14/04/2026
Teaching “Not Available”
(ABA-Style Guide for Parents)
Goal:
Help your child stay calm and accept when something they want is not available right now (e.g., no iPad, no candy, toy is broken, etc.)
STEP-BY-STEP TEACHING PLAN
STEP 1: Start EASY (Set Your Child Up for Success)
Begin with situations where your child is less likely to get upset.
Example:
● Ask for something you know they don’t strongly want
Script:
“Oh… it’s not available.”
👉 Immediately follow with a better option:
“But you can have this instead!”
Give something they like right away (reinforcer)
WHY: Your child learns that hearing “not available” is not scary—good things still happen.
STEP 2: Pair “Not Available” with Alternatives
Now start using it in real situations—but always offer a replacement.
Script:
“iPad is not available right now.”
“You can choose: coloring or blocks.”
👉 Let your child choose (this gives control!)
TIP: Show the choices visually if needed
STEP 3: Teach the RIGHT RESPONSE
Teach your child what to do instead of crying or getting upset.
Target behaviors:
● Saying “okay”
● Waiting calmly
● Choosing another item
Model it:
● “You can say: okay”
● “Nice waiting!”
Reinforce immediately:
“Wow, you said okay! Good job!”
Reward:
● Praise
● Hugs
● Small treat
● Access to another preferred item
STEP 4: Practice with SMALL Disappointments
Now gently practice with things they slightly want.
Script:
“Cookies are not available.”
“You can have crackers.”
Watch closely and respond FAST
STEP 5: Slowly Increase Difficulty
Gradually use “not available” for:
● More preferred items (iPad, favorite toy)
● Longer waiting times
Go slowly—don’t jump too fast!
HOW TO RESPOND (REAL-LIFE SCENARIOS)
If your child accepts calmly:
BIG reinforcement!
Say:
“That was amazing! You stayed calm!”
“I’m so proud of you!”
Give:
● Preferred item
● Attention
● Extra playtime
If your child hesitates but doesn’t meltdown:
👉 Prompt gently
Say:
“You can say okay.”
“Let’s choose something else.”
Reinforce even small effort!
If your child cries or tantrums:
Stay calm and neutral
Say (minimal words):
“It’s not available.”
DO NOT:
● Give the item (this teaches tantrums work)
● Add too many explanations
👉 When calm:
Say:
“Nice calming down.”
“Now you can choose.”
Reinforce calm behavior (NOT the tantrum)
If behavior escalates (throwing, aggression):
👉 Keep safety first
Calm, firm voice:
“I won’t let you hit.”
👉 Reduce talking
👉 Wait for calm moment
👉 Then reinforce calm
HELPFUL TOOLS
✔️ Visual supports (pictures of choices)
✔️ First-Then language:
“First no iPad, then blocks”
✔️ Timer:
“iPad not available now, later after timer”
✔️ Consistency (VERY important!)
PRO TIPS (ABA STRATEGY)
✔️ Practice when your child is calm (not during meltdown)
✔️ Always teach a replacement behavior (don’t just say no)
✔️ Reinforce the behavior you WANT
✔️ Stay consistent—mixed responses = confusion
SIMPLE SUMMARY FOR PARENTS
👉 Say “not available” calmly
👉 Give another option
👉 Teach child to say “okay” or choose
👉 Reward calm behavior
👉 Stay consistent even during tantrums
