Lily's stories

15/02/2026

Your environment prohibits your healing or helps your healing process is what am learning in this season.

There is a certain type of isolation you need for your healing process to grow and gain wings and weight and fortify itself in your core.

Everybody on social media talks about how you need people and you need to be around community and how you need to attach yourself to be mentored and things...not all advice is for you.

Sometimes the simple advice you need that is essential for your growth, is jesus, your own place to Stay in and your secret place with God. Thats it.

And from there healing grows long enough and fortifies itself long enough and then you begin to navigate through few people that you need. Emphasis on FEW PEOPLE.

But you see that vital isolation, people need isolation for healing. There is certain kind of detachment you need. From people, from monitoring, from rebuke, criticism, too many chaos , what is essential is just you, your place to stay and your secret place without outside influence.

So in essence what am saying is, people around you can stunt your healing process, people you are living with, people you hang around, people you associate with, Sometimes even the people you call "family, friends or helpers ".

Sometimes healing requires you to completely severe the cord from people around you and get a fresh identity rooted in isolation and jesus alone.

We are too attached to what is familiar alot of times that's why we struggle with our thoughts versus what people perceive of us and we plunge into "people pleasing and self preservation' that we loose ourselves in the process and we fail to heal.

Am learning alot in this season. What is familiar sometimes can be the very thing stunting your growth.

24/12/2025

THE HEALING PROCESS

Sometimes when you are trying to untangle yourself from a pattern, it's common to re-entangle yourself even more. You struggle to untangle and then you tighten yourself even more and get more frustrated and then you keep tightening yourself even more.

It takes sometimes someone to keep you in a place of mental rest, helps you un-tangle yourself patiently, and then as the person helps, you also spot and see clearly areas where you got intertwined and then ... An awakening happens, and then you loosen yourself and you are free.

So the healing stages.....
1. Supportive system: someone to help you.
2. Emotional regulation: you need to learn to re-regulate your nervous system to be at a level of trust and rest. Because prior to this, your nervous system was in fight or flight mode. So your nervous system has to learn to trust and rest and it will take work. But nothing worthwhile comes without some hard core work.
3. Awakening: When your nervous system regulates itself gradually, you see things clearly, you operate more definitively. You move differently.

Am learning that many are still in the re-entangling stages.
While many of us are trying to get their emotional regulation at a state of rest and detach from fight or flight mode.
While some of us are at the awakening stages already .

No matter what stage you are in..
Healing is a journey. Don't force yourself and push and pull. Just be patient with yourself and be committed to doing the work of healing.

As we round up 2025 soon, I wish you more tremendous healing in whatever stage you are in.

03/12/2025

26/11/2025

Something to consider...

18/11/2025

A BROKEN WOMAN HAS A JEWEL AND A CROWN SOMETIMES IS HARD TO BELIEVE

The bible highlights how the adulterous woman has cast her jewels to pigs. Meaning a woman who indulges in all kinds of things sold her jewels and her crown to pigs.

This is my own thoughts... Sometimes as women we don't even realize we have crowns or jewels we posses.

When training up a girl child, nobody ever tells you, well, from the African standpoint, nobody not even your parents even highlights to you rat you carry a jewel and a crown.

So your self esteem and self worth is quite low in that sense growing up and the core foundation of you being a jewel, when someone tells you, you don't even believe it because you were not raised that way.

And so you not being raised with that knowledge somehow gives room for brokenness and wrong choices.

And then you find yourself begin to cast your jewels and crowns to pigs and swines. They plunge your crown, they steal your light, they eat the very core of your essence and you are left depleted and sore. The world calls you shameless, broken, foolish, loose, used goods, and adulterous.

But the real truth is , from the beginning you never really knew you carried a crown and a jewel.

And sometimes when you don't know something, what erupts is you don't even know value of it.

One of these days, when we get to heaven, some of the questions I would like to ask God is why some of us raise our daughters the way we raised them?

It's very easy to throw stones at a woman because of her choices, but how was she raised? did the parents tell her she carries a crown and a jewel? Did they teach her how valuable she is? Did they increase the self esteem tank?

Or they just taught her how to cook, sweep and clean and not follow boys and get a good education.

Then every other things else, she is expected to figure it out?

An adulterous woman ... Has cast her pearls to pigs.... Did that woman even know she has a pearl? There is a difference between knowing it in your core and telling you words.

Sometimes I wonder,

Lord, why?

Some women just didn't know.
They didn't know.
They didn't realize they had pearls, maybe the realization was unfolding or maybe they were used to being adulterous that the reality of having a crown, a jewel, and a pearl and being that precious was too hard to believe .

Some reading this now would think am talking about adulterous as in... Wife cheating on husband only, yes that counts but adulterous isn't restricted to that.

Adulterous is simply as written here applies to all types of situations.... All types of scenarios where you lost your light, lost yourself or made a wrong choice.

It applies to both men and women too because men growing up are not even taught how valuable they are ... It's pretty much the same teaching, stay away from girls, don't cook or clean and just get a good education and everything else, figure it out for yourself.

May God have mercy on us all.

26/09/2025

There is a reason why God decided it should be a man and a woman.

There is safety there when the two come together. A man can be so full of himself with his guys and trying to uphold the standards of strength and masculinity but with a woman, the right woman, he can pull back the layers and take all the mask off and present himself real and authentic in need of safety and understanding.

Same with the woman, she can be all mouthy with her friends and all over the place with her ambitions and career and what not but with a man, the right kind of man, you see her laugh differently, you see her express herself differently, you see her find comfort and safety differently.

God knew what he was doing in making sure it's a man and a woman because the two when done rightly yields safety and healing.

The LGBTQ folks, in some ways I understand their anger and rage and choices.

It's because they didn't find safety. When they decided to do it the right way with man and woman, they were hurt, bruised, broken and crushed. And it takes a lot for a heart to heal after being crushed.

The heart either heals or morphs into a stronghold of resentment, hate, anger and rebellion.

And so I understand them, the LGBTQ folks. Satan thrives when there is a lack of safety and when the heart is hurt. When the heart is hurt, Satan has a glorious time fulfilling his agenda and doing what he knows how to do best.

Which is replicating the hurt done to you by doing it to others. Allowing you to hold on to hurt, making sure your heart stays grieved.

So when the LGBTQ Folks didn't find safety in relationships, what I mean by that is not just intimacy like relationships in terms of a partner, am talking even lack of safety with their own parents and friends and more inclusive of a partner...

Because you would be surprised how many of the LGBTQ folks came from a broken home. Not saying that is the only reason however, Some didn't meet their dad, mum might be alcoholic, they might have been s*xually abused as a child or r***d or dupped or harmed severely by a man or woman and so the end result of that is .... Am not safe with a man or woman so let's flip the script and do it within genders.

Human beings are meant to draw safety from one another, to find home in one another, to find rest in one another. There is a way God did it. He did it in a way you can lean on someone's shoulder and find peace. And find healing.

However many people's stories in relationships was more so a history of hurt, pain, grieve, abuse, shame, guilt which turned to anger and resentment.

And hurt is a very unique emotion because once it becomes a stronghold you would be surprised who you can transform to become.

Once the heart is hurt, lots of stuffs take place. You make wrong choices, you hurt people, you act out, you lash out, you reserve hatred, you almost become or are transforming to become a beast. You are gradually morphing into a monster full of hate (not judging, just highlighting sometimes the process of hurt and how it transcends into hurting other people and then eventually you become somewhat beast like in your mannerisms)

That's why am an advocate for healing the heart.

It takes time and effort when it comes to healing. But as a world, we need alot of healing. Healing from parental wounds. From family wounds, relationship wounds, friendship wounds, career wounds, love wounds, church wounds... You see that church wounds... Take it seriously.

We need to heal.

Healing is tearing apart all you have known and reconstructing a new version.

That's how healing of heart and soul wound feel.

It's never a one event, it's an ongoing event.
That's why men need to heal, women need to heal, children need to heal, families need to heal, our perspective on love need to heal, our friendships need to experience healing, our mindset needs to heal.

And healing is not, it has happened and am done.

Nope, healing is almost being dead and coming back to life.

When Jesus told them to loose Lazarus from his clothes. He was already healed instantly but there were still some things stuck to his face, stuck to his hands and legs, stuck to his stomach, back and body.

Some things are still stuck to our hearts, minds, of men and women. History of pain, mindset passed down from society, experience and parents etc.

We need to heal..

The devil is smart in making women hate men and men hate women. He knows he can thrive when these two genders hurt themselves through s*x, abuse, hurt, betrayal, wounds, lies, manipulation and deceit.

He knows that's how he can keep both genders bound in hatred and keep on fulfilling his agenda.

I hope we learn to tear down the hatred he is building and start building a monument of healing and spread it across the world with our manner of speech, attitude and the way we handle people.

Because it's really getting out of hand what is happening in the world we live in now.

17/06/2025

Something to ponder on with regards to marriage and love.

29/05/2025

TRAUMA AND ITS IMPACT.

Reposting it here because Facebook gave a deadline for deletion of Facebook live.

19/05/2025

THE OTHER SIDE OF REPORTING THAT CAUSES EMOTIONAL HARM

Typically the resounding theory is, the more I report someone to a higher authority, the more chances the person gets help.

Personally that is debatable for me. I see this alot with parents sometimes. You really don't want to put all cards on the table and ensure all cards are completely turned properly, then you run to an outside source to find validation to your theories of what that child needs.

Alot of times parents would say " oh the child needs exposure" Exposure is what the child needs to get right, that's my way of helping that child". But alot of times the heart posture of parents is not really to get help but seeking validation from an outside source for their perception of that child.

Heart posture counts when seeking change. When the heart posture of parents in exposure and reporting is wrong, then you essentially create more distance and resentment with that child than the help you think you are going to get.

One thing I found about children is that trust is earned. Trust is a process. Trust is worked at. This theory that we have a lot of times of trust being forced and demanded. I have a problem with that , I have a problem with alot of Nigerian theories. I just, there is alot of problems I have with the way we do things as Nigerians. It has almost become a culture of demand than building something gradually.

You demand for the child to open up, if the child doesn't, you shame and blast the child. Now you tell what form of trust is going to be formed there or am I the one thinking ballistic here?

And then when the child wants to handle it on their own and deal with their business since it's clear they can't get help or healing from you, then you proceed to blast that one too. And am like, wait a minute. Is this how you foster closeness? Is this how we show love? Is this what love means? Where we demand trust and transparency and then when we don't get it, we proceed to blast the person for keeping it to themselves?

Alot of our ideologies as Nigerians, sometimes I get very tired and frustrated. I get so frustrated that it becomes a thing where I psychologically feel that we are in a prison and the we are taught not to feel like it's prison. We are taught to accept the prison and see it as a way of life and if we don't accept it, then there is something physically wrong with us.

The last time I checked, love and trust is built upon routine check ups, the how are you's, the extending a hand and having long suffering enough to keep extending it untill a heart softens. And even if you want to back out because of the other party not receiving the hand, at the very least maintain the understanding at that level of the situation.

This verse on "do not provoke your children to wrath" sometimes I feel it's not talked about enough. It's not a license for children to behave inappropriately but it's almost like we disregard it and emphasize force and push and demands. And am like, on what grounds is that supposed to help.

Even your relationship with God, on what grounds was it forced and hammered down your head and pushed and pulled until you trusted him? On what verse or philosophy was that based on?

Are we not talking about love here? Is it not love we are talking about? How can you be naked and show scars when you show the scars and there is no understanding for the scars or a safe place for healing to take place?

I will never understand some of the things we do as Nigerians. It sometimes shocks me how we do it our way and then when we don't get the results, we get physically mad about it. And then we run to exposing the child because that's our last resort.

Safety will never be birthed on the grounds of trust being demanded and forced. Even marriage is not built on force and demand. Talk less of child relationships or closeness.

The more you physically create a distance, the more distance will be made. The more you do it your way of exposure, the more trust will go to - 0.

And both parties will never be satisfied.

03/04/2025

For the women and men who have experienced hurt in relationships whether it be personal, social or family wise.

This is for you.

Self forgiveness is crucial in healing.

And it takes time.

What's important is one step at a time and you must recognize your patterns.

Forgive yourself, heal, forgive yourself again, heal.

It's all about putting one foot in front of the other each day.

That's why when I talk about trauma and it's effect, it's crucial we pay attention to patterns.