act occurred after days of children complaining that the rides were the same as those from last year. RTL Today

The supernatural act occurred after days of children complaining that the rides were the same as those from last year.

20/08/2025

Father who learned basic Italian in car now throwing around his 9 words like cocky linguist RTL Today

A father vacationing with his family in northern Italy has been throwing around the nine Italian words he learned in preparation for the trip like a cocky linguist trying to invent a new language, it has been revealed.

13/08/2025

'Shopping there was like being in a zombie movie,' one source reported. 'But one in which all the zombies dress in nice clothes, closely inspect ingredient labels, and carry high-quality reusable sacks.' RTL Today

Contrary to what one might expect in a market that specialises in chemical-free, naturally grown food that should make those who eat it feel energized, everyone in a Luxembourg City organic food shop acts as if they were just shot by a tranquiliser dart, according to sources.

06/08/2025

Expat tells family wildly fantastic stories about having strong social network in Luxembourg RTL Today

An expat who has returned to his home country for a summer visit has recounted to his family a compelling but wholly untrue story about having a large and reliable group of friends in Luxembourg.

30/07/2025

Evidence we're in an alternate timeline: Customer service good for 3 weeks straight RTL Today

A team of physicists from the Center for Time Studies at the University of Wiltz have postulated that we have veered into an alternate timeline, evidenced by more than three weeks of consistently good customer service all around Luxembourg.

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