07/11/2025
Motherhood Came as a Blessing, But Felt Like a Burden.”.......Dinma
I spent seven years praying to become a mother.
Every month that passed without a positive test felt like a personal failure.
I cried through baby showers, avoided family gatherings, and endured the pitying smiles from relatives who whispered, “She’s barren.”
When the test finally showed two lines, I fell to my knees in tears. I thanked God. I promised to be the best mother in the world.
Everyone around me rejoiced, my husband danced, my mother cooked for the whole street, my friends flooded my phone with congratulations.
But the celebration faded fast, pregnancy wasn’t as magical as I’d imagined. I was sick, tired, swollen and scared. Still, I told myself it would all be worth it when I saw my baby’s face.
Then she came , my little angel, crying, helpless, innocent. I held her close, waiting for that instant connection everyone talks about.
It didn’t come instead, I felt overwhelmed, terrified, empty.
At first, I thought it was just exhaustion, but weeks passed and the emptiness grew heavier.
I loved her, yes but I missed me.
I missed the quiet mornings, the unplanned nights, the ability to rest without guilt. Every time she cried, something inside me broke not from anger, but from the realization that my life was no longer mine.
I tried to talk to my husband about it, but he didn’t understand.
“You wanted this,” he said softly.
And that’s what hurt the most — I did want it. I begged God for it.
But sometimes, what we pray for becomes the thing that humbles us.
Motherhood didn’t complete me the way I thought it would, it exposed me. It showed me how fragile I was, how little I had left to give.
I still wake up every night when she cries. I feed her, sing to her, and kiss her forehead. But there’s a quiet part of me that still whispers,
“I wish I had waited.”
I love my daughter deeply, but love, I’ve learned, doesn’t erase regret.
And sometimes, being honest about that doesn’t make you a bad mother it makes you a real one.
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