24/09/2025
Shadows of My Childhood
Chapter Two – First Lessons in Pain
My earliest lessons didn’t come from books or classrooms; they came from the sting of a hand, the weight of harsh words, and the silence that followed after. Pain, I learned, was not always loud. Sometimes it crept in quietly, in the way you’re ignored when you need comfort most, or in the way your tears are treated like an inconvenience instead of a wound.
I remember one evening, the sky swollen with the promise of rain. I had been playing outside with the neighborhood children, laughing in the dirt, my feet bare and my hands messy. For a moment, I almost felt like I belonged to the world outside, not the one inside the house.
But when I returned home, my laughter became a crime.
“Look at you,” came the sharp voice. “Filthy! Is this how a child is supposed to behave?”
Before I could explain, before I could even wipe my muddy hands on the back of my shorts, the slap landed. My cheeks burned, not just from the force of it, but from the shame. I wanted to disappear into the floor. The other children still had their laughter. I had my tears.
That night, I lay in bed, my face still hot, my chest heavy with a question too big for my small body: Why was I never enough?
At school, I would see mothers waiting for their children with food, smiles, or even just a gentle pat on the back. I watched them like a starving child watches bread in a glass case. My heart ached for something I didn’t even know how to name: tenderness.
Instead, I became familiar with fear. I tiptoed through the house, careful not to drop plates or speak too loudly. Every corner felt like a trap waiting for me to fail. Childhood should have been filled with discovery, but mine was filled with rehearsals—learning how to avoid punishment, how to hold my breath, how to swallow my words.
The first lessons I learned were not alphabets or numbers. They were these:
• Do not laugh too loud.
• Do not cry where anyone can see.
• Do not hope too much.
And yet, even in those early days, a small part of me refused to die. Somewhere beneath the bruises on my spirit, I still carried a spark. A fragile spark that whispered, One day, it won’t always be like this.
But that day was still far away. For now, I was only a child, and the shadows of my childhood had only begun their work.