15/09/2025
My guy, Tunde, invited me to his cousin’s wedding. Now, if you know Nigerian weddings, you know two things are guaranteed; jollof rice and wahala. I had no money that weekend, so when he said, "Omo, come, food go plenty," I didn't think twice. I ironed my best shirt, sprayed small perfume (the one that smells expensive but is actually ₦500), and followed him.
We got there, and as expected, food was flying left, right, and center. You know that kind of wedding where the servers act like FBI agents, scanning people before giving food? Yeah, this one was different. These people were just serving without questions. Fried rice, jollof rice, amala, goat meat, chicken, everything was entering my front like manna from heaven. I was eating with the confidence of someone that paid bride price.
Then, the mistake happened.
An old woman, probably the bride’s grandmother, came with a cooler of what she called "special soup." She gave me one wicked smile and said, "My pikin, chop well well." Now, in a normal situation, my brain would have asked, "What is inside this soup?" But greed did not let me think. I used one full wrap of fufu and dived into it.
Five minutes later, I started feeling warm. Ten minutes later, my stomach was making sounds like a generator with low fuel. Tunde asked if I was okay. I said yes, but my body knew I was lying. The moment I stood up to go outside, my stomach reset my destiny.
I ran. Not walked, RAN. I didn't know where the toilet was, so I just started looking for anywhere to land. Before I could find a place, my body was already making dangerous decisions. People were watching me like I was mad.
Long story short, I found a toilet just in time, but my my life had changed already. I sat there, regretting my life choices, thinking about my ancestors, and making promises to God I knew I wouldn't keep.
When I finally came out, weak and defeated, Tunde just looked at me and said, "Omo, you don learn?"
African Stories By Ezeh Daberechukw