07/07/2025
𝗟𝗜𝗧𝗘𝗥𝗔𝗥𝗬 | GOODBYE, MY GREATEST LOVE ❤️🩹🥀
You're the fire that can ignite me, but can burn me as well. Loving you is like a wish, waiting to happen even just for luck, but bound to reach the destination anyway. Staying with you was like standing on a shattered glass. Walking away feels like a foolish thing to do knowing I was wrap in a rubber band that stretches each time I'm done with you, but no matter how I try to distance myself it always snaps me back to you.
"How would you write a goodbye letter for your greatest love?" That was Cath’s question, not my sister by blood but sister by heart. That question echoes in me everytime I ponder how to begin this farewell letter.
Ramdam ko ang pagguhit ng mga linya sa noo ko nang inangat ko ang ulo ko para tingnan siya. "Greatest Love?"
"Yeah, that's what you call someone na binabalikan mo pa rin kahit anong mangyari, ano mang sitwasyon, kahit gaano man katagal. Once na bumalik siya, you will lay all your cards on the line and fight for both of you... ‘Di ba ganon naman kayo?" She raised her brows and tilted her head.
"Doesn't it sound stupid, Cath?”
"It’s stupid kapag alam mong wala namang nagbago sa kaniya tapos binalikan mo pa siya. Kapag wala pa ring assurance, and all- how can you say na magtatagal kayo ‘di ba? Masasaktan pa rin kayo sa dulo muli." Mahina niyang tinulak ang kape sa harap ko.
She stared at me, "Write. Not for him. Not for anyone. But for yourself. Write all your unsaid thoughts, all your pain, and the love you never got to express for him. Ilabas mo lahat through that letter, and heal."
It was so hard to unleash the depths of my soul because healing these scars means unloving you and forgetting you. To bury the memories that we created as kids means erasing you from my life. I really don't know how to start this letter but I just want to remind you that I'm pouring my heart while writing this.
I guess those on-and-off years between the two of us were enough to show our cared and loved for each other.
The last time we tried to make it work. Baby, for the first time in my life never kong na-feel na may iba. You don't know how much kilig I felt when you were waiting for me outside of my house, and texting me just to say 'Painom.' and syempre I was nervous because I'm with Papa. Paano if makita niya tayo right? We were so young at that time.
I remember the moment I started calling you endearments like bebe and baby. That's when I knew Im so willing to fight for us. I didn't care if we broke their hearts. But, I guess it wasn't supposed to happen in that way. Hindi ko rin pala kaya. Every time na iniisip ko rin kung anong pwedeng kapalit. Napapaisip ako kung worth it ba talaga.
I guess our story ends here. I'm choosing to break the cycle na tuwing okay na tayo ulit, mag-uusap uli tayo tapos bigla na namang mawawala ang usapan. Then it happens again, same old story. You know what I'm trying to say diba? Still, kahit na ganon ang cycle natin before, just so you know, it brings excitement for me knowing na alam kong babalik ka sa akin. But, as we grow up and maturity hits us, baby, it became so tiring. It wasn't healthy anymore.
Hindi ko kailanman naisip na magsawa, pero nakaka-ubos din pala. Nandyan ka naman, pero hindi kita maramdaman. Maybe I was asking for too much. Maybe my walls are so strong and high that you can't even take a step. Maybe I wasn't easy to love as the girls you wanted. It feels like ako lang ‘yung may gusto nito, para bang ako lang ‘yung nagmamahal. Kasi alam kong kaya mo naman, nagagawa mo nga sa iba, eh. Bakit pagdating sa akin, nagdadalawang isip ka pa. If it's all in my head tell me now.
Because, baby, if you really wanted me in your life, I wouldn't have to ask you to treat me right. You wouldn't leave me confused. You would meet those standards. No room for wandering eyes when I'm not around. You will give me clarity by your intentions. But, I guess you're not ready to be a better man for me.
We tried our best to make it work, but we have to accept that we can't go back to each other like nothing happened. We can't pretend that everything is still the same.
You were such a big part of my childhood. It was a roller coaster feeling. Those years brought me so much joy and memories with you, and I guess ganon ka rin. Running back to you feels like home in a nostalgic way. My love for you is louder and stronger than any chaos and pain that we faced.
You were my first in everything. My first crush. The first person I chased and poured my love into. The first guy I'm willing to take a risk. The first who taught me all the lessons that became my stepping stones in life. My very first heartbreak.
Baby, you are now free. Letting you go is probably the greatest pain and hardest decision I've ever make. But I think this is the only way to make our journey better.
My love for you was real. It was never for a show and competition. Wasn't meant to prove anything and not a puppy love. It didn't ask for anything in return, and it was never a momentary feeling. It was pure, selfless, genuine, and all it ever wanted was to choose and support what makes my baby happy in every decision that he made.
Because if you were a language, you would be the first word I ever learned, and the last word I would utter until it slips through my lips and forget how it sounds.
My prayers will forever hold you when my arms no longer can. Goodbye, my greatest love.
Written by Avhegail Macapagal
Copyread by Amber Domingo and Karille Joi Doctor
Graphics by Precious Cassandra Ciruelos
