05/09/2025
I am married to a military man and he is rarely at home, but each time he is, it’s always the best.
Luckily, that week, he had just returned from an assignment and was at home.
I went to the market to buy some items to make his favorite food, just as he wanted.
On my way back, this old man in a sleek, expensive car stopped me. He called me over.
I thought he was going to ask for directions since our street is usually busy, but instead, he started showering me with compliments.
He admired my shape, the color of my skin, and—believe it or not—even the shape of my ears. His eyes had really gone too far.
Then he landed the bomb: “I like you. Can I have your number?”
The audacity!
A man old enough to be my father asking me out? I was furious and slightly embarrassed.
It wasn’t even like I was immodestly dressed. I wore a simple, lovely gown, one my husband had bought for me.
I always wore his gifts whenever he was around. And you know my husband, he wouldn’t buy indecent clothes for his wife.
So what on earth gave this old man the guts to stop me and demand such nonsense?
I nearly told him I was married, but instead, I kept quiet and walked away.
But can you believe it? The man followed me! He kept driving slowly, matching my walking pace. I wasn’t about to start darting through side streets just to lose him.
I thought, If he has the guts to follow me home, let him come, I’ll gladly serve him a drink to relax this evening.
And guess what? The man followed me home!
When I saw he truly dared, I boldly invited him upstairs. I served him juice and went straight into the bedroom to explain everything to my husband.
Now, my husband didn’t waste time. He put on his full military uniform and stepped out.
The moment the old man saw him, his face turned pale. I can tell his spirit left his body for a few seconds.
But what shocked me more was my husband’s reaction. He welcomed the man warmly, offered him kola, and said with a straight face: “I got your message that you’ve come to ask for my daughter’s hand in marriage…”
You should have seen the man’s expression! Hand in marriage? I nearly burst into laughter.
He looked at both of us like he was trying to calculate how my husband could possibly have fathered me.
Then my husband began listing marriage requirements, and told him he must provide it in one hour, and marry me right there in our sitting room!
I couldn’t hold my laughter.
My husband announced, “Any man bold enough to follow my daughter home is man enough. Therefore, you shall do the needful.”
The man stammered, “I—I’m a married man! I just…”
“Oh, you’re married?” my husband cut him off, while I nearly choked from laughing in the corner. "Did you remember that when you were following her around?"
That was when the man realized the setup. He began begging desperately.
My husband told him he had wasted his time and demanded payment. "You have do do the marriage rites, your coming can't be in vain."
Oh! I could literally see the man's heart pounding in fear.
The man hurriedly pulled out some money and dropped it on the table. “I’m sorry. I acted foolishly,” he said, sweating like a goat in the sun.
His shirt was completely soaked.
Finally, my husband released him but returned the money. Then he warned: “I’ve recognized your face. If I ever catch you chasing after another woman, you’ll pay double. Go back to your wife."
The man bolted out of the house like his life depended on it. I didn't know he could run that fast.
That was when I exploded into thunderous laughter.
You needed to see his face, he truly thought his end had come! He would have married a second wife that evening.
Written by Iwuji Amarachi Judith
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