14/10/2026
THE GOOD MORNING TEST
Something as simple as saying “good morning” can show us quite a lot about our expectations of other people.
At Men’s Group we were talking about the difference between connection and attachment, and I shared how my father used to say good morning and expect a good morning back. I’ve worked with people who were similar too. If they said good morning and didn’t clearly hear a response, they’d say it again until they got one.
On the surface, that can look like basic manners, and there’s nothing wrong with teaching people to be polite. But there can also be something else going on underneath it. If I say good morning to you, but I need you to respond in a particular way before I feel okay, then I’m no longer simply offering connection. I’ve become attached to the outcome.
You can see it easily with kids, especially teenagers. You say, “Morning,” and get a grunt, a half-hearted noise or absolutely nothing back. The interesting part isn’t necessarily what they did. It can be noticing what happens in you when you don’t get the response you expected.
Do you instantly feel disrespected? Do you get annoyed? Do you push for a proper answer? Do you start making their response mean something about you, about them, or about the relationship?
That doesn’t mean manners don’t matter, and it doesn’t mean we never teach our kids how to communicate. It simply gives us another place to become curious. Am I offering something freely, or am I giving it with an invisible condition attached?
At The Healing Barn, we’re often interested in those ordinary little moments because they can show us what might be happening underneath the bigger reactions. Sometimes the situation itself is tiny, but the feeling it creates in us is much bigger.
So next time you say good morning and get little more than a grunt back, notice what happens in you before you decide what it means.
