25/07/2026
Since everything that has happened over the past few months, I have found it difficult to even wake up and say, Thank You, Jesus. This is not who I used to be. Every time I try, a question rises in my heart: What exactly are you thankful for? Is it for the painful circumstances I have faced since the beginning of January? Or for the loss of my loved ones?
The hardest part is knowing that God showed me these things in dreams countless times. I fasted, I prayed, I cried, and I believed He would change the outcome. Yet everything still came to pass.
For a long time, I kept asking God, “Why?” But I also know that He is the Giver of life, and He alone has the authority to take it back. I understand that truth, yet my heart still struggles.
It’s like knowing something terrible may happen, trying everything you can to prevent it, and then watching it happen anyway. The regret, the questions, the “What ifs?” can be overwhelming. You keep wondering, If I sensed it would happen, why couldn’t I stop it?
My biggest question has been this: If God knew He would still take him home, why did He show me beforehand? Why did He lead me to pray and fast if the outcome would remain the same?
I may never fully understand the answer. Some things belong to God alone. But one thing I know is that He remains God, whether I understand His ways or not.
I was taught that in both good times and difficult times, we should praise His name. I won’t pretend that it has been easy, because it hasn’t. But I have realized that whether I thank Him or not, it does not change who He is. He is still God. He gives, and He takes away. His name is still worthy to be praised.
Throughout this season, one song has remained in my heart: “Jesus, in difficult times, I will praise Your name.” Many times I tried to stop singing it, yet everywhere I turned, I kept seeing the same message: Give thanks, even in your pain.
No, it isn’t easy.
Today, I am simply coming back to God to say, “Lord, I am sorry.” I questioned You because I was hurting. But who am I to question my Maker?
Perhaps You showed me those things because You loved me enough to prepare my heart, even though You did not change what was to come. I may never understand Your purpose, but I choose to trust Your heart.
So even through the tears, even through the pain, and even through the questions that remain unanswered, I will still say:
Lord, thank You.
All glory belongs to You.
Even in my pain, may Your name forever be praised.
