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Ugumamonjok.blogspot.com, Calabar (2025)

09/12/2022

*R E F L E C T I O N S*

*When you live your life without anyone betraying, hurting, disappointing, disgracing or offending you, then it means you never did anything worthy.*

*The beauty of life, is that it comes with disappointments and betrayals, from people you least expect.*

*Unfortunately, some of us spend so much time crying over these betrayals and disappointments, and end up becoming victims of all circumstances.*

*Remember one thing:* holding unto anger is like knocking your head on the wall and expecting the other person to feel the pain. You are only hurting yourself.*

*The fact is that the world is full of annoying, naughty, stupid and ungrateful people, and you will always come across them at one point or another in life. But the best thing to do, is to deal with them with wisdom and maturity.*

*You can’t get everyone to love you, think like you or behave like you... never.*

*We must learn to tolerate and overlook certain things, we must try to bury the faults of others and move on with life.*

*Anger, Hatred and Intolerance have caused most of the world's problems and solved none.*

*Life is short, you don't know how much time you have left*

*I beseech you to take the pain and forgive that special person you hold grudges against, and iron out your grievances.*

*Muster the courage and apologise to that person you have offended.*

*Life is not measured by the amount of money, houses or companies you have but by the positive impact you have made in the lives of others.*

*So learn to tolerate and forgive others...*
Merry Christmas to u all♥️❤️🥰

29/11/2022

*Lying For Love*

A very beautiful woman enters the shop of an Alhaji and asks him if the shop belongs to him...

Alhaji was seduced by the beauty of the woman and answered:

"Yes of course, it's my shop! And this is the smallest! I have 3 others! I also have 5 cars and 10 massive houses. And I have N150,000,000 in my account. In addition, I am free and I can get married again"...

The beautiful woman said:

"I'm delighted! My name is Fatima Jallo, Tax Officer" from Inland Revenue Service. Iam here for Tax assessment.

Alhaji replied: "I'm the biggest liar in the neighborhood, you can ask all my friends and neighbours.

Wallahi Tallahi, I am a very big liar!!!" Good evening my people, how una dey?
😄😄😄😄😄😄👍

06/11/2022

*JOKE OF THE DAY*

*A Nigerian mother was lucky enough to see her 4 daughters get married the same year, so after each wedding she told them*

*"Dont forget to text me your first night experience and text it in code"*
*....... after a week, the 1st daughter texted;*

*"UNION BANK"*

*The mother looked at the UNION Bank motto and it read "Big, Strong and Reliable" She smiled and waited for the other daughter.*

*The second daughter text read;*

*"NESCAFE"*
*The mother looked at a Nescafe tin of milk and it read, "Fantastic until the last drop!"*

*The 3rd daughter text read,*

*"BENSON & HEDGES"*
*The mother went to her husband's pack of Benson & Hedges ci******es and read the company motto, it read;*
*"Extra long, king size* "
*she was very impressed and said "not bad for their ages".*

*After the following week, the 4th daughter texted*

*ARIK AIR LAGOS TO ABUJA* ",

*The mother then called Arik Airways help desk to enquire about their Lagos-Abuja flight and they replied*

*"It's 4 times daily, 7days a week, and the flight duration is 45mins".*

*The mother fell down and shouted* .

*"igweeeeeeeee!!! This one will kill my daughter* ooooooooo!......... 😆😅🤣😃

17/10/2022

*DIVORCE GONE WRONG*

🤣🤣✍️🤣🤣

A couple was filing for a divorce in court,they both wanted to share the kids equally but unfortunately they had 3 children.👶👶👶

👩WIFE🗣️: Your Honour,I will go with two kids while he goes with one,I'm their mother and my children will not grow without the presence of their mum.😁😊

🧔Dennis🗣️: No Your Honour,I'm the one who's going away with two kids while she goes with one,I'm their father and I have to be present for my children.🤲😁

👨‍⚖️JUDGE🗣️: You both want to go away with two kids,what are we going to do now?.🤔

🧔Dennis and his wife👩steps out of the boxes and started whispering to each other's ears.🚶‍♂️🚶‍♀️🗣️👂

🕐Few minutes later, they smiled and said,
_• 🗣️"Your Honour,we've come to a conclusion that you should give us a year to come again with this matter,we want to make another kid so will be able to share equally" ⚖️🤝_

° 9Months later and they were blessed with Twins.🤰👶👶

```®️ Trouble continues! 🙆🙆🙆🙆```

Make we leave politics laff small
Happy weekend everyone

16/10/2022

"Stealing reduces a man"
..Never in my life have I met humans as civilized as the Japanese. They're the true resemblance of image of God.

During my first trip to Japan, a colleague from the US forgot his laptop at the park, of all places. We rushed back there and the place was closed for the day.

Everyone was relaxed except me and my friend. Even the taxi driver wasn't bothered. He promised to drive us there by 9:00 a.m. next day because Park opens 8.45 a.m.

He assured us we would get it back, that Japanese do not steal because stealing reduces a man.

That statement almost knocked me to the ground. This was 2012 not 1912.

I think anybody who is afraid of making heaven should visit Japan before dying because that's closest to the best humans can get to.

And that will give the person a picture of how organized heaven might be.

These are people who apologize because you heard the sound of their ringtone.

About 90% of Japanese leave their phones on silent mode so as not to disturb the next person.

They all have earpiece and are thinking of stopping having horns in cars because nobody uses it.

Long and short of the story is that we got there the next morning and the attendant took us to where we sat and behold the laptop was there.

It’s not by mistake that they are that prosperous. The gross mentality and personality of a people determines their level of wealth.

"Stealing reduces a man" - Can we just have this on a billboard in every open place in Nigeria, including A*o Rock.

Thank you."

• Copied

26/08/2022

Once the River became very proud of the tremendous flow of its water.

The River felt that I am so powerful that I can wash away everything with me -
the mountains, houses, trees, animals, humans, etc.

One day the River proudly asked the Ocean,
"Tell me, what should I bring for you ? Houses, animals, humans, trees, whatever you want,
I can uproot and bring with me."

The Ocean understood that the River has become egoistic.

He said to the River,
*If you want to bring something for me*,
*Uproot some Grass and bring it*.

The River said, "Is that all,
*I'll bring it right away*.

While passing through the field, the River exerted its full force on the grass, but the Grass did not get uprooted.

The River tried several times, but failed.

Eventually the River gave up and reached the Ocean and said,

"I can uproot trees, houses, mountains etc.

But whenever I apply force to uproot the grass,
it bends down and I have to pass from above, empty-handed."

The Ocean listened carefully to the River and said with a smile,

"Those who are hard and rigid like mountains and trees,
are easily uprooted.

But the one who has learned the humility of Grass,
cannot be disturbed even by the fiercest of winds or violent storms."

*Happiness in Life, does not mean fighting battles, but avoiding them*.

*To retreat skilfully is also a victory in itself, because Arrogance turns even Angels into Devils.*

*And Humility turns even an Ordinary Person into an Angel*.

*The Journey of the Seed is upto the Tree, the Journey of the River, upto the Ocean, and the Journey of Man is to the Divine*.

*Whatever is happening in the world is the law of Nature…*

*You and I are just Instruments*.

11/08/2022

A tourist went to Mexico and praised the local fishermen for the quality of their fish and then asked them?
How much time do you need to catch it? And the fishermen answered him in one voice:
"Not long"
He asked them: Why don't you spend more time and fish more?
The fishermen made it clear that their little catch would suffice their needs and the needs of their families!
He asked them: But what do you do in the rest of your time?
They answered:
We sleep late..
We fish a little...
We play with our children.
We eat with our wives.
And in the evening we visit our friends..
We have fun, laugh and chant some songs
The tourist interrupted:
I have an MBA from Harvard University and I can help you!
You have to start fishing for long periods every day..and then sell the extra fish for a bigger return
And buy a bigger fishing boat 00
They asked him: Then what?
He replied: With the big boat and the extra money..
You can buy a second and third boat, and so on until you have an integrated fleet of fishing vessels,
Instead of selling your catch to an intermediary, you will negotiate directly with the factories, and perhaps you will also open your own factory,
And you will be able to leave this village and move to Mexico, the capital, or Los Angeles or even New York!
From there you will be able to start your giant projects 00
The fishermen asked the tourist:
How much time will we need to achieve this?
He replied: About twenty or maybe twenty-five years 00
They asked him: What next?
He replied with a smile: When your business grows, you will speculate in stocks and win millions 00
They asked him in amazement:
Millions? Oh really ?
And what will we do after that?
replied:
Then you can retire
And live quietly in a village on the coast, sleep late..
You play with your children.
And you eat with your wives.
And spend the nights enjoying
with friends 00
The fishermen answered
With all due respect and appreciation
But that's exactly what we're doing now,
So, what is the logic for which we waste twenty-five years of misery?

09/08/2022

*MY FAMILY IS YOUR FAMILY....*

*A husband said to his wife:* I miss my family, my brothers and their children, I hope you will prepare lunch tomorrow, and I will invite them today, since a long time ago we did not meet.

*The wife said with a sigh:* God willing, it will be good.

*The husband said*: I will invite my family then.

The next morning, the husband went to work, and at one o'clock he came home, and said to his wife: Did you cook lunch? My family will come in an hour.

*And the wife said*: No, I did not cook; Because your family are not strangers, and they can eat what is in the house.

*The husband said*: God forgive you! Why didn't you tell me yesterday that you won't cook and after an hour they should arrive, what will I do?

*The wife said*: Call them and apologize to them, they are not strangers, they are your family.

The husband left the house upset, and after a few minutes, the door of the house was being knocked, the wife got up and opened the door and was surprised that her family, brothers, sisters and children were entering the house!

Her father asked her, "Where is your husband?"

*She said to him*: He left a little while ago.

*Her father said,* "Yesterday, your husband invited us to lunch with you today. Is it possible for him to decide for us and leave the house?"

The wife was stunned by the news, and began rubbing her hands, puzzled that the food in the house was not befitting for her family, but her husband's family.

She called her husband and said to him: Why didn't you tell me that you intended to have my family for lunch?

*He said to her*: My family and your family, there is no difference.

*She said to him*: Please bring ready-made food with you, there is no food at home.

*The husband said:* I am now far from home and your family are not strangers. Feed them from the food in the house as you wanted to feed my family...

*Moral Lesson: Do to others what you would have them to do unto you.*🙏🏽

03/08/2022

*FROM DPO TO GOVERNOR*

The new Divisional Police Officer of Kwale Police Station decided to go incognito into the town to sample the population on the use of drugs.
🐊
He asked a young man where he can find w**d to buy. The young man dashed in and out of his house and brings him a package, he tells the DPO, "Na the original and good one be this".
The DPO smells the w**d and asked him; "Do you know who I am?".
🐊
The young man answered, "No, why?
The DPO said: "I am the Divisional Police Officer!".
The young man exclaimed; Umuseti Kweke o! Only smell you smell am, naim you don become DPO, wetin go happen when you smoke am?, You go become the Governor nau..!!!
I don waka ooohhh

👹👹👹👹👹👹

29/07/2022

*ABALA PAANU KAN (JUST THE SPACE OF 0NE ROOFING SHEET)*

One person asked me what my business is with just one roofing sheet. I knew he was just impatient. He couldn’t fathom what the story line will be and he didn’t want to wait.

The first time I heard this story from an old man some years ago, it sounded like one of those tales from Arabian nights or those famous fables.
On hearing the story the second time from a rather more reliable source, I began to believe it and started seeing the lessons inherent in the story.

So here is it!

The setting was a small town somewhere deep in South West Nigeria. These small towns and villages usually have one church which is located on the outskirt. In these places, everybody knew each other.

One Friday morning a motley crowd of people, gaily dressed, had gathered in front of a story building. Traditional drummers and singers filed out of the building singing praises of Pa Samuel popularly called Saamu Alaso (Samuel the clothes merchant”. Saamu Alaso was arguably the richest man in Town. He had a flourishing business and vast investments in properties.

The musicians were followed by pall bearers carrying a very beautifully crafted coffin made of glass.

The family followed and the crowd completed the procession.

It was Pa Samuel’s funeral.
The procession grew as it snaked across town towards the village Church.

The Church Officials and Ministers were ready, they came out to receive the funeral procession.
As was the tradition, the coffin was first placed on a pall outside the Church while prayers were being said. The prayer session was half way through when some movement was noticed through the glass side of the coffin.The Pastor was informed. The Ministers of God communed and consulted quickly. By the time they were done, the “corpse” had started banging on the side of the coffin.

The people stood back astounded!

The lid of the casket was opened and Pa Samuel sprang to sitting position sweating.

An eerie silence pervaded as he kept shouting “Where is Gebu (Gabriel)” “Ah mo daran, Abala Paanu kan)”

The people were confused and didn’t get too close. But not his closest friend on earth Pa Gabriel. Gebu was a very poor man. Pa Gabriel calmed his friend down and asked him to explain.

Pa Samuel said he had got to the “Beyond”. He saw many houses. Some were beautiful. Some were not so beautiful. There were also the ramshackle and decrepit. There were mansions on one side.

Going by his status on earth, he expected his place must be one of the mansions.

And it was raining cats and dogs.

Saamu Alaso was ushered down the road to an uncompleted building with nothing but a single sheet on top. That was his place. He looked across the lane and there was a very beautiful mansion. He pleaded to be allowed to stay in the place. The reply shocked him!!! That edifice was reserved for his friend Gabriel who was still alive.

He requested to know why he was so treated.
When the village Church was being built, all the villagers contributed according to their capabilities. Pa Samuel refused to play his part. After a lot of pressure, he gave them a single roofing sheet.
According to the angels, Pa Gabriel couldn’t afford even half a roofing sheet but he joined the labourers throughout the building of the church.

Pa Samuel was sober and was ready to redress and make amends. He sent his son to run home and bring his cheque book. The young man dashed off.

Pa Samuel was given a chair and he asked for a glass of water. He drank the cool water and slumped.

Saamu Alaso died finally *without having a chance to right his wrongs.*

I see in Saamu a man with an opportunity to do good but flunked it.

Whatever position you find yourself, whether in Business, Politics, Governance of life in general, *always be good, right and just.*

Whether you will end up in a Mansion or under a shed with just one roofing sheet, in the rain, depends on what you sow today.

For as many as read this narrative, you may never have any opportunity to right the wrongs of today.

Lessons learnt?
Be and do your best in whatever position you find yourself and allow your conscience to tell you that you’re offering your utmost best.

Settle disputes with everyone who offends you.

Bear no grudge against anyone, however bad you may feel.

A single act could debar us from making it to heaven!

We shall *NOT* end up in hell, by God’s Grace.

Go out and make peace with all men.
God bless your hustling.

_Author unknown._

*Copied and amended.*

Ugumamonjok.blogspot.com

09/12/2022

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