PATI

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29/03/2025

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04/06/2023

Hello there! Let's continue building our community with interesting discussions and engaging posts.

27/03/2023

LETTER TO MY LANDLORD

Dear Able Landlord, It's me Pat, the tenant you gave double quit notice the other day. I don finally pack. Yes! I pack today. But e get small confessions wey I wan yarn you laidis:

1. Ireti your daughter don get belle! Yes you read that right, and na me give am belle... no vex!. The way e happen sef I no fit explain, e even shock her sef... we no plan am like dis. You be my fellow man and I hope you understand say na accidental discharge... e fit happen to anybody, but I promise say e no go happen again. I for like be ur son-in-law but you're a bad man. Yes!

2. Bingo your dog no lost, na chop we chop am!
I know say dis one go shock you pass bcoz we follow you search for am. No be only me chop bingo, we dey three. Me, your caretaker and one other hausa man. Oga LandLord, bingo sweet die!... I use am cook soup, cook rice, cook stew, even use am cook beans. Omo! the dog get natural oil for body... And i know say you go dey plan to lay curse on me, the curse no go work, bcoz I pray before I chop am. I know say I bad, but you see that your caretaker? na evil man. Him get liver collect the lion share despite say na me bring up the idea... can you imagine?

3. Oga Landlord, I know say when you
return from your journey you go dey find your keke. The thing be say I sell am dis morning. Money bin no too dey my hand and I suppose settle one or two agent for this new compound I wan park into, no too reason am.

The iron condemn man bin dey price am 25k but I say nooo. How I go sell Keke wey still dey in good condition for 25k? e no good na.

So Las Las I come add ur wheelbarrow make everything be round figure. So the iron condemn man come later pay me 30k for everything. Na the money I use transport myself, and na from there I go take cook soup when I reach.

I drop 2k under your door mat, so when you come you carry am hold body. E no good say I sell your property without dropping something, my conscience no go allow me rest.
😅😄🤩🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

10/03/2023

"Your money is my money until you marry your wife. Anytime I ask you for money, give me money. If you don't give me now, when will you give me again? Why will you be hiding common one thousand naira when this kind of thing is hungrying me Eh? Oya chop small bread again. Add am with two sardine. I won't give you my malt, go and drink water and sleep. It is night."

😭😭😭

10/03/2023

™
So I just visited my mum 3days back.

This afternoon, my mum entered my room to ask me if I had any money on me. I had 1k somewhere around. But it was my last cash. I knew if I gave her that money, I was not going to get it back. So I told her that I didn't have any money on me.

She didn't say anything to me. She just went out of the house.

This evening, she returned with Bread, Tin milk, sardine, and malt. I stood up from the bed and approached her. I was glaring at the whole enjoyment she had bought.

"Mummy where did you buy this enjoyment from?"

The woman just glanced at me and started opening her bread. She opened sardine and started complaining about how the fish has reduced. She opened the malt and turned the full peak milk inside the malt.

"Mummy where did you buy it now?"

"From the mosque. Chidera I bought it from the mosque."

I sat beside her and started licking my lips. My mother glanced at me and saw the way I was staring at the bread and sardine in particular.

"Emeka enter your room. Go back to sleep na."

"Haba now. Mummy give me small. This bread is too big for you o."

She didn't respond.

She carried bread, broke it in half, put fish inside, and took her first bite.

I swallowed saliva instantly. She drank the malt and turned towards me.

"Go back to bed. Go back and sleep."

I was angry, so I decided to pepper my mother too by going to buy my own enjoyment.

I started looking for my 1k. For 30mins now I have been searching the bedroom for my money.

Only me, my mother, and the two rats I saw yesterday evening are in this house. I have calculated everything my mother bought, it is 1k in total.

Just when I started complaining, she called me and gave me bread and sardine. She said I should sip small malt to dilute the bread.

Then she said to me.

"Your money is my money until you marry your wife.
TBC👉

10/03/2023

There's nothing bad about being in an abusive relationship.

Don't mind what people are saying.

If he buys you iPhone 14, takes care of your siblings, sends you monthly allowance in 6 figures, and can give you or**sm...

What is small slap with a little touch of blow and kicks in the stomach that you cannot take?

Just bear with him and always remember that he is doing it out of love.

See, men are scarce everywhere oo. No matter how much a man panel beats you, remember that the streets are rough.

Just stay there, as long as you are not my sister.
😎🥴😏

09/03/2023

Precious come to bed
that chair is not my own.

09/03/2023

Like my page to unlock the next episode ❤️❤️❤️

09/03/2023

My Mom told Me that We should Go and Visit My Aunt who Just Rêtuned From Germany.

That Fáteful day, My Mom dréw My Ears that "I SHOULD NOT CÓLLECT FÓOD OR DRÍNK, ONLY WÁTER!!", She told Me that If I dáre cóllect Food in My Aunt House, I should Cônsider Myself DÉAD!!😩😳😭😭.

She even told Me that, "She was the Oné Who Uséd Móst of the Vîllâgèrs as Rîtuâl😳😲😟",

We both agreed!😋😋.

When we Got there, After Cool Embrâcement, She Told Me "My Lóve, Do you Mind anything to eat?",
I eyéd her and said NÓ, She was Súrprised, But my Mom told her that, It's My Natural Behavior🥰😋.

Then she Asked My Mom what she'll Like to Eat, She said "I don't Want mûch, But Rice with Chícken Will be Enough, you can tóp it with FiveAlive!!", I Opened My Mouth in Páin😳😳😟😭😭, with Swállowing of Spít as My Aunt put it on the Table. 🥺😭

My Aunt turned to me and said " I really Lóve Your Type of Childhood, So mannered, Your lifestyle is Ráre, Keep it up, Don't Be Like Your Mom oo, who lóves Food",..My Mom intérrupted "Of Course he cán't Change, He's So Trained and That's His Náture!!"😳😳😟😭😭😭🙆

I answered My Aunt "Okay Ma, I will Nôt Change from My Lifestyle😭😭😭, but Pérmit to Go and use The Toilet",

I quickly léft The Parlour, Find way To The Kîtchen😒, Opèn the Pôt and Carry Frîed Rice with 2 Chíckens, then Opèn the Frîdge and Carry Mâltina and Dêstróyed it immediately😳😳😳😩😭😭😭😂😂,
...............

Dear reader💞💞
I might not know you❣️

09/03/2023

I was in my room last night when my neighbour
started screaming... "Help! Help! Snake ooo! "😳😳🙆

I ran to her room with a strong wood in my hand.
When I dashed into her room, I saw a very big snake facing my neighbour inside her
sitting room and other neighbours joined me with their heavy sticks.

We all started shouting, "Today is the end of your life, you evil snake!". I wanted to be a hero that night, so I first of all ran to the snake to hit it with my wood. It turned and faced us with red
eyes. Then, I said if I count 1 to 3, we should hit the snake at once which we all agreed. I started counting, 1...2....3 go! Then, Peeeeeeeem! NEPA seized the light and deep darkness covered the room.😂

Omo come and see stamped in the room,😂 the worst part was that non of us remembered where the door was located. My neighbors and I were just jumping haphazardly like reggae dancers on stage because we didn't know whether the snake was close by. Some people climbed chairs while some climbed the center table. Me I found myself on top of the fridge. We were just hitting one another with our sticks thinking it was the snake!😂 If somebody mistakenly touch another person a heavy wood will hit the person with immediate alacrity.😂😂😂

As I was standing on the fridge, few seconds later something soft touched my ankle!😂 Omo I didn't waste time in hitting the thing with my big stick! Immediately I heard cry in the room😂 Somebody was shouting "Jesus! My head oo! Who hit me?" It was then I realized that I had hit a human being.😂 I moved blindly forward to console the person then I mistakenly fell from the fridge and my hand touched something that looked like somebody's kneel! Almost immediately a heavy wood landed on my hand😂 I shouted "Blood of God who hit me" Papa Emeka shouted "Jesus Alex no vex na me, I think say na the snake touch me.😂😂😂

Few seconds later Nepa restored power supply and everywhere became bright again. I just left the room and the poor sneak ..