13/05/2025
Here’s something interesting to think about: a 2009 study by Canadian psychologists found that repeating positive self-statements can actually make people with low self-esteem feel worse. Statements like “I am lovable” or “I will succeed” just triggered more negative thoughts and internal pushback.
This shows how negative thoughts, like fear, are simply part of the human experience. So forget what you’ve read about “erasing” negative thoughts or “deleting” bad beliefs – that’s not how our brains work. Self-acceptance is what really matters, not self-esteem.
The goal should be to build new mental habits that can help balance things out. It’s kind of like learning a new language. You might become fluent in Spanish, but your native language doesn’t disappear. Both can coexist. And it’s the same with old and new thought patterns.
So, let’s stop viewing negative thoughts as the problem. The real issue is when we get hooked by them, tangled up so much that we get trapped.
There’s a simple, sustainable way to deal with negative thoughts: accept and defuse. Different methods work for different people, but the core strategy is to step back and see negative thoughts for what they really are – words in your head. Just because you think something doesn’t mean it’s true.
Defusing is about making this distinction clear in the moment. It’s about noticing, naming, and neutralizing the thought. So next time your inner critic says, “I’m not smart enough” or “I’m a loser,” try reframing it by telling yourself, “I’m having the thought that I’m not smart enough.” Because that’s all it is – a thought, not a fact.
Culled from "The Confidence Gap" by Russ Harris.