06/04/2026
Let me say this!
When I see conversations like this, as a coach, it concerns me deeply. It is uncomfortable because I know the kind of impact it can have, especially on young girls and single women who are still trying to understand relationships.
They read these narratives and begin to draw the wrong conclusions.
They start to believe that something is wrong with relationships, something is wrong with marriage, or something is wrong with men.
From there, they decide it is safer to stay single and avoid it altogether.
But the truth is different.
From my experience working with many people, there is nothing inherently wrong with relationships, marriage, or men.
The real issues often come down to two things.
First, poor decision-making when choosing a partner. Many women do not take responsibility for the choices they make in selecting who they commit to.
Second, a lack of relationship skills.
If you look closely, even in friendships between women, many struggle to maintain long-term, healthy relationships.
How many can confidently say they have sustained a strong friendship for ten years? You see frequent conflicts, misunderstandings, and fallouts.
That points to a deeper issue. The skill of relating to others is missing.
Relationships require skills.
These include communication, conflict resolution, emotional intelligence, patience, forgiveness, compromise, negotiation, and kindness.
Without these, no relationship can thrive.
Yet many women enter relationships without developing these capacities.
Then expectations are built on the wrong foundation. Some believe that having children, cooking, cleaning, and s*x are what keep a man.
That mindset is still very common.
But let us be honest.
Having children does not sustain a relationship. If it did, there would not be so many single mothers. Children are a responsibility. They do not fix a broken foundation.
The real issue often starts earlier. A woman who does not love herself, respect herself, or value herself will likely make poor choices in a partner.
You cannot give what you do not have. If you have not built love, care, and respect within yourself, you have nothing solid to offer another person.
What you give in a relationship is an extension of what you have already given to yourself.
Unfortunately, many approach relationships from a place of need.
The focus is on finding someone to take care of them, rather than becoming whole and capable themselves. Then they try to āearnā love through duties like cooking, s*x, or having children.
That approach is flawed.
The real work is twofold. First, women must learn to build a healthy relationship with themselves.
That is where clarity, confidence, and better decision-making come from.
Second, they must develop the skills required to build and sustain a relationship.
Until these two areas are addressed, the cycle will continue.
The problem is not marriage. The problem is not men.
The gap is in self-development and relationship competence.
Ā©Coach Nkechi
Transformation Life Coach
Emotional Intelligence Coach
Personal Development Trainer
