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Ajebo Writer, Ikeja, Lagos (2025)

23/09/2025

My boyfriend’s family has a habit of borrowing my things and never returning them — and the funny part? My boyfriend never seems to mind.

From day one, I should have seen the red flags 🚩🚩🚩but well, love is blind

On my very first visit to their house, his mom admired my necklace.

When we got home, my guy said, “My mummy really likes your necklace. She has a party coming up and asked if you could lend it to her.”

Me, innocent and respectful, I agreed. She wore it… and till today, necklace otilor.

Second visit, his elder sister eyed my designer bag. Next thing I heard: “Twinnie, all my bags are old o. I’ll just carry yours to this reunion I’m attending.”

Me, twinnie, someone that is older than me with almost 6 years.

Again, my man nudged me to give it to her, promising to return it. I handed it over… and well, never saw it again.

I kept quiet. I didn’t want to look like I was making a fuss.

Then one day, I wore one of my favourite, original, expensive human-hair wigs. His younger sister asked, “Is this your hair? and she knows it’s not cos she has seen my natural hair before

I said, “No, it’s a wig.”

She said, “Let me see it. Give me.” Before I could react she snatched it from my head and ran away, laughing like a mad woman

Her mom, sister and my guy were there so I couldn’t react. I just forced myself to smile and sat down instead of chasing her down and strang|ing her

Hours later, when it was time for me to leave, she was nowhere to be found.

I told my guy, “Your sister is not back with my hair o.”

He said, “Ah, that one… she’s not coming back. She went to her boyfriend’s place and won’t come till tomorrow.”

I was shocked. “How can she just take my wig and leave without telling me?”

He laughed and said. “That’s how she is. Don’t worry, I’ll get it back.”

I reminded him that he had made this same promise many times and never fulfilled it. Instead of admitting fault, he got angry and accused me of being “disrespectful over ordinary hair.”

We had a huge fight and stopped talking.

His mother later called me: “So you’re fighting my son over hair? It’s fine, come and collect it.”

After two weeks o!

I apologized and told her it wasn’t about that at all, that the sister should just keep it. To keep the peace, I went back, begged my man, and we reconciled.

Fast forward. Me, I love parties, I love dressing up for owambes. My office was hosting a party, so I ordered a ready-to-wear outfit from on Instagram. As usual, they delivered on time, perfect fit, exactly as advertised.

As I was admiring myself, his mom walked in. The moment she saw the dress, she said: “Wow, this is my size o.”

I laughed it off: “No ma, it’s not.”

She insisted: “It is! We’re almost the same size. I like it. Give it to me. I want to wear it to church this Sunday.”

This time, I smiled and stood my ground: “I’m sorry, ma. I can help you order one, but I can’t give you this particular piece because I have a party this weekend.”

She squeezed her face: “It’s like I’ll find my son another woman. You’re too proud and stingy.”

“Me? Stingy?” I asked. I reminded her I had given them everything they’d ever asked for. But, because of one dress I’m stingy?

Next thing, she switched from 0 to 100 and shouted; “Yes! Over my dead body will my son marry a stingy woman. If you can’t give me ordinary cloth, imagine what you’ll stop my son from giving us when he marries you.”

I calmly replied: “Mama, this isn’t ordinary cloth. I can’t give you this one.”

She hissed and left.

Few minutes later, my boyfriend called, screaming: “You disrespected my mummy over ordinary cloth!”

I said, “Your mom insulted me after all I’ve done. She called me stingy.”

He asked, “What have you done?” Then he gave me an ultimatum: apologize and hand over the dress, or the relationship is over.

Without hesitation I said, “It’s over then.”

He was shocked. He accused me of wanting to ruin years of love because of cloth.

But I told him: “I’d rather stay single than marry a mummy’s boy who has no respect for me. His mom is supposed to give, not collect from me and I’ll not hand over my Houseof_Kate ready-to-wear timeless piece just to date you.”

He said, “Oh, so this is your true colour? Wicked and materialistic. You’re letting a two-year relationship die because of cloth?”

Materialistic indeed! This is a guy who has never bought me pant or bra. Every single thing his family collected and never returned — he never replaced. But somehow, I’m the materialistic one.

And just like that, we broke up.

One month later, he is back. He wants us to reconcile but on one condition: I should apologize to his mom and order another ready-to-wear piece from for her and his sisters.

I sent him their WhatsApp number: +234 816 778 1985 and told him to order it himself and blocked him.

Affliction will not rise a second time and my parents didn’t raise a fool.

Did I do anything wrong, or did I just dodge a bvllet?

(PS: If you love the outfit that caused World War III, DM on IG or chat WhatsApp: +234 816 778 1985 — they deliver nationwide & worldwide.)

The End

Ajebo Writer

©️Kingdavid Chinaeke Ofunne

22/09/2025

I know people will judge me, but this is my truth.

A friend reached out and asked if I could decorate an apartment for a surprise proposal, her sister’s fiancé was planning to pop the question that weekend.

I said yes immediately. I was still a small business owner, hungry for referrals and opportunities, and I felt grateful she thought of me.

I poured my heart into the setup: arranging candles and flowers, stringing balloons and lights across the ceiling until the room looked like a romantic paradise. Friends and family slipped in quietly, hiding in corners, waiting for that perfect moment to shout congratulations.

When everything was ready, he walked her in. Hands trembling, he pulled out a velvet box from Glittering Jewels containing the engagement ring. Then he knelt, and asked her to marry him.

Immediately everyone started shouting; “Say yes! Say yes! Say yes!”

She froze. For a heartbeat, she looked shocked and I don’t know if it was me but she looked scared too. Before anyone could process it, she shook her head, whispered no, and ran out.

The room went silent. No one knew what to say. I watched him stand there, still holding the ring, as if he couldn’t quite believe what had just happened.

Thank God he already paid me in full because at that point I wouldn’t have known how to ask for balance or worse payment, if I hadn’t requested for my full money first

After everyone left, I stayed behind to help him clear up. He looked like someone who had lost a piece of himself. I didn’t have the right words, so I just stayed, quietly packing balloons and stuffs, letting him breathe.

I noticed the ring — beautiful, elegant, timeless — and the branded box. Glittering Jewels. Packaging 100%. I made a mental note to check them out later.

Later that night, I called to check on him. Just a simple, “Are you okay?”

That single call turned into two, Two became late-night conversations. Soon we were talking about everything, from heartbreak, life and silly little things that made us laugh. We swapped stories, shared old wounds, encouraged each other. Friendship crept in, quiet and unhurried.

Weeks became months. Our conversations grew softer, warmer. We shared inside jokes, argued over music, recommended books, debated which food was best and which one was trash. Sometimes we stayed on the phone for hours, laughing about nothing.

He healed slowly, and somehow I became part of that healing.

One evening, he asked if we could meet for dinner, just us. That was the night I saw a different side of him… kind, warm, confident.

A year later, he led me back to that same apartment. The lights were low, like that night long ago, but there were no hidden guests. Just us. He took a deep breath and knelt in the very spot where his heart had been shattered.

Only this time, his eyes were steady, full of love — for me.

I said yes through tears. And in that room, where one love had ended, ours began — tender, alive, real.

He gave me a different ring, also from Glittering Jewels. It sparkled and fit perfectly as though it had been waiting for my finger all along. When the lights were turned off, it shone like a Diamond in the sky. Quickly I saved their number; +234 905 465 8003

But like every love story, not everyone was happy.

My friend was furious. She said I’d betrayed her trust, stolen her sister’s man, broken their relationship. She swore she’ll spoil my name and business, and promised to tell the world I seduce and sleep with my clients.

Mutual friends called, speaking of “sister code.” They said I’d crossed a line, even though I hadn’t known her sister before that day.

Then the sister herself reached out, accusing me of stealing her man and threatening to scatter our wedding.

I chose not to reply because I knew the truth. I hadn’t stolen anyone. We had built something carefully out of pain, step by step, with respect for the wreckage behind us. Nobody had a right to judge or criticize that.

Two years later, we’re still married.

Looking back, I see how life sometimes writes its own scripts… messy, unpredictable, full of turns you never imagine.

Love doesn’t always arrive wrapped in perfection. Sometimes it grows from broken places, betrayals and even pain. Sometimes it’s born not from first sight, but from first flight, and against every odd, it becomes home.

The End

Ajebo Writer

©️Kingdavid Chinaeke Ofunne

20/09/2025

Mama is the talkative compound cleaner that comes thrice a week and is always in everyone’s business

She’s either with the g*teman gossiping or one of the maids in some of the other flats, complaining and whispering

I was shocked when I saw her with the security guard in the next compound, gossiping too.

Other times you will see her with the traders that sell in stalls outside the estate or hawkers, whispering and talking. Me I’m always minding my business so I’ll just greet and pass.

One day, as I drove in from the mall with my shopping bags, she immediately rushed and attempted to assist me

I declined immediately but she insisted and almost forcefully grabbed one of the bags out of my hands

Next thing she started telling me about her family problems

She kept me for over 20 mins and finally told me her son can’t go to school because of school fees, 15k, and also they can’t even afford to pay the mandatory 10k for his text books

I asked how much she has so I can support

She said 2k

I laughed then I transferred 30k to her and gave her one banana bread because I bought two

She jumped and danced and prayed and almost rolled on the ground for me

Thank God nobody was outside. I quickly went inside

Two days later, I was about driving out when the g*teman came to me and greeted me

I replied then he started telling me that his children have not eaten for two days and he is even scared to go home because he doesn’t know what will meet him at home

He started crying and I was so touched, I asked for his account number and transferred 10k to him, then told him to see me when I come back so I can give him small foodstuffs because I live alone and have enough

I couldn’t concentrate at work throughout that day, as soon as I got back I gave him small rice, garri and beans and he was so grateful. I even gave him some of my old clothes and the joy he expressed was enough for me

The very next day, few minutes after I came back from work, I heard a knock

I opened and saw the maid working for one of the neighbors upstairs. She started crying and told me her mother is sick and they don’t have money to send her to the hospital

I was stunned

What’s going on?

Then she said please, she heard I help people and I even gave mama and the security huge amount of money. She pleaded that I should help her too

“What about your employers?”

She said they are wicked people and hardly pay her

I have already spent 40k ontop charity in the space of 3 days. I transferred 5k to her and she immediately screamed and hugged me then quickly ran back upstairs

I was too confused to be upset so I decided to drive out and just stay away for a few days

As I drove out of the compound, I saw someone waving at me to slow down, I looked closely and realized it was the security guard of the next compound

I rolled my glass down and he ran up to me

“Oga, good evening sir.”

“Good evening baba, hope no problem?”

“Sir, I never chop since yesterday, abeg, you….”

I just zoomed off

“Mama… Never again!”

The End

Ajebo Writer

©️Kingdavid Chinaeke Ofunne

19/09/2025

Decided to try out this cooking gig women have been using to cash out

All my female colleagues are now updating their WhatsApp status

Oha and Vegetable soup available

Afang available

Catfish pepper soup and egusi with chicken, available

Me, I can cook for Africa

My ex'es can attest and testify

And with the economy inside Jagaban’s agbada, man needs money so I decided to channel my inner Chef Baci and monetize my God giving skills

I started cooking and updating pictures of different pots of chicken stew, spaghetti and soup

One day one of my WhatsApp contacts contacted me

One old flame that never gave me greenlight when I was chasing her

She said I should cook egusi and afang soup for her

I charged her with annoyance and revenge for all the times she rejected me

I told her one pot of soup is 25k, two will cost her 50k

She begged that she doesn't have money

I said, "Ha, I don't do business like that o. Wait till you have money." You don’t have money yet you’re rejecting a King… broke girls and pride

She started begging that she wants to eat good food, and mine looks very delicious

I said, "Madam, good food na money k!ll am ni"

She said, Ah ah, she's a young lady nah, why am I calling her madam. Isn’t there something she can do?

My antenna stood immediately
See greenlight

I replied, "well, well..."

She said it's fine I can say it she won't get offended.
So, I said, “well, I can collect cash or kind…”

She said which one is kind?

I say marathon segz per night for each pot of soup. One soup, one night!

She said no wahala, she’s game

Omo, just like that?

She said yes, that she used to like me back then but she didn’t want to appear cheap so she expected me to pursue her more but I gave up easily

Ahhh… sharply, I jumped out of bed & rushed to the restroom to shave. I shaved everywhere clean. Even the small mustache I was saving for beard gang, I shaved it so it wouldn't be a hindrance when I'm licking her plate

She texted that since it's all night marathon for two days, I should please branch by the market and buy the ingredients and come that she only have Garri

I brought out my atm card and drove straight to the machine, withdrew and entered market

I even got her semo Incase the garri was not enough

She texted again that I should come quick so we can start knacking early after eating

I drove there, Fast and Fully Erect

Only for me to spend three and the half hours cooking and sweating while she just walked around with only wrapper, smiling and taking fish here, meat there, ponmo here

But the end justifies the means so I didn't mind that she didn't even assist me. I go shift somebody's daughter's waist today.

I prepared my best dish that day. Omo as I finished and tasted it, I couldn't believe I made it. Hilda Baci g*t nothing on me

It was time! I was hungry but I was hornier besides after eating her, I planned to eat half of the food I prepared and hide some & take home

She came out and said I should strip naked while she goes into the bathroom to freshen up for me

Suddenly, I'm naked and erect, my preeq was the longest & hardest I’ve ever seen it. I jumped on the bed & spread like butter

Next thing I know, the door bursts open and one wrestler looking man barges in with machete from no where shouting

He looks at me, shouts and strikes the ground with the machete

I freeze on the bed. My er****on disappeared immediately and my preeq became as soft as air

Babe comes out crying, begging the man that she can explain

He said, "Not again, see what you make me do everytime!"

In my confused state I kept thinking in my mind, do what everytime?

She said, "Please don't unalive this one too, the last one was too heavy to dispose and this one is bigger."

Eh, immediately I jumped out of the window with my clothes in my hands leaving behind the rest of the clothes I planned to wear the following day

I Ran naked to my car screaming and drove home like a mad man

After shaking and trembling for 30 minutes non-stop and lying to my neighbors that I was almost kidnapped, I became calm enough to view my WhatsApp status

See aunty and man eating my pot of egusi soup and afang soup while she is wearing my designer teeshirt

Couple goals was the caption

They were Vibing to Burna boy music and feeding themselves with my semo

They set me up!!!!

Ahh.. my heart started doing gbim gbim. Ahh… women eh! Quickly I sent her a message sweating for her.

Your relationship will crash like the naira, you and your man love life will sour like spoilt and rotten food

Next thing she blocked me

I off cloth, naked, and ran to my bathroom to swore for them

That's how my cooking side hustle ended with my very first customer

Women in Lagos are not trustworthy!

The End

Ajebo Writer

©️Kingdavid Chinaeke Ofunne

18/09/2025

I needed physical cash desperately so I drove into the first bank I saw around agege and strolled into the bank premises, with the intention of using the ATM.

Luckily, the ATM was deserted. No queue, just some rough looking individuals outside the premises, smoking w**d under the scorching sun and drinking action bitters openly with red eyes

I almost walked away thinking the machine isn’t working but I decided to just give it a try. I also knew I was taking a chance withdrawing here instead of going inside but I was in a hurry

So, I stayed alert because this is agege after all, anything can happen in a flash!

To my surprise and excitement the ATM worked

The sound of the money coming out blessed my ears and as I turned to leave, a middle aged woman approached me

I panicked, as I assumed she was about to beg me because she didn’t head towards any of the other ATMs. Instead, she approached me directly with a confused look on her face

“Good afternoon sir, please can you help me with my card? I don’t know how to operate the machine

I was relieved in an instant. I smiled and asked her how much she wanted to withdraw

She said ₦10,000, then handed me her card

I inserted the card, and after she inputed her PIN, I initiated the transaction.

The screen immediately displayed, “Insufficient balance”

I looked at her, she apologized and said I should try ₦5,000

I tried ₦5,000

Same thing, insufficient balance

She now suggested we try ₦1,000

In my mind I was like, Omo, people are really suffering in this country

So, I tired again

Insufficient balance!

I now ejected the card and gave it to her but she refused to collect it.

She now said, “Sir, please, help me with anything. You have seen the evidence that I don’t have any single money in my account. I and my family have not eaten since yesterday.”

I was shocked

I just stood rooted to the spot looking at her

“Madam, so you intentionally came out with your ATM card, knowing you don’t have any money, just to beg?”

Next thing she knelt down and started crying and begging

She held my trousers and was seriously begging with tears flowing like a river while refusing to collect her card back

I looked around, I noticed the rough looking boys with w**d and spirit were already looking at us suspiciously. Even the bank security guards were staring openly

I quickly calculated. This woman might turn this thing around because the scene wasn’t looking favorably for me

I’m holding her ATM card, spotting an earring and dressed casually with dark shades on, while she’s on her knees begging and crying

Immediately, I gave her 1k from the amount I withdrew before these people will think I’m robbing her or I have already emptied her account and decide I’m the cause of their problems and suffering.

To my shock she shook her head and refused the 1k and said I should add to it that it’s too small

Omo, I would have laughed under different circumstances. So, I added another 1k and made it 2k. In my mind I was like, if she refuse, then if I d!e, I d!e!

She took the money, stopped crying immediately, and said, “Na wa o, 2k inside this plenty money you carry and I still kneel down for you. Abeg, help me stand up, knee dey pain me.”

I was stunned

“Uncle help me na, you deaf?”

I moved like I wanted to hold her hand and help her up, then, quickly, I snatched my 2k from her hands, the force knocked her down flat on the ground, then with the speed of Usain Bolt, I ran to my car opened and jumped in

To my shock and horror the woman started shouting, “Ole, Ole!”

“Ole, ontop my own money?!”

Before the boys and the security guards will jump up, I have entered my car and zoomed off, fast and furious style!

I got home and realized I still had her ATM card. I threw it in a f!re and watched it burn.

Lagos

Ajebo Writer

©️Kingdavid Chinaeke Ofunne

16/09/2025

Today, I planned to Netflix and chill all by myself but first I decided to get fuel so I don't get surprised

I met Anita, my next door neighbor outside, washing, so I greeted her and made a remark about the weather, she smiled and replied then I noticed she was on a call so I apologized for the interruption and went about my business

The second I walked back in with the fuel, I noticed Anita waving frantically at me

I quickly walked to her and she then she made a weird request.

She pleaded with me to talk to her boyfriend on the phone

I was confused over her request, she saw my reaction and explained nervously that when I greeted her she was on call with him and he's a jealous type so he just wanted reassurance that she's really in her compound and we're just neighbors

WTF!!! Reluctantly I agreed and took the phone from her

"Hello," I spoke on the phone

"Good morning chief, I'm Segun, Anita's boyfriend. May I meet u pls?"

“May I meet you?”
What the hell? I thought. I looked at Anita & I felt pity for her not anger and honestly, I caused it, sebi I’m forming good neighbor when I should have just minded my business when I saw her.

"Good morning Segun, I'm Kingdavid, Anita's neighbor.

"Please David, don't take this the wrong way but how do you know my girlfriend?"

I paused

"Kindavid not David." I replied

"Sorry, I don't understand." He said

"My name is Kingdavid not David." I repeated

"Oh, I'm sorry sir. Okay, kingdavid sir how do you know my girlfriend." He asked

"Kingdavid not sir." I repeated calmly

There was silence then he spoke

"Okay Kingdavid, please Anita said you are her neighbor, please how do you know her?"

"I don't. Like she said we're just neighbors." I struggled to maintain my composure

"But how come I've never seen you before. I know all my girlfriends neighbors."

"No, you don't." I told him

"Who else don't I know?" He asked with genuine concern

"Me." I replied

"Please, don't take this the wrong way, I am not saying you are lying but it's my baby I don't trust. Please, what's your apartment number and can I see a picture of you?"

I hung up and gave the phone to Anita.

"I'm so sorry, my boyfriend is the jealous type. He's a very nice guy. Please what did he say?" She asked, smiling nervously

I ignored her and started walking to my house

She followed me and started begging, asking me to forgive her that she didn't mean to upset me

I actually felt pity for her so I stopped and told her to forget about it.

Then she began asking me if it's normal for a guy to love his girlfriend like that and if I'm like that.

I told her it's abnormal and there's a thin line between love and obsessive need to control, and I'm afraid what her boyfriend is exhibiting isn't love but the former. I didn't hold back, I told her she's dating a pyscho.

We had a very long conversation and in the end, she cried and told me she was sick and tired of him and was going to break up.

"Look at me Kings, take a good look at me." She turned around and gave me a view of her body.

"I'm a spec," she continued. "I'm a career woman, a graduate, first-class from Unilag. I'm paying my own rent, I take care of my bills. I don't depend on a man for anything. A lot of guys will give anything to date me, why am I allowing one man to treat me like trash?" She asked me

After about 30 minutes of heart to heart conversation she promised to end things with her boyfriend and swore she was going to raise her standards and expectations and start loving herself more, then she hugged me and left.

As soon as she hugged me, my preeq stood. I told myself to wait a few days.

I was genuinely happy for her. I’ll let her cry for like two days then I’ll shoot my shot. Excitedly, I walked into my room & continued from where I left off.

30 mins later, I heard a soft knock on my door. I opened it & Anita was standing outside, looking absolutely beautiful and hot.

She had showered, wore make up & looked segzy in her black, short gown that highlighted all her curves.

"Anita, you're back, hope no problem?" I smiled

"Emmm, Kings, no, no problem at all. Please, don't be offended but are you alone?

"Yes, yes I'm alone. I've been alone since morning, and I'll be alone throughout today." I explained

"I have a small favor to ask you." She asked shyly

My smiled widened

"Anita, go ahead and ask anything, anything at all, just ask. I g*t you."

"Thank you Kings." She smiled and avoided my eyes. "Okay, please my boyfriend is here, he is outside. Please Kings, I love him and I don't want to lose him please he wants to meet with you just to make sure you are my neighbor as you claimed, please."

The End

Ajebo Writer

©️Kingdavid Chinaeke Ofunne

14/09/2025

For the first time in my life, I got arrested. Me!
I always believed I was too soft-spoken, too law-abiding, too demure to ever see handcuffs but Lagos… hmmm… Lagos will humble you.

It all started when I decided to plait my hair.
My wife begged and begged me to cut it, but I refused.

Abeg, I’m in my 30’s and I have full hair. My mates, Muyiwa and Emma, are already going bald but my hairline is still complete. Why shouldn’t I flaunt it?

Instead of my usual low cut, I let it grow and braided it all the way back.

My wife swore and threatened to cut it in my sleep, I warned her there would be war 3 in the house if she tried it

So I started wearing durang to sleep

Today, I decided to wash my car. I wore my shortest designer shorts (the ones my wife bought because she claims she likes my legs), a Chelsea jersey, and put beads in my hair while vibing to music and washing the car.

Then — gbosa! — a strong slap landed on my yansh.

I froze.

This woman won’t stop embarrassing me in public

Before I could process, the hand landed again, louder this time.

I was about to shout “Madam stop nah!” when I turned…

…only to see my old, ugly, womanising neighbour grinning like a roasted goat. The same man with a Guinness World Record in chasing housemaids and hawkers

The shock on his face was nothing compared to mine when we faced each other

Before I knew it, reflex took over. One uppercut, one left hook, and my hand sent two of his teeth flying out of his unfortunate mouth. I almost strangled him before other neighbours separated us.

His wife arrived screaming and, next thing, she called police.
So, for the first time in my life, I got arrested.

My street people g*thered, asking, “What happened? Wetin him do you?”

Shame won’t let me talk so I kept saying he disrespected me, he fvcked up big time

“Baba how? What did he do?” They insisted

“He messed up mehn, he messed up big time.”

They asked him, he couldn’t say. He kept holding his mouth until the policemen carried me away

Even inside the police van, my wife kept pressing me. Me? I just kept repeating, “He fvcked up. Ah, he fvcked up.”

At the police station, I spoke privately to the DPO and confided in him because if my own neighbor can do that to me, Omo, if I enter cell with this mini shorts and my hair, my yansh will not remain the same

I confessed almost in tears to the DPO. The DPO nodded, signed paper, and immediately released me. They went to pick my neighbour from the hospital where he was receiving treatment. He was charged with sexual abuse and harassment.

On our way home, my wife asked, “What exactly did you tell the DPO? How come they released you and arrested the person you almost kpaied?”

I asked her if she wasn’t happy I’d been released or if she preferred to visit me in Kirikiri. That ended the interrog*tion.

As soon as we got home, I didn’t even enter the house, I just went straight to the barbershop and cut my entire hair.

Now I’m back to my low cut. God forbid I ever plait my hair again!

The useless he-goat has been released and he too refused to tell anyone what happened

By some silent understanding and agreement, we both decided to protect our dignity, reputation and pride and never tell the truth!

My wife is still asking questions but I will never tell her the truth because if I do, this woman will laugh and mock me till the end of the world.

But from now on I’ll always listen to her because women know and see things we men can never know and see.

The End

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©️Kingdavid Chinaeke Ofunne

12/09/2025

One of my girlfriends visited me and while we were inside Netflixing and chilling, I noticed two tiny heads peeping through my window.

It was my neighbour’s 5-year-old twin daughters!

The moment they realised I’d caught them, they bolted. I quickly opened my door.
“Both of you, come back here, now!”

They tiptoed in, staring at their feet.

“Are you peeping into my room?”

They shook their heads together like twins used to do.

If you lie, I will beat both of you, and I’ll never allow you into my house again

I knew once I threatened them with not entering my house they’ll fold. All the kids around love coming to my place because I let them watch cartoons and entertain them with juice, chocolate and cookies and even do their homework for them

I always have snacks, cookies and juice in surplus as my main babe worked with one of the biggest food and beverages manufacturing plant in the state, so, I don’t joke with her

The threat worked. They looked at each other, calculating who would snitch first.

“Okay,” I said, “whoever tells me the truth gets the new chocolate cookies aunty brought.”

Both hands shot up.
“It’s our mummy!” they screamed.

My babe burst into laughter.

“What! Your mommy asked you to come and peep?”

“No,” they chorused.

“So why did you say your mummy?”

Silence.

My babe kept laughing and said I should just let them go

I refused. I won’t condone spoilt behavior especially from these kids because if I let this go today, only God knows what they’ll do tomorrow

I went in and came out with my slippers. I will flog two of you and then lock you guys inside my toilet where my poo poo is and you’ll never eat chocolate or cookies again in my hosue

They wanted to stay crying

“If you cry, that’s worse. I will call police for you to arrest you because peeping inside someone’s house is very bad and you will go to prison and won’t see your mummy and daddy again

The older twin shouted, “Uncle it’s my mommy that sent me to come and check”

“No it’s not you she sent, it’s me she sent to come and check.” The second twin screamed

“Check what?”

They both mumbled something incoherent

“Speak up joor. What did your mommy send you to come and check?” I asked irritated

“Masquerade,” they said together.

“Masquerade? In my house?!” I looked at my babe, confused.

“My mummy say the masquerade has come again to see you.” The older twin said

“So, she said we should come and check if the masquerade is still around.” The younger twin finished the sentence

I scratched my head. “Masquerade? There’s no masquerade here, just me and…”

Then it hit me.

I turned slowly to my babe. She turned too. We both froze.

Ah!!

“Maybe she meant the movie To Kill a Monkey I was watching.” I laughed nervously. “Tell your mummy it’s a film, not a masquerade o. This woman eh, very funny.”

The twins shook their heads.
“Nooo, Uncle. It’s not film she’s talking about.”

“Yes nah, have you forgotten? all of us have watched To Kill a Monkey here,” the older twin added.

“Come and be going ooo, these children sef.” I turned to my babe and smiled nervously

“Uncle, please where is the masquerade?” The older one asked

The younger one now covered her mouth and whispered loud enough for all of us to hear

“Mumu, the masquerade is there!” She pointed directly at my babe.

Immediately I lost it

“It is your mother that is a masquerade! OUT! Both of you, OUT!” I barked, slamming the door.

When I turned, my babe had already packed her things — and all the cookies, juice, and worse, even the Chinese food we planned to eat for dinner.

“Babe… baby…” I stammered.

“Don’t baby me! I knew it. Every time you’re there running your mouth about my makeup. Now see? Your useless neighbours have turned me into a whole masquerade. Me! You’re the problem, not them. Don’t even bother calling my phone again.”

That’s how I lost a good dinner because of these little rascals

But truly, if she didn’t paint her face like rainbow nobody will mistake her for masquerade…so technically, it’s not entirely my fault.

The End

Ajebo Writer

©️Kingdavid Chinaeke Ofunne

Ajebo Writer

23/09/2025

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