27/08/2026
I was in a church one Sunday, and after the service, I noticed the young pastor’s wife wasn’t as cheerful as she had been earlier.
She was greeting people and smiling, but something about her was different.
So when things had quietened down a little, I walked up to her.
“Mama, are you okay?”
She smiled and responded. “I’m fine.”
I looked at her again and said… “You’re not fine.”
She laughed.
“Okay, maybe I’m not.”
We sat down for a little while, and she started talking.
She said,
“Sometimes I feel like everybody in this church is watching me.”
I asked her what she meant.
She said,
“If I wear something new, I start wondering what people will say.”
“If I make a mistake while making an announcement, I will think about it for the whole day.”
“If I don’t greet someone, even if I genuinely didn’t see the person, I’ll start wondering whether they will say I am proud.”
“If I laugh too much, I wonder whether someone will say the pastor’s wife is too unserious.”
“If I’m quiet, they’ll say I’m forming.”
She laughed.
“Honestly, sometimes I don’t even know how to behave again.”
I smiled and said to her,
“Mama, you have turned yourself into a full-time employee of people’s opinions.”
She laughed too.
Then I told her something I had to learn myself.
Most people are not watching you as much as you think they are.
You made one little mistake in church and went home thinking everybody was discussing it.
Meanwhile, Sister Ngozi was at home thinking about the food she was going to cook.
You wore a dress you felt was too flashy and spent the whole day wondering who noticed.
Meanwhile, somebody else was worried about her own dress.
You greeted someone and the person didn’t respond, and immediately you started thinking,
“Maybe she is offended with me.”
Maybe she didn’t hear you. Maybe she was distracted.
Maybe she was thinking about something completely unrelated to you.
We put ourselves at the center of stories that sometimes have absolutely nothing to do with us.
Of course, as a pastor’s wife, you should be mindful of your conduct.
People do look up to you.
You should carry yourself with wisdom and dignity.
But being mindful is different from being imprisoned by people’s opinions.
You cannot please everybody. You cannot control what people say. And you certainly cannot spend your entire life trying to prevent people from misunderstanding you.
Do your best. Have integrity.
Correct yourself when you are wrong. Apologize when necessary.
You are not under surveillance.
And please…
stop holding meetings in your head about conversations that haven’t even happened.
Sometimes the person you think is discussing you is actually wondering why her husband hasn’t called her back.
Live your life with wisdom, not fear.
Even if they’re discussing about you, it doesn’t matter, what matters is that you’re in good standing with God and that’s all the assurance you need.
Digital Ochiora
The Voice Of The Pastor’s Wife
