09/08/2025
Over-explaining is often the echo of a childhood where being understood felt like survival.
Over-explaining is often a coping mechanism that develops when someone grows up in an environment where they felt misunderstood, judged harshly, or unsafe to make mistakes. In those situations, explaining everything in detail could serve as a way to:
👉🏻 Avoid conflict — making sure no one is upset or misinterprets them.
👉🏻 Preempt criticism — explaining every step to prevent being accused of doing something wrong.
👉🏻 Seek reassurance — giving extra details to be sure the other person “gets” them.
Example:
"Pwede ko nimo kuyogan ugma?"
"I wish I could, but I have this family thing and it's been planned for weeks. Maabot ako aunt from out of town, I already promised I'd help cook, and I can'y cancel or malain siya..."
-- pwede ragud unta "Sorry naa koy lain lakaw ugma"
This pattern is sometimes linked to childhood experiences such as:
👉🏻 Having overly critical, unpredictable, or easily angered caregivers.
👉🏻 Growing up in a home where mistakes weren’t tolerated.
👉🏻 Being in an environment where love or approval felt conditional on perfect behavior or performance.
When someone has been misunderstood too many times — especially in childhood — they learn to wrap their words in extra layers of explanation. Every detail becomes a bandage, an attempt to stop the hurt of being misjudged or ignored. The more afraid they are of being seen the wrong way, the more they pile on details, hoping that if they explain enough, there will be no room for misunderstanding. But often, it’s not about clarity — it’s about safety. Aron di lainon ug sabot.
So if you know someone over-explaining with TMI pa sometimes, let them. Paminawa lang or if di mo ganahan pasagdi lang. Better yet, assure them that it's ok not to give more deets, a simple answer would suffice.
The wound of being misunderstood bleeds in details. Sometimes, it’s not the love of talking — it’s the fear of being unseen. 🫣
