12/08/2026
Today, what started as a small digital release has reached readers across Asia, North America, and Europe — and is now available worldwide through Amazon.
And now, we’re approaching 200 copies.
I’ve been meaning to share this here.
A few months ago, I released my first book, “If I Said This Back Then.”
And even publishing it as an eBook took me a while.
I had a lot of back-and-forth with myself.
You know when the overthinking kicks in?
“Should I really put this out there?”
“Is this too personal?”
“Is this too heavy?”
“Am I ready for people to read this side of me?”
Because truthfully, it was TOO personal.
But somewhere underneath all that hesitation, I knew this:
If these words could help even one person feel seen, understood, or less alone in what they are carrying, then maybe they were worth releasing.
So I published it.
Carefully.
Nervously.
But with hope.
The plan was simple:
Just an eBook.
No physical copies.
No big launch.
No hundreds of books in mind.
Producing a physical book independently is not easy. I did not have a publishing partner behind me, and larger-scale publishing usually means committing to a much bigger print run than I was ready for.
So I told myself:
Start with what you can manage.
Let the words exist first.
Then people asked,
“Will there be a physical copy?”
One request became two.
Two became six.
Then twelve.
Twenty-seven.
Forty-nine.
Until I slowly realized that the book was becoming bigger than the fear I had when I first released it.
That still feels surreal.
Because behind every copy is a person who chose to spend time with words that once existed only inside me.
“If I Said This Back Then” is about pain, forgiveness, healing, and the things we carry quietly for far too long.
It is not a book that promises to fix anyone.
It was never written as a step-by-step guide on how to heal.
I wrote it hoping it could simply sit beside someone while they make sense of their own story.
To remind someone that forgiveness does not mean it did not hurt.
And that healing does not always happen loudly, quickly, or all at once.
So approaching 200 copies feels like more than a sales milestone to me.
Because this book almost remained a digital file.
Something personal that I was hesitant to let people read eventually became something people themselves asked to hold in their hands.
Still surreal.
Still grateful.
Still taking it one reader at a time. 🧡
“If I Said This Back Then”
The words I never said — and the healing I found after.